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What if they died because of me ? :(
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amother




OP
 

Post  Wed, Mar 25 2020, 9:38 pm
Someone I know passed away recently from the corona virus.
2 weeks ago, I needed to pick something up from their daughter who lived there, and came to the door and rang the bell. The daughter said one minute let me go get the item, while I stayed outside. Her parents heard me at the door and said come in come in hi , hello, welcoming me with their beautiful smiles. I stood at a distance in the doorway , yet I walked in. This was 2 weeks ago before things were cracking down. Before the strict lockdowns and isolation. Things were not as serious as they are now.
I got my item, spoke to them for a few minutes longer and left.

5 days after this I started to feel mild symptoms. sore throat, feverish. I probably had a super mild case- I dont know, I didnt get tested. I got over it pretty quickly.
then I learned that one of the people in that house I went to 2 weeks ago got the virus. I didnt know they had it and were fighting it, until I learned they passed away.
what if they got it from me? what if I was carrying it without even knowing?
what if my few minutes in their house made that person catch it?
the guilt is eating at me. what if it was my fault?
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tigerwife




 
 
 
 

Post  Wed, Mar 25 2020, 9:42 pm
For all you know you may have gotten it from them.
Hashem decided when it was their time to go, not you.
Iā€™m so sorry. Sad
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lilies




 
 
 
 

Post  Wed, Mar 25 2020, 9:43 pm
They were probably exposed from more than one source. Though we need to follow the rules, ultimately it's in H' hands.
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avrahamama




 
 
 
 

Post  Wed, Mar 25 2020, 9:44 pm
1. It's not your fault. This is part of HKBH plan.and beats me what the plan actually is.
2. It's not your fault. You weren't even sick or feeling sick when you saw them. It's not like you walked into their house sick as a dog and breathed in their face.

Most importantly. BDE. I'm so sorry we lost a yid. I'm so sorry it was someone you know. I'm sorry this whole wild thing is happening. I hope HKBH can reveal the goodness of this to us all and we can have zchut of geulah.

Feel well. Do good. I love you all.
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amother




OP
 

Post  Wed, Mar 25 2020, 9:47 pm
as far as I know they didnt leave their house much. they all worked from home. I dont now who was in their house in the past 2 weeks, but I do know that I was. I have no way of knowing if it was me, or another source they got it from.
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seeker




 
 
 
 

Post  Wed, Mar 25 2020, 10:01 pm
You had no idea you were sick.
They invited you in.
Two weeks ago, most of the world was pretty chilled.
And in any case, most people who are exposed are fine - whether someone is ok, is sick, or dies is absolutely not in our hands.
Of course this is emotionally so difficult. But guilt is not a healthy direction to take the pain.
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amother




Amethyst
 

Post  Wed, Mar 25 2020, 10:01 pm
I'm grateful they stopped tracking who caught the virus from whom like they did in the early days.

The guilt would be so overwhelming, especially for people who didn't follow the rules.

You weren't symptomatic, and you weren't violating rules. Unfortunately many of the social distancing procedures were implemented just a bit too late, which was clearly Hashem's plan and not the fault of any individual.
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imasinger




 
 
 
 

Post  Wed, Mar 25 2020, 10:09 pm
I think a lot of us will be crying extra hard on YK and before for those aveiros that were committed unintentionally, as well as for those we did knowingly.

Hashem knows we are all human. We hopefully try the best we can, and try to do teshuva when we mess up.

OP, is there something you can do for this family or for the community? Not that anyone can say you were at fault, but it still might help you feel better.
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agreer




 
 
 
 

Post  Wed, Mar 25 2020, 10:12 pm
The same way they let you in, they could have let anyone in. Or their daughter went shopping, bringing them food and caught something while she was out.

2 weeks ago we lived in a different world. You cannot compare.

However, I do hope some I as will read this and realize how serious the consequences of their actions can be. I hope they will follow orders and protect the public health. That is what we should take away from this.

Refuah shelaima to all who need one!
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amother




Lavender
 

Post  Thu, Mar 26 2020, 12:43 am
You sound like my OCD sister. Hugs.
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mig100




 
 
 
 

Post  Thu, Mar 26 2020, 2:15 am
op I was just having this conversation with my husband literally a few minutes ago.

