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-> Coronavirus Health Questions
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amother
OP
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 Sun, Mar 29 2020, 10:47 pm
Im getting so so tired of all the kvetching I hear both in real life, or on this website, or on whatsapp due to this virus .
Yes, I know this is me kvetching also.
But I am getting tired of hearing people kvetch about healthy normal issues that other people would consider blessings!, when there are actual REAL problems due to this virus. Real grief, real hardships.
some mundane kvetches I cannot tolerate hearing anymore.
My apartment is too tiny, im cooped up in such a small space Im going crazy, why cant the parks stay open?! ( seriously? thats your biggest issue?)
Im going crazy without a cleaning lady, my house is a wreck. Or: I need a cleaning lady for 2 hours Im desperate does anyone have one for me? ( nobody is desperate for a cleaning lady. Nothing will happen to you if your house is a wreck. There are some people desperate for breathing machines. Lets not abuse the word desperate.)
I cant go to mikvah my kid has a sniffle, I am desperate, I NEED a hug from my husband. ( no you dont, you just want one. You will survive. some people dont have husbands at all, some single mothers are doing this alone.)
My kids are driving me nuts, they are bored I cant figure out ways to entertain them. ( figure it out, some people are home alone would do anything to have kids to entertain and keep them company.)
The online school schedules are too hard to coordinate. My child's school has too much online school. My childs school doesnt have any online school at all. ( pick your kvetch. is it too much or too little? its impossible to please everyone.)
My local groceries arent doing delivery gasp my kid cant have their favorite chocolate leben. I have no fresh produce, I havnt shopped in a week. ( so eat canned tuna instead. become creative. This is not the worst probelm in the world.)
I could go on and on...
Here are some real hardships. People whose loved ones are in hospitals alone fighting for their last breath and nobody by their side. young adults are sitting shiva alone after their parent has passed away. they are crying from grief and cannot even have a proper shiva. Some elderly people are home alone with no contact to the outside world. Some people have special needs children at home who require 24 hour care and they have no relief in sight.
Yes yes, I get it. we all need to kvetch about the mundane it makes us feel better, but I am getting really tired of hearing it when there are so many heartbreaking situations out there.
can we all please try a little harder to be more grateful for the blessings in our lives?! you dont have it so bad. I promise you.
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amother
Jetblack
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Sun, Mar 29 2020, 10:49 pm
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I keep thinking of Jews who lived in cramped, hidden bunkers for months or years at a time. It puts things into perspective.
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Stars
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Sun, Mar 29 2020, 10:52 pm
I get you but I also get the kvetchers. One persons hardships does not make the other persons load lighter. There's enough room for it to be hard for everyone.
Also, no one is complaining about too much and too little online school. It's either or.
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amother
Floralwhite
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Sun, Mar 29 2020, 10:56 pm
We decided to call this #relative problems.
It's hard for everyone in different ways. Each person's hardship is custom-made for them by the only One Who understands why.
Let's be kind to each other rather than stop each other from reaching out for support.
Yes, I fit one of the categories OP listed as having it worse than the average. I still think everyone has the right to feel overwhelmed these days, and to be supported by other women.
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bigsis144
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Sun, Mar 29 2020, 11:02 pm
Nope, it doesn’t bother me.
Drowning in a swimming pool is just as bad as drowning in the ocean or drowning in a bathtub.
“Mundane” problems can be very stressful too, and just because someone else has it harder doesn’t mean the ones who “have it easy” deserve zero support or sympathy.
#thismessageisendorsedbymytherapist
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amother
Olive
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Sun, Mar 29 2020, 11:04 pm
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mommy3b2c
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Sun, Mar 29 2020, 11:06 pm
| bigsis144 wrote: | Nope, it doesn’t bother me.
Drowning in a swimming pool is just as bad as drowning in the ocean or drowning in a bathtub.
“Mundane” problems can be very stressful too, and just because someone else has it harder doesn’t mean the ones who “have it easy” deserve zero support or sympathy.
#thismessageisendorsedbymytherapist |
Very well said!!!!
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paintbrush
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Sun, Mar 29 2020, 11:10 pm
I agree with you op that everyone should count their blessings at this time and that some of our mundane problems would be a blessing to another person.
While I definitely believe that to be true I also feel that no one has a monopoly on hardships.
Losing loved ones, sitting shiva alone, being elderly all alone are definitely on the top of the hardship list, which I Bh cannot relate to.
However, I want to comment on some of the other difficulties mentioned here.
Someone who is taking care of a special needs child during this time, along with a family of other Bh healthy children is extremely difficult. If that person would complain to a lady who never had any children, the childless lady might think of it as a mundane complaint. She has a hard time with her special child during quarantine, but why doesn’t she appreciate that she has a large family with other healthy children Bh? Which one of these woman have a greater right to be in pain? Neither of them have a monopoly on pain. They are both going through a struggle that the other one can not relate to.
If a woman’s husband is god forbid very sick now, but Bh has three healthy children, a lady who was never married, or divorced with no children can not relate to her pain. And the lady who’s husband is sick can not relate to the pain of the lady without a husband. Neither of them are more entitled to be in pain.
We definitely have to be more sensitive to people who have greater challenges than us, and count our blessings. However, we also have to remember that hardships are not a competition.
Sorry for the long post this is just something that I have been thinking about for a long time.
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amother
Orchid
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Sun, Mar 29 2020, 11:17 pm
I have been trying hard to not do any of the mundane kvetching.
I know people have a lot bigger problems right now.
But it's hurting me. A lot