Somewhat morbid question

amother

Sun, Mar 29 2020, 8:41 am

Is there any way to find the names of people who have passed away in London?

I'm still civilly married, but we are not in contact. If he dies I need to know about it, because I am still on his will and life insurance.

imasinger

Sun, Mar 29 2020, 9:06 am

Did you mean to come across as ghoulish as that sounded?

In any case, Google it.

The death toll in London is relatively low per capita, so the odds are he's not on the list.

Wouldn't the lawyers contact you in that case?

dankbar

Sun, Mar 29 2020, 10:25 am

How do you know if he didn't change the beneficiary?

When I read your opening line, I thought you would want to know out of concern, even if you are separated.

amother

Plum

Sun, Mar 29 2020, 10:31 am

I wouldn’t call it morbid, just very tone deaf.
Like the only reason you need to know if the guy is dead, is because some money might be coming to you.

At least someone might be getting something out out of this madness.

dankbar

Sun, Mar 29 2020, 10:35 am

I also thought that you might need to know, if you are an agunah that's waiting for a long time for a get, then you wouldn't be bound to him anymore if he were not alive anymore, but to wish someone dead, because you want their money, is not very ethical.

Rappel

Sun, Mar 29 2020, 11:00 am

I think I can see why you guys divorced...

Deaths are recorded in public record. So are wills that have been put into effect. I'm sure you can look this information up whenever you feel like, irrespective of coronavirus.

amother

Khaki

Sun, Mar 29 2020, 11:03 am

There is actually a term I learned in law school when I took my Trusts and Estates class

It's called the "laughing heir" - I.e. a beneficiary who has no emotional attachment to the deceased.

amother

cornflower

Sun, Mar 29 2020, 11:15 am

Let's not judge OP.
Maybe she just wrote it from a practical, non-emotional place, looking for information without sharing her feeling with is. Maybe it is because he was horrible abusive and she is is a true mensch, looking for information without dragging up mud.

She is looking for facts and didn't put emotion, one way or the other in her OP and doesn't owe us an explanation.

amother

Sun, Mar 29 2020, 11:18 am

I never said I wished him dead. He should live to 120.

Healthwise, he is at high risk though. When we were married I begged him for years to go to a doctor, and he always refused. He does not take care of himself.

I have no idea where to look up public records in England. There is a chance that he changed the beneficiary, of course. I also know that he procrastinates about paperwork. If things aren't urgent in the moment, it will never get done.

No, I do not have any emotional attachment to him. Years of abuse knocked it right out of me.

If you don't have anything helpful to say, and just want to bash me, I hope you feel good about yourself.

Rappel

Sun, Mar 29 2020, 11:59 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

I was not poking fun. I beg your forgiveness if you thought I was.

This seems to be the United Kingdom's national resource. I googled it. If it turns out to be a dead end, then there were other resources on the search.

https://www.nationalarchives.g.....ales/

amother

Blush

Sun, Mar 29 2020, 1:28 pm

sequoia wrote:

It’s ok, OP.

I want my abusive father to die and I don’t care if people think it’s ghoulish. They haven’t lived my life.

I don't want my abusive mother to die. I don't want to have to sit shiva for her, or keep any of the mourning halachot for her.

She doesn't live near me anymore. I don't need her messing up my life one last time.

amother

cornflower

Sun, Mar 29 2020, 1:48 pm

amother [ Blush ] wrote:

I don't know the halachot for a parent, which are different, but it might behoove you to inquire about them.

My dad and his sister had the most horrible relationship. She was older and abusive toward him. When she died, we all kept it from him until after the sloshim passed, so that he didn't have to sit shiva..... (this was prediscussed with him and his Rav and as per his wishes- we had been notified when she was on hospice which made it a little easier to control).
Parents are different, because there is a year of avelut, but find out.

PinkFridge

Sun, Mar 29 2020, 1:52 pm

OP, my dlkz, and it may not be a stretch, was that you wanted to send money to your kids, or maybe pay off debts you accrued thank to him.
May Hashem send us all yeshuos, keheref ayin.

amother

Coral

Sun, Mar 29 2020, 2:10 pm

First of all she is still civilly married so of course she would want to know. Second of all it sound like her ex is not paying alimony or split the assets. They divorced for a reason. Nothing wrong with not liking your ex. No one should wish for them to die but if she would receive money from insurance it wouldn’t be a bad thing.

PinkFridge

Sun, Mar 29 2020, 2:11 pm

sequoia wrote:

It’s ok, OP.

I want my abusive father to die and I don’t care if people think it’s ghoulish. They haven’t lived my life.

I validate these feelings. You've left enough pieces of yourself around that besides good health I wish you peace of mind and the simcha you deserve in life.

sequoia

Sun, Mar 29 2020, 2:22 pm

PinkFridge wrote:

I validate these feelings. You've left enough pieces of yourself around that besides good health I wish you peace of mind and the simcha you deserve in life.

Thanks
I have such horrendous anxiety now because of ill health and certain circumstances... it’s indescribable.

enneamom

Sun, Mar 29 2020, 2:28 pm

sequoia wrote:

Thanks
I have such horrendous anxiety now because of ill health and certain circumstances... it’s indescribable.

I want to say something comforting to you but don't know what that could be. Hug

amother

Maroon

Sun, Mar 29 2020, 2:29 pm

Find a grave .com
See if a volunteer posted his memorial
Good luck
You can look up his name to see if he was buried I found my great grandparents on this site in Canada and the us and Israel it’s free