I said the following. why are we staying home in our tiny apartment? everything is out of our control. hashem definitely clearly run the world. yet there is a natural way that the world runs. we have a mitzvah to do hishtadlus. how much hishtadlus? thats the million dollar quesiton ( in every area of life)

I feel the following- if we follow the reccomendations of the vast majority of drs ( even if they are wrong) we have done a fair amount of hishtadlus. I very possibley exposed people and transmitted it a month ago. I dont think I have to feel guilty about that now. if I would go out unneccessarily - Even if I DID NOT expose anyone- I still did the wrong thing.

you can not feel responsible for doing something that noone was aware was dangerous

( this conversation was in response to a conversation he had with a friend who had symptoms and was making a minyan in building every day anyways. this friend felt- whats the difference -everyone was exposed anyway, kids are playing outside anyways, my staying home makes so little difference- everyone will get it anyway. wrong approach)
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amother




Hotpink
 

Post  Thu, Mar 26 2020, 2:46 am
Dearest OP

The chances that it was because of you are slim. You just responded to their invitation - and made them happy - this was probably a highlight of their isolation! When you get to 120 and learn the truth and see that you've been beating yourself up for nothing your whole life...

(I recently heard of someone who thought he was responsible for a relative's illness. He carried the guilt for years - and when he finally cracked, everyone was able to reassure him that there was NO WAY it could have been his fault. All that pain...)

Please please let the guilt go.
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amother




Aqua
 

Post  Thu, Mar 26 2020, 3:03 am
my healthy son does not visit his grandfather because of this
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mommyX2




 
 
 
 

Post  Thu, Mar 26 2020, 4:00 am
They were probably around a ton of ppl for purim so you were likely not their only exposure. You also did nothing wrong so its all part of the master plan. No one dies without Hashem wanting them to. If it wasnt from you (which itnlikely wasn't esp if u werent coughing ) then they would catch it from someone else bec it was meant to happne. You know you were unaware u were carrying anyrhing and were following protocol at that time so pls dont feel guilty.
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dessara




 
 
 
 

Post  Thu, Mar 26 2020, 4:15 am
You wrote that you only started showing symptoms five days later so it is almost impossible that it was you! Studies show that infectiousness begins approximately 2.5 days before onset of symptoms and peaks 15 hours before.
(Btw, PSA for anyone who has recovered, while viral load steadily declines, people appear to keep shedding the virus for around two weeks after they recover)[quote]
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FranticFrummie




 
 
 
 

Post  Thu, Mar 26 2020, 9:59 am
BDE, I am so sorry for the loss of your friend. Please stop second guessing yourself. Everything is from Hashem.

I got the virus very early on, and I wasn't in contact with any of the known carriers. I may have gotten it from someone on the bus. I was babysitting at the time, and one of the kids had a cough. At the time I figured it was just a normal kid cold, and never gave it a second thought.

3 days after I babysat for the coughing kid, I came down with symptoms and got extremely sick. Who knows where I got it from? Nobody was tracking anything at the time, unless you had been traveling abroad.

We can only do our best, with the information we have at the time. We are not psychic, and we do not have prophecy. Hug
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chocolate moose




 
 
 
 

Post  Thu, Mar 26 2020, 1:27 pm
it's not your fault. you were probably not even the shaliach. these things come from hashem.
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nachasmom




 
 
 
 

Post  Thu, Mar 26 2020, 3:09 pm
Guilt is a killer. YOU ARE NOT AT FAULT. We all must work on our emunah and bitachon. Stay safe and be happy.
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miami85




 
 
 
 

Post  Thu, Mar 26 2020, 3:44 pm
On the one hand its not healthy to live with the guilt especially if you didn't know if you even had it or just a run-of-the-mill cold/flu of the season. There's no way to know the impact of your actions.

On the other hand perhaps this is a metaphor of how lashon hara spreads. We may say something to someone and we have no idea its impact once the words leave our mouthes.

I hope people have used this time to stop talking about other people while at home.
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amother




OP
 

Post  Thu, Mar 26 2020, 5:11 pm
[quote="dessara"]You wrote that you only started showing symptoms five days later so it is almost impossible that it was you! Studies show that infectiousness begins approximately 2.5 days before onset of symptoms and peaks 15 hours before.
(Btw, PSA for anyone who has recovered, while viral load steadily declines, people appear to keep shedding the virus for around two weeks after they recover)
Quote:


really? I thought it incubates in you for 2 weeks , even if you dont have symptoms you could still be spreading it.
this makes me feel a bit relieved.
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