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Singles - should they be all alone for pesach?
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amother




OP
 

Post  Sun, Mar 29 2020, 8:11 pm
I have a relative that's single and living alone. This relative works, is an essential workers. Doesnt work in the medical field. There is a daily risk of exposure die to interacting with people. If I dont host, this relative will be all alone for pesach. Cant fly home to parents, since they live in a different country.

My husband and I are 40, in general good health. My kids are bh healthy. Dh has some issues, but he just had a conversation with his dr and he isnt considered high risk.

I will ask my dr, but the question is what would it take for you to invite someone for pesach? There is no way that this relative can quarantine now until pesach.
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amother




Linen
 

Post  Sun, Mar 29 2020, 8:15 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote:
I have a relative that's single and living alone. This relative works, is an essential workers. Doesnt work in the medical field. There is a daily risk of exposure die to interacting with people. If I dont host, this relative will be all alone for pesach. Cant fly home to parents, since they live in a different country.

My husband and I are 40, in general good health. My kids are bh healthy. Dh has some issues, but he just had a conversation with his dr and he isnt considered high risk.

I will ask my dr, but the question is what would it take for you to invite someone for pesach? There is no way that this relative can quarantine now until pesach.


I have the same dilemma, only it's ALSO questionable whether this single person can actually make pesach or handle it. Like, I wondered whether they would even eat matzah or have it. We chose to invite them, and we are young with fairly young children (though no little little babies). For now, they are refusing, but this is what we decided.

If someone has the ability to have their own matzah and grape juice and is frum enough to try and do pesach on their own, I'm not sure what I would do.
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amother




Ecru
 

Post  Sun, Mar 29 2020, 8:17 pm
I read the lubavitcher rabbi had shabbos meals alone with his wife
when she passed away he had the seder alone
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amother




OP
 

Post  Sun, Mar 29 2020, 8:19 pm
Yes, this person is bh frum. Due to the current situation they have been alone for shabbos. I am concerned about anyone being alone for a 3 day tom tov, especially if it's not something they are used to.

I will talk to my dr. Maybe offer an option of eating in a different room, visible to the dining room. They would also sleep in the basement.
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seeker




 
 
 
 

Post  Sun, Mar 29 2020, 11:03 pm
Is there any way you can send them a care package? Everything they need for the seder, with some warm notes and reading material? I really wouldn't expose a whole family to someone who has been out and about for work. I think at most a couple of singles could get together themselves if they want to take the chance because being isolated with no internet or anything for a 3-day yomtov is extreme. But you already mentioned you have children... you can't decide on their behalf to expose them.
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amother




OP
 

Post  Sun, Mar 29 2020, 11:15 pm
seeker wrote:
Is there any way you can send them a care package? Everything they need for the seder, with some warm notes and reading material? I really wouldn't expose a whole family to someone who has been out and about for work. I think at most a couple of singles could get together themselves if they want to take the chance because being isolated with no internet or anything for a 3-day yomtov is extreme. But you already mentioned you have children... you can't decide on their behalf to expose them.


Unfortunately this relative doesnt know other singles that are living alone. We dont live to close.

I know that other people have sibblings/cousins that live alone during the week and join the family for shabbos/Tom tov. I wanted to know what they will do now.

By the way, it's not just 3 day, its spending all of pesach alone.
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amother




Khaki
 

Post  Sun, Mar 29 2020, 11:22 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote:
Yes, this person is bh frum. Due to the current situation they have been alone for shabbos. I am concerned about anyone being alone for a 3 day tom tov, especially if it's not something they are used to.

I will talk to my dr. Maybe offer an option of eating in a different room, visible to the dining room. They would also sleep in the basement.


I'm divorced with children but some shabbosim I'm home alone and do a beautiful shabbos for myself. Nobody sees or hears me singing, davening and dancing by the mirror etc. But Hashem does see. Though I do understand my situation is not nearly as bad as being single.

I think singles should stay home during this crisis. Think of it as war time or the Holocaust, when things just are not normal.

Organizations for singles should encourage them to stay home and give kots of chizuk to them.
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amother




Cobalt
 

Post  Sun, Mar 29 2020, 11:32 pm
im not understanding the point of this thread. are you asking if your specific single sibling should spend pesach alone?
or if all singles across the board should spend pesach alone?

do you want to invite your single sibling? if you do then great go ahead. its your choice.

or do you not want to and are looking for validation that your making the right decision because all singles should spend yom tov alone anyway?
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amother




OP
 

Post  Sun, Mar 29 2020, 11:39 pm
amother [ Cobalt ] wrote:
im not understanding the point of this thread. are you asking if your specific single sibling should spend pesach alone?
or if all singles across the board should spend pesach alone?

do you want to invite your single sibling? if you do then great go ahead. its your choice.

or do you not want to and are looking for validation that your making the right decision because all singles should spend yom tov alone anyway?


There was a recent post about newlyweds, that they should make their own pesach and stay home. No one mentioned singles. There are plenty of them out there.

