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amother




OP
 

Post  Thu, Mar 12 2020, 9:17 pm
We have a wedding today, not such a close relative and the 2 little ones 10 and 6 were told they can come along. 10 year old gave me lots of hardships today . What ever I told him not to do he did just the opposite and really overreacting, answering back with chutzpa , I had to keep repeating myself until I was almost ready to dress they were still acting out untill I said no wedding today for this behavior. My dh doesnt mind to stay home with the kids . Again its a close cousin of mine but the kids barely know them personally, for them its a 2nd remove cousin and my kids first cousins aren't going either so I dont feel im depriving them from a very close relative. Im about to get dressed ,( my mood went away as well but I must go ) im not feeling too good . While im here im still debating if I must take my kids and change mind and if I do than how? Or if I already made up my mund not to take them I should rather keep my words? I think 2nd answer . What do u all think??
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#BestBubby




 
 
 
 

Post  Thu, Mar 12 2020, 9:26 pm
You did Great. If you would have brought the kids after threatening them if they misbehave they
won't go to wedding you would have taught your kids not to take your threats seriously.

Great job, Mom!
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amother




Burlywood
 

Post  Thu, Mar 12 2020, 9:27 pm
why would you take them? Are they sulking?
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amother




OP
 

Post  Thu, Mar 12 2020, 9:30 pm
#BestBubby wrote:
You did Great. If you would have brought the kids after threatening them if they misbehave they
won't go to wedding you would have taught your kids not to take your threats seriously.

Great job, Mom!


Im heading to the wedding in tears because they waited a whole day to go , but @ the same time gave me a very hard time .. actually my 6 year old wasnt that bad , but if my 10 year old isnt coming and dh not either their is no way how I can take him . I guess they'll live and learn . I feel tremendously bad but kids have to know that moms arent made of trash. It hurts me I had to punish them like this and I hope I can enjoy the wedding knowing I left them home but I think not holding up to our words is even worse.
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#BestBubby




 
 
 
 

Post  Thu, Mar 12 2020, 9:33 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote:
Im heading to the wedding in tears because they waited a whole day to go , but @ the same time gave me a very hard time .. actually my 6 year old wasnt that bad , but if my 10 year old isnt coming and dh not either their is no way how I can take him . I guess they'll live and learn . I feel tremendously bad but kids have to know that moms arent made of trash. It hurts me I had to punish them like this and I hope I can enjoy the wedding knowing I left them home but I think not holding up to our words is even worse.


You have to be careful not to threaten a punishment you don't/can't carry out. If you think missing the wedding was too harsh, you should have threatened something else - like losing
a good snack for next day. Or taking away a favorite toy for a couple of days.
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Malkqueen




 
 
 
 

Post  Thu, Mar 12 2020, 9:36 pm
You made a decision because you believed it was the right thing to do.
NOW STICK WITH IT.
Kids don't need parents who make perfect decisions as much as they need parents who emit self-assurance. If your kids feel that you second- guess every decision you make, they won't trust your opinion.

*If they're upset about not going to the wedding, you can and should empathize with them, but that doesn't mean you should change your decision.
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amother




Seashell
 

Post  Thu, Mar 12 2020, 9:46 pm
I would not go back on my word, even if looking back I felt the consequence was too harsh. I would (hopefully) try to think about that more objectively before letting it out of my mouth, but I know that's extremely difficult when kids are being extra challenging. But once I said it, and then kid did whatever I told them not to do, I would stick to it even if it was more harsh than it should have been. I think you did fine.
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amother




Silver
 

Post  Fri, Mar 13 2020, 1:16 am
If the 6 year old was behaved fine, why did you punish him because of his brother?
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amother




Mustard
 

Post  Fri, Mar 13 2020, 9:01 am
Not clear from your post, but were they warned that if they continue doing x and don't start doing y they would not be allowed to go to the wedding? Or did you just spring it on them? In general, warnings can sometimes be effective enough that you don't need to actually implement any consequence since they modify their behavior on their own.
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amother




Pink
 

Post  Fri, Mar 13 2020, 10:59 am
For the future, it is possible that your kids were acting up because they were excited but didn't know how to express it/deal with all of the big feelings. If this comes up again (day of a trip, etc.), you can try addressing that first.

"You seem to be very excited about going to____. You can't wait to go and have fun/see your friend/other. I'm glad that you want to go. But you can't do ______.
Then redirect to an appropriate behavior/activity.

This was an eye opener for me. Labeling what they feel and acknowledging it empowers them and helps release all of that energy and excitement.
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