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amother




OP
 

Post  Thu, Mar 12 2020, 8:40 am
Money is tight, so this year we didn't give anything fancy (or money!) to teachers.

One of my son's teachers asked my husband in shul why he didn't receive a thank-you note (code word for money)

I'm so embarrassed!

I've never felt so hurt in a long time Crying
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amother




Sienna
 

Post  Thu, Mar 12 2020, 8:43 am
amother [ OP ] wrote:
Money is tight, so this year we didn't give anything fancy (or money!) to teachers.

One of my son's teachers asked my husband in shul why he didn't receive a thank-you note (code word for money)

I'm so embarrassed!

I've never felt so hurt in a long time Crying


reflects badly on HIM, not you. Bad social skills/middos on his part. Notes, fancy MM, and money are extras that should never be expected.
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chestnut




 
 
 
 

Post  Thu, Mar 12 2020, 8:45 am
Either the teacher is an idiot or he did mean a thank you note
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watergirl




 
 
 
 

Post  Thu, Mar 12 2020, 8:47 am
chestnut wrote:
Either the teacher is an idiot or he did mean a thank you note

Teacher is an idiot. He still should not have asked why he didn't receive a note.

Scary that this man is teaching kids. OP, how is he otherwise?
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avrahamama




 
 
 
 

Post  Thu, Mar 12 2020, 8:49 am
amother [ OP ] wrote:
Money is tight, so this year we didn't give anything fancy (or money!) to teachers.

One of my son's teachers asked my husband in shul why he didn't receive a thank-you note (code word for money)

I'm so embarrassed!

I've never felt so hurt in a long time Crying


That's so tacky. Don't be hurt for yourself. Be hurt for him. He was unfortunate enough to say such a thing.

As an aside. The times I couldn't give money. I sent a note and said I really don't have right now to give. But I want to send brachot and gratitude your way. They've always appreciated that.
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thriver




 
 
 
 

Post  Thu, Mar 12 2020, 8:49 am
Either way his behavior is uncalled for. Response: umm do we need to thank you?
How rude. YOU should not feel badly. That is absolutely weird behavior on his part.

Normal people are grateful for when they do receive a gift. They don’t ask for it like it’s coming to them. Do. Not. Feel. Badly. He was the one out of bounds.
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yonabets




 
 
 
 

Post  Thu, Mar 12 2020, 8:59 am
The teacher Should be embarrassed not you!!!😘
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s c




 
 
 
 

Post  Thu, Mar 12 2020, 9:01 am
I would be more concerned that someone with such a lack of middos is teaching my child. Please dont feel bad about it.
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amother




Brunette
 

Post  Thu, Mar 12 2020, 9:01 am
Please don’t be hurt! That’s insane!!! If I had a kid in his class next year I would specifically not give. I hope he’s a decent teacher otherwise
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amother




Mauve
 

Post  Thu, Mar 12 2020, 9:07 am
Wow, that was out of line for a teacher to say!!
I never give anything fancy to teachers and I haven't given a tip every year. Bh never got such awful attitude from a teacher.
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amother




OP
 

Post  Thu, Mar 12 2020, 9:26 am
watergirl wrote:
Teacher is an idiot. He still should not have asked why he didn't receive a note.

Scary that this man is teaching kids. OP, how is he otherwise?


That's what I'm thinking (after a good cry!).

The community loves him. My sons a little scared of him. He says whatever he thinks!

(I hope he doesn’t say anything to my son Twisted Evil )

I really want to say something but we're new to the community!
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amother




OP
 

Post  Thu, Mar 12 2020, 9:28 am
I feel so much better sharing this! I’m so grateful I have this place to vent.

Thanks for being so supportive Hug
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amother




OP
 

Post  Thu, Mar 12 2020, 9:30 am
avrahamama wrote:
That's so tacky. Don't be hurt for yourself. Be hurt for him. He was unfortunate enough to say such a thing.

As an aside. The times I couldn't give money. I sent a note and said I really don't have right now to give. But I want to send brachot and gratitude your way. They've always appreciated that.


I should have done that Can't Believe It

Now it’s to late (is it?), but I think I’ll do that at the end of the year.

Thanks!
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thunderstorm




 
 
 
 

Post  Thu, Mar 12 2020, 9:32 am
OP, please know that this is not your shame. This is the teachers! It is completely inappropriate what he said, if he said that. You did nothing wrong and you have nothing to be ashamed about.
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mopsy




 
 
 
 

Post  Thu, Mar 12 2020, 11:16 am
amother [ OP ] wrote:
I should have done that Can't Believe It

Now it’s to late (is it?), but I think I’ll do that at the end of the year.

Thanks!

You did not need to do that. Stop feeling guilty because, you did nothing wrong. There is no reason to apologize for being unable to tip him on purim. If you can tip it's definitely appreciated and a really nice thing to do, but you do not need to apologize for being in a tough spot financially.
Maybe he really meant an actual thank you note. Still tacky but not as bad.
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miami85




 
 
 
 

Post  Thu, Mar 12 2020, 11:19 am
I can't always make enough MM for everyone that I want to give to, sometime out of sheer practicality, but I can always print more of my poems and I give those out freely (I have a good printer and cheap ink). So going forward even though the teacher was rude in "expecting a note" perhaps the lesson learned is that notes are free. Even if it means repackaging something you received+a note from the heart, it is worth doing so. I have been a teacher and getting a token of appreciation is worth its weight in gold.
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FranticFrummie




 
 
 
 

Post  Thu, Mar 12 2020, 11:24 am
amother [ OP ] wrote:
That's what I'm thinking (after a good cry!).

The community loves him. My sons a little scared of him. He says whatever he thinks!

(I hope he doesn’t say anything to my son Twisted Evil )

I really want to say something but we're new to the community!


Ouch! He's showing very bad middos.

Do not say anything. By embarrassing you, and you not responding, he has given you the ability to give immensely powerful brachas! Bentch everyone around you for health, happiness, and a long life of Torah and mitzvot.
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amother




OP
 

Post  Thu, Mar 12 2020, 11:32 am
FranticFrummie wrote:
Ouch! He's showing very bad middos.

Do not say anything. By embarrassing you, and you not responding, he has given you the ability to give immensely powerful brachas! Bentch everyone around you for health, happiness, and a long life of Torah and mitzvot.


Thanks for being so supportive!

May everyone stay safe, healthy and a life filled with brucha and parnasa.

Thanks again, everyone. I feel so much better now!
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Learning




 
 
 
 

Post  Thu, Mar 12 2020, 11:37 am
It’s not fair. Just because you are new to the community and not wealthy no connections he t at Mrs advantage of you. I’m really scared that he will take advantage of your kid’s in some way. It’s not a good sign. Do you have any pull in the community?
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amother




Silver
 

Post  Thu, Mar 12 2020, 11:38 am
Could your DH answer "I'm so sorry, did you want a thank you card? We will write one up right away!" And then send him a regular thank you card, no money. Very Happy
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