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Would you bother dropping off mishloach manot?

 
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amother




OP
 

Post  Wed, Mar 11 2020, 7:42 am
A friend calls to tell you to stop by Purim to drop off Mishloach Manot. They are just giving you a tzedakah card in return. They never came to you on purim to drop off. Would you bother going??
Can’t they just mail you a tzedakah card or put in in your mailbox if they wanted?
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Simple1




 
 
 
 

Post  Wed, Mar 11 2020, 7:49 am
I thought one advantage of tzdakah cards is it takes away the pressure to give everyone.
So no, you shouldn't feel you have to go.
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amother




Floralwhite
 

Post  Wed, Mar 11 2020, 7:59 am
I don't understand. why would they tell YOU to come to THEM to give THEM shaloch manos. If they were your parents, older... I could understand but you said this is a friend. Am I missing something?
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amother




Firebrick
 

Post  Wed, Mar 11 2020, 8:02 am
Nobody does this unless it's an elderly or homebound person (medically or emotionally), in which case, yes, I would go.
A typical able bodied person would just mail you the card.
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amother




OP
 

Post  Wed, Mar 11 2020, 8:04 am
amother [ Firebrick ] wrote:
Nobody does this unless it's an elderly or homebound person (medically or emotionally), in which case, yes, I would go.
A typical able bodied person would just mail you the card.

They are pretty much our age. They are well, not eldery, not a rebbe, not a morah etc.
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amother




Firebrick
 

Post  Wed, Mar 11 2020, 8:05 am
amother [ OP ] wrote:
They are pretty much our age. They are well, not eldery, not a rebbe, not a morah etc.

Well, purim is over. So what did you end up doing?
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amother




OP
 

Post  Wed, Mar 11 2020, 8:06 am
amother [ Floralwhite ] wrote:
I don't understand. why would they tell YOU to come to THEM to give THEM shaloch manos. If they were your parents, older... I could understand but you said this is a friend. Am I missing something?

We have several friends that want you to come to them. And they will never come your way. Over the years we stopped going to them..because our list will just get completely out of hand.
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amother




Firebrick
 

Post  Wed, Mar 11 2020, 8:10 am
So don't go. Next year send them a purim card in advance and they will get the message. In any case, purim is over for this year.
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L25




 
 
 
 

Post  Wed, Mar 11 2020, 8:11 am
then personally I think it's off and potentially hurtful like they feel their time, energy.. is more important then mine.

I would look at the relationship as a whole. Is this how they treat you in general or are they a very close friend who's freindship you value?

If it was a close friend who I felt puts effort in to the relationship in general then if I could go without much stress I wouldn't stand on ceremony, I would go. I wouldn't drive myself crazy though to make it work. It's just one day.

If this is indicative of the friendship in general then no I wouldn't go and I would probably start to try to "drift apart". I don't need such friendships in my life.


Last edited by L25 on Wed, Mar 11 2020, 8:13 am; edited 2 times in total
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yo'ma




 
 
 
 

Post  Wed, Mar 11 2020, 8:12 am
I wouldn’t go because I don’t go anywhere, but maybe you misunderstood and they said they’re not going anywhere because they’re giving a tzedakah card and if you want to give them MM, you have to go to them.
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watergirl




 
 
 
 

Post  Wed, Mar 11 2020, 8:48 am
amother [ OP ] wrote:
We have several friends that want you to come to them. And they will never come your way. Over the years we stopped going to them..because our list will just get completely out of hand.

I had a few people who used to call me to find out when I was going to be coming to them to deliver - we gave out pretzel dogs and the family would fight over who got it, so people wanted a heads up so he knew to wait outside so he could snatch it. Once, someone from that family came to MY house to get theirs (and didn't bring us a mm - it was weird). This particular family is really normal and very popular, this was a weird thing that I just laughed over. I've had other people also call me and ask that I come to them but with a reason.

If someone did what you describe, I would just learn for the future to not answer the phone on Purim. Go there only if they are on your list, not because you were summoned.
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ChutzPAh




 
 
 
 

Post  Wed, Mar 11 2020, 8:52 am
That is weird. Both asking people to come to you and finding out what time the hot dogs are going to come. Seriously strange.
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watergirl




 
 
 
 

Post  Wed, Mar 11 2020, 8:54 am
ChutzPAh wrote:
That is weird. Both asking people to come to you and finding out what time the hot dogs are going to come. Seriously strange.

To be fair - the hot dogs are really good! Very Happy
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southernbubby




 
 
 
 

Post  Wed, Mar 11 2020, 9:03 am
It isn't normal to ask for gifts, not on Purim or any other day.
I also have learned to put up boundaries with that type of person since I have a limited ability to be there for the emotionally needy.
However, if I felt that these people suffered from some kind of emotional disorder, and I had the time to go, and had prepared enough MM, I would probably humor them and go. If I didn't, I would tell them that I wasn't planning to go out but to have a happy Purim.
I would maybe regift the "rejects" for people who gave out tzedukah cards.
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amother




OP
 

Post  Thu, Mar 12 2020, 7:37 am
amother [ Firebrick ] wrote:
So don't go. Next year send them a purim card in advance and they will get the message. In any case, purim is over for this year.

This is a great idea
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notshanarishona




 
 
 
 

Post  Thu, Mar 12 2020, 7:51 am
No
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avrahamama




 
 
 
 

Post  Thu, Mar 12 2020, 8:00 am
My deal with my friends is "we already know we love each other. In fact we love each other so much that there are zero expectations to give or get." This frees up some of the pressure of the day. (A lot of it)

I give one mm. And make small ones for my kids to give to all their classmates.

However! Maybe the friends who tell you to come to them are trying to avoid you both being out delivering at same time. They're just trying to coordinate.
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amother




OP
 

Post  Thu, Mar 12 2020, 8:25 am
avrahamama wrote:
However! Maybe the friends who tell you to come to them are trying to avoid you both being out delivering at same time. They're just trying to coordinate.

They stay home and wait for everyone
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