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Can everyone calm down and stop being mean and bossy?
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amother




Pink
 

Post  Tue, Mar 24 2020, 10:14 am
amother [ Coffee ] wrote:
So 10 people can be at a wedding? But I can’t have 10 at my house. See this does not make sense.

Honestly nothing makes sense. I’m stuck in the house with the kiddos while DH goes to work and gets exposed anyway
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amother




Coffee
 

Post  Tue, Mar 24 2020, 10:16 am
ora_43 wrote:
It's different because her parents have to go to a store to get food or medicine.

At least I assume that's what you're talking about. If the parents are out clothes shopping, then that's another thing they should stop doing.

I get that on an individual level it seems like overkill to be opposed to one measly little family visit. But imagine an entire city of 50,000 people, all getting together with extended family (and the original post that prompted the criticism was someone talking about having multiple married kids over, with their spouses and children). People will spread the virus. Maybe this one family will get lucky, but plenty won't. And those 100-odd people who get sick are another 100 people spreading the virus every time they go to the grocery store or to shul, they're another 10-20 people in the hospital putting staff there at risk and taking up desperately needed space*.

Plus, 100 new cases could be the difference between this winding down sometime shortly after Pesach, and the government deciding to keep up the severe restrictions.

We all need to act as if everyone in town is going to follow our lead (a pretty good rule for life in general).

*(note that these numbers are assuming young people!! ie ages 20-44)
[quote]

Of course they should not get together- such a large crowd ( hmm- perhaps they have a huge mansion on 5 acres and are planning to stay there for a month- naa, not happening)
But look at how you explained, and made your point w/o sarcasm or nastiness. And that is what op was saying.
I repeat- the yetzer hara loves when we yidden put each other down.
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southernbubby




 
 
 
 

Post  Tue, Mar 24 2020, 10:20 am
amother [ Coffee ] wrote:
Exactly what I was trying to say but better worded


Last Pesach, we took in a wonderful 12 year old yesoma whose mother was in the hospital with a sick child. There will be children needing homes and elderly people who are no longer safe in assisted living and someone will have to take risks. We hope that Hashem will help those who must shelter orphans and the elderly but Hashem is trying to tell us something and we shouldn't refuse to listen.
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amother




Coffee
 

Post  Tue, Mar 24 2020, 10:26 am
amother [ Pink ] wrote:
Honestly nothing makes sense. I’m stuck in the house with the kiddos while DH goes to work and gets exposed anyway

My sis makes her dh take off outer layers outside and head straight to shower- before touching anyone or anything Then throws clothing,which were put in bag, into washer.
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amother




Coffee
 

Post  Tue, Mar 24 2020, 10:32 am
amother [ Seagreen ] wrote:
Great post, except let's change number one to:
Don't go anywhere unless it is to the doctor, or to purchase food or medicine.

"No other option" can be interpreted as "there's no way I can make Pesach this year, I have to go to my parents."


Took your advice
See my edit.
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amother




Seagreen
 

Post  Tue, Mar 24 2020, 10:38 am
amother [ Coffee ] wrote:
Took your advice
See my edit.

Thank you!
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amother




Coffee
 

Post  Tue, Mar 24 2020, 10:46 am
ora_43 wrote:
I do sympathize with people who really, desperately want to see family, and don't see what the big deal is. I really and truly do.

[b]I just also sympathize with people who are having their lives turned upside down because of this illness - whether they're in healthcare or suddenly unemployed or just trying to entertain young kids in a small apartment without losing their sanity - and who have ZERO patience left for people who can't bring themselves to keep the rules.


Which at this point = everyone. And nerves are frayed. And we understand why people are extremely exasperated. And this is a place for venting. But please, Please let’s at least try,
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amother




Purple
 

Post  Wed, Mar 25 2020, 1:43 am
watergirl wrote:
Government: This is so serious, you need to stay in your houses and leave only if you must. All nonessential places of business are closed. Schools are closed. Public transportation is limited.

Medical professionals: This is so serious, you need to stay in your houses and leave only if you must. No support people can accompany you to the hospital. No visitors at nursing homes. Drs and nurses are getting sick.

Rabbonim: this is so serious, you need to stay in your house and leave only if you must. Yeshivos are closed. Minyanim are closed. Shiva visits are via phone. Weddings and funerals can have only 10 people. MIKVAHS are limited! (ETA - Weddings and funerals are to be outside and people STILL have to stay 6 feet away from each other).

Anothers: nahhhh. My kids are coming to me for pesach. It’s a free world. Why shouldn't they? We want them. They cant make pesach on their own. Its a mitzvah to visit your mother.

Everyone else now has to stay in this weird existence even LONGER than initially thought because people are ignoring the professionals and rabbonim.