As I said, I will talk to my dr. I just wanted to know what your single relative or acquaintance will be doing for pesach this year.
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amother




Cobalt
 

Post  Sun, Mar 29 2020, 11:51 pm
the idea of- should singles stay home by themselves? takes on an entirely different perspective when you threw into the mix that your specific single is a high risk case for catching the virus being that they are an essential worker.

I dont think the issue is should a newly wed or should a single stay home alone. I think the issue is
should a high risk person spend pesach with someone else vs is it ok for a low or zero risk person to spend pesach with their family.
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amother




Periwinkle
 

Post  Mon, Mar 30 2020, 3:14 am
such a challenging situation for so very many for so many reasons.
if people can at all manage to stay home everyone should
case by case perhaps some exceptions depending upon like literally cannot stay alone think depression or other reasons R"L.
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amother




Sienna
 

Post  Mon, Mar 30 2020, 4:25 am
I'm currently single, and the likelihood is that I'll be spending Leil HaSeder alone. Right now I can occupy myself with the technical details, and review my knowledge of the various requirements, and plan a menu and so on. But whenever I think of that moment when I'll sit down at an empty table in a shining clean apartment and announce "Kadesh" I can barely keep the tears back. It won't make it any easier hearing the other families in my building busy with their Seder.

I don't know what the right answer is, just that I personally am dreading my lonely Seder. At least living in Israel I only have one.
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FranticFrummie




 
 
 
 

Post  Mon, Mar 30 2020, 4:35 am
I'm alone also. I had a few invites lined up, but as people got sick they invites got withdrawn.

I contacted Chabad and they said they had a host family for me, but a few days later they got back to me and said that they are telling everyone to NOT host, and to stay to themselves.

It's sad, it's going to feel really weird and lonely, but I'd rather spend the time at home, so that other people will live to see another Pesach. IYH next year, with friends, family, and in Jerusalem!
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ora_43




 
 
 
 

Post  Mon, Mar 30 2020, 4:53 am
We are so far beyond 'should' right now that we can barely see it on the horizon.

Should singles be alone? No. Nobody should be alone. This whole thing shouldn't be happening.

But if you are in an area where there's a shortage of hospital beds, or expected to be a shortage of hospital beds soon - and, reminder, that includes anywhere in New York state, New Jersey, the UK or Israel - then it is a really, really bad time to risk spreading the virus around.

It's great that you and your family are generally young and in good health. But good health or not, if this guest brings the virus into your home, there's a roughly 30% chance of at least one of you ending up in the hospital (you + your dh + at least 2 kids, 50% chance of transmission (that's a guess, and almost certainly on the low side, considering you're talking three days straight), 15% chance of hospitalization).

And every single person who is in the hospital is another person putting healthcare workers at risk, taking up desperately needed resources, and putting a strain on the system. That's the best case scenario. Worst case scenario, someone else dies because one of you needed a ventilator.

I would use the leniency of having a joint seder over an online video system before inviting someone in person. This is pikuah nefesh.
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ora_43




 
 
 
 

Post  Mon, Mar 30 2020, 4:59 am
This isn't (just) a question for your personal doctor, because it's not just about you. Maybe each person in your family is low risk -

(which FTR means a 0.2% chance of dying, per person, and a 1% chance of someone in your family dying only sounds small until it's real)

- but the main issue isn't whether you personally are likely to survive with first-world medical care, it's whether the hospitals will be functioning if/when you need them. And just how ****** we're all going to be if everybody has guests for Pesach, and what each person's responsibility is to not risk making the situation worse.

Those are questions for hospital administrators, epidemiologists, and rabbis, respectively.
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FranticFrummie




 
 
 
 

Post  Mon, Mar 30 2020, 5:07 am
ora_43, thank you for bringing so much common sense to this thread. I hope it helps other people realize the reality of what is going on.

I can't believe that people are still treating this like just another annoying common cold. Banging head
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Raisin




 
 
 
 

Post  Mon, Mar 30 2020, 7:56 am
I have a similar issue - not a relative but friends who are single and come to us almost every shabbos. I feel absolutely awful not having them over for seder but I just don't feel it is right. Also probably illegal in my country. I will of course offer to send over food and seder supplies.
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amother




Mauve
 

Post  Mon, Mar 30 2020, 7:58 am
Rabbi Hauer speaks about singles and YomTov with practical advice.
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thunderstorm




 
 
 
 

Post  Mon, Mar 30 2020, 8:02 am
My single sister will be alone for Pesach.
My single mother will be alone for Pesach.
My single father will be alone for Pesach.
It is the first time either of them will be spending Pesach alone. Unfortunately this is what Hashem wants for them, this Pesach. Yes they are sad about it. Yes we are sad about it. But they accept and we accept that this is what needs to be done right now.
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amother




Mauve
 

Post  Mon, Mar 30 2020, 8:05 am
thunderstorm wrote:
My single sister will be alone for Pesach.
My single mother will be alone for Pesach.
My single father will be alone for Pesach.
It is the first time either of them will be spending Pesach alone. Unfortunately this is what Hashem wants for them, this Pesach. Yes they are sad about it. Yes we are sad about it. But they accept and we accept that this is what needs to be done right now.


Double post.
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