When a family member "steals" your baby name

amother

Thu, Mar 12 2020, 8:49 pm

It wasn't intentional. We were both dues at the same time and she gave birth first and named the baby the exact name I was planning on using. I am extremely picky about names and thought about this for literally more than 8 years (was waiting for this gender). It is not a name after someone, just a name I really like.

I can:
1. choose a different name
2. use the nickname version of the name (was planning on that anyway)
3. ask her permission first, to make sure she doesn't get mad, and then we both just have the same name
4. other...

What do you think?

Dandelion1

Thu, Mar 12 2020, 8:53 pm

I think I would explain that you had already chosen this name as well, such a coincidence, and use it! So 2 cousins (or whatever) will have the same name. It's not like they made up the name, I'm sure tons of people share it.

amother

Teal

Thu, Mar 12 2020, 8:53 pm

You sit down with her and tell her that you've been looking forward to giving that name for a very long time now - and you intend to.... and hope the cousins will become very close friends.

banana split

Thu, Mar 12 2020, 8:53 pm

If you have a good relationship then tell her you love the name and have always been dreaming of naming your baby that and does she mind ?

thunderstorm

Thu, Mar 12 2020, 8:53 pm

I’m not sure why both cousins can’t share the same name. My SIL has that meshugas. She refused to call her child the same name as my daughter and my niece because she had “too many cousins with that name”. What’s wrong with that? She ended up adding another name and calls by the other . But honestly I don’t understand it.

thepickled

Thu, Mar 12 2020, 8:55 pm

If you really love and were committed to the name, name it. And call the baby the nickname as you planned (in which case, it may not even seem that similar?)

You don’t need to answer to anyone who thinks you “copied” the name. You might want to discreetly explain to your family member if you think she’ll take it badly, but you’re really not obligated to justify your baby name choice to anybody.

It may seem like a big deal now, but when your child is an adult, the fact that their first cousin has the same name will be irrelevant. They will have their own social circle and family at that point.

amother

Copper

Thu, Mar 12 2020, 8:57 pm

How mad would you be if you had the baby first?
Based on your very honest answer, do what you would want others to do for you.

Personally I never heard of such a concept of stealing or ownership of a name but based on what you wrote I assume in your circles this is very significant.

Dandelion1

Thu, Mar 12 2020, 8:59 pm

It's definitely a meshugais. How can someone "copy" a name? Everyone spent 9 months looking at the same names in name books. Unless it's a name someone made up for their child, and you literally copied, we're all choosing from the same set of names!

PinkFridge

Thu, Mar 12 2020, 9:03 pm

I know of families where many cousins have the same name. And if the fathers are brothers, they have the identical names. Why is this an issue? And assuming you're naming for a relative, there's usually someone still around who knew the nifter(es) who gets a kick out of every child named for the relative.

amother

Bisque

Thu, Mar 12 2020, 9:04 pm

I wouldn't use it, but my family is not as big as others' here where same names are common. My sil and I are due around the same time and it's definitely on my mind as a possibility. Of course I wouldn't be mad, but I would be a little sad if I had a name picked and had to scramble for a sub. I think it's understandable to feel that way. I personally would pick something different.

amother

Red

Thu, Mar 12 2020, 9:18 pm

Very very common for relatives to share names. Youre going to get asked if they are named for the same person to which youll say, no it was just a fluke!

octopus

Thu, Mar 12 2020, 9:20 pm

Ridiculous. She didn't steal the name. You don't own the name. Neither does she. Name the name you love. End of drama.

amother

Thu, Mar 12 2020, 9:46 pm

amother [ Copper ] wrote:

I honestly would not care at all, I might think it was cute. We don't even live in the same city.

My in laws changed my husbands name after the exact thing happened with his cousin.

amother

Smokey

Thu, Mar 12 2020, 9:50 pm

Where did this concept come from? I’ve never heard of such a strange thing. Sounds very “secular” to me. Where I’m from, many people - especially cousins - share a name.

amother

Turquoise

Thu, Mar 12 2020, 10:06 pm

You don't need permission, especially if you will call him Phil instead of Philip.

Cheiny

Thu, Mar 12 2020, 10:41 pm

NPYOB wrote:

If you have a good relationship then tell her you love the name and have always been dreaming of naming your baby that and does she mind ?

Why on earth should someone ask permission to use a name for their baby? The relative doesn’t own the name!

soap suds

Thu, Mar 12 2020, 11:16 pm

Can't relate. In my circles (chasidish) we name our children after deceased grandparents/relatives. So, among 6 out of my 8 siblings all have boys with the same name - many of them about the same age I.e. shortly after my grandfather passed. Same in DH family. Almost every family has an Ari, Suri, and Gitty.

You can tell which family a kid is from based on the combination of their first and middle names. For example, DD has a new classmate named Sara Shifra. Although her last name was unfamiliar, I knew she must be a grandchild of the Braun family (fictitious name), because all of her cousins are Sara Shifra.

amother

Honeydew

Fri, Mar 13 2020, 12:16 am

Just IMO, if it were first name only, I.e. Avigail, then I would use without a second thought. If it were both first and middle name, I.e., Avigail Bracha, then I'm not sure.

dancingqueen

Fri, Mar 13 2020, 1:15 am

amother [ Bisque ] wrote:

Same. In my world it’s strange for cousins to have the same name. It obviously depends on your community.