Come the summer, we will have amothers here crying because camp is cancelled. Some bungalows are already not allowed to open. Brace yourselves for post after post about 10 kids being cramped in a tiny apartment in the city.

This does not need to happen. So yes! We are not so polite at this point.


Look, leaving everything aside, even if every Jewish person obeyed with ultra chumrahs, THIS WILL NOT BE OVER IN FOUR WEEKS. Weeks ago, the Washington Post predicted this could last a year, maybe even 18 months. Using graphs about what would happen if NO ONE AT ALL kept quarantine, the CDC predicts the Covid wave (this one, at least) might be over in LATE JULY.

So when this lasts a long time, know that everyone predicted it would. Even if we all got Covid simultaneously. If most of us hunker down, it still lingers and lingers and lingers. The goal is to flatten the curve, NOT ERADICATE IT.

Don't blame everyone else.
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amother




Blue
 

Post  Wed, Mar 25 2020, 2:11 am
amother [ OP ] wrote:
We're all stressed and scared and anxious and worried. But why are some people taking it out on others with so much anger? On the other thread a healthy amother in her 40s dared to mention that she was having her married kids over for pesach and people went ballistic on the poor woman. Can you all calm the heck down? She didn't say her kids are planning on dancing in the streets or that they're running rampant through grocery stores or that they're even coming in from another state. These are her married kids that have been around her and her family already. So if anything, they're the same as anyone else self quarantining, except with each other.

The world is fragile right now. We were sent this challenge, we don't know why or what to make of it but I think it's up to all of us to do what we can to 1.keep the world as safe as we can and 2. stop thinking that you are in control of this virus by yelling/bossing and insulting everyone else.


Even though I am still in shock at schools and shuls closing, at people locking themselves up inside and I think it is an over-reaction, I accept that this is what the medical world decided is best and that our rabbis with das Torah have supported all of this so strongly. So I am doing my part. I'm staying away from everyone who doesn't live under my roof. (It has helped me to look at this as a complete chessed the world is doing for the elderly and the sick because really I believe that most of us don't need these extreme measures at all and it would make more sense for those who are threatened to isolate while the rest of us went about business as usual).

People who are doing otherwise (having married kids come for YT or whatever) are doing wrong in my opinion. Plain and simple.

But the people who are yelling about it aren't helping. It won't change anyone's mind. They are only getting themselves worked up and lowering their immunity with stress. And they are frankly demonstrating that they still haven't learned one of the most important lessons to be learned from this whole situation: we aren't in control! You can control what you choose to do. And that is all. Everything else has to be let go of for your sanity. Mental health is also important!
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amother




Orchid
 

Post  Wed, Mar 25 2020, 6:47 am
watergirl wrote:
Excuses and learned learned helplessness. EVERYONE can make pesach.

See, it's very easy to make a blanket statement like this, but you don't get to generalize on everyone else's situation.
What would you tell me to do? I got married 4 months ago and am 6 weeks pregnant and so sick I can barely move. I also just started a new job and barely have time to breathe. Yes we will be going to my parents- I don't see that we have another choice.
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imasinger




 
 
 
 

Post  Wed, Mar 25 2020, 6:54 am
amother [ Orchid ] wrote:
See, it's very easy to make a blanket statement like this, but you don't get to generalize on everyone else's situation.
What would you tell me to do? I got married 4 months ago and am 6 weeks pregnant and so sick I can barely move. I also just started a new job and barely have time to breathe. Yes we will be going to my parents- I don't see that we have another choice.


Mazel tov and b'sha'ah tovah.

WADR, yes, you do have other choices.

If you were my child, I'd find a way to get food delivered to you, and push you to stay at home, for your sake, and that of your unborn baby, if nothing else.

I want to gently point out that your post indicates you're willing to sacrifice for your work, but not for making Pesach.

When you have lived your 120, and are called to judgment, how well would it sit that you put your job ahead of everything? Unless you're in healthcare, it's time to reevaluate.


Last edited by imasinger on Wed, Mar 25 2020, 6:57 am; edited 1 time in total
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amother




Seafoam
 

Post  Wed, Mar 25 2020, 6:55 am
amother [ Orchid ] wrote:
See, it's very easy to make a blanket statement like this, but you don't get to generalize on everyone else's situation.
What would you tell me to do? I got married 4 months ago and am 6 weeks pregnant and so sick I can barely move. I also just started a new job and barely have time to breathe. Yes we will be going to my parents- I don't see that we have another choice.


Beshaa tova. If you are married and pregnant, then there's a husband in the picture, right? He can do the minimal cleaning that's needed and you can go online to buy paper goods and groceries, or even cater. If your parents live nearby, maybe they can cook extra and send you food.

When I think of people who cannot make Pesach, I'm thinking of an infirm person living alone, or a family with multiple special needs children. I'm sure you feel overwhelmed, and that's reasonable, but you really aren't in such bad shape.
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amother




Aqua
 

Post  Wed, Mar 25 2020, 7:00 am
amother [ Orchid ] wrote:
See, it's very easy to make a blanket statement like this, but you don't get to generalize on everyone else's situation.
What would you tell me to do? I got married 4 months ago and am 6 weeks pregnant and so sick I can barely move. I also just started a new job and barely have time to breathe. Yes we will be going to my parents- I don't see that we have another choice.


You do have a choice and you can make pesach.
If you have just enough energy to go to work you can make pesach.

I'm not saying its easy or ideal but you either can risk people's lives or make pesach.
So MAKE PESACH
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notshanarishona




 
 
 
 

Post  Wed, Mar 25 2020, 7:17 am
amother [ Orchid ] wrote:
See, it's very easy to make a blanket statement like this, but you don't get to generalize on everyone else's situation.
What would you tell me to do? I got married 4 months ago and am 6 weeks pregnant and so sick I can barely move. I also just started a new job and barely have time to breathe. Yes we will be going to my parents- I don't see that we have another choice.


I would tell you to put your husband in charge of the cleaning and either buy catered or make very simple meals .
Even people who are due on Pesach with other small kids are compromising to stay at home under not the best conditions. I am not sure why with 2 adults and no little ones afoot you can't make a simple pesach. Cleaning should be simple to not existent since you are newly married and no little ones and your husband can kosher and cover in a few hours .
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watergirl




 
 
 
 

Post  Wed, Mar 25 2020, 7:27 am
amother [ Orchid ] wrote:
See, it's very easy to make a blanket statement like this, but you don't get to generalize on everyone else's situation.
What would you tell me to do? I got married 4 months ago and am 6 weeks pregnant and so sick I can barely move. I also just started a new job and barely have time to breathe. Yes we will be going to my parents- I don't see that we have another choice.

Echoing what those above me said. You have a husband and if you are so sick that you cant move (yet you can work your job?), he should be able to do it all. Making pesach is not as impossible as people think it is. It is possible. Who in your life is telling you that you cant do this? It is one of those self fulfilling prophecy things. Your family should be empowering your husband and you and teaching you how to make this work.

Do it simply. You have choices, you just don't want to do the ones that are more difficult. All over this site over the past 20 years of its existence are fantastic tips on how to make a simple, easy, and affordable pesach. There’s a lot of wisdom in these pages. Remember that Pesach cleaning is not spring cleaning and go from there. Read the instructions this year from the rabbonim about chumrahs this year. Its the best year to do it.

Bshah tovah!
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amother




Khaki
 

Post  Wed, Mar 25 2020, 8:15 am
amother [ Orchid ] wrote:
See, it's very easy to make a blanket statement like this, but you don't get to generalize on everyone else's situation.
What would you tell me to do? I got married 4 months ago and am 6 weeks pregnant and so sick I can barely move. I also just started a new job and barely have time to breathe. Yes we will be going to my parents- I don't see that we have another choice.

Of course you can make Pesach
Many many couples have made Pesach from the get go. It is completely doable
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Simple1




 
 
 
 

Post  Wed, Mar 25 2020, 8:47 am
Did people ask doctors or shailos before assuming this means newly married children - who still call their parents house home? I just feel in life we should always try to do what's right, but NOT look down everyone else's backs. DLKZ. I can't imagine having the nisayon of needing to change pesach plans.
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crust




 
 
 
 

Post  Wed, Mar 25 2020, 8:51 am
I think people should do whatever it takes to keep their parents safe but what if Orchid was still a single girl in her mother's home?

It's still two weeks to Pesach. She can still heal and not be a threat to them.
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OOTforlife




 
 
 
 

Post  Wed, Mar 25 2020, 9:16 am
If Orchid and her husband and both of Orchid's parents have all been isolating for a long enough period before Pesach, and nobody else is coming to the parents for Pesach, then it may be a very minimal risk. But definitely consult with a doctor on the specifics.
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renslet




 
 
 
 

Post  Wed, Mar 25 2020, 3:58 pm
Seriously, if I was 6 weeks pregnant, I would stay home and not go anywhere. There is nobody yet in the world who has had this virus in the first trimester and finished their pregnancy and the Drs have no idea if this virus affects a fetus like zika or rubella.
If it's just two people, how difficult can making pesach be. Honestly??
I'm not trying to be bossy, I'm quite terrified for you that you don't realize how dangerous this virus can be for you and your unborn baby (he should be healthy and well)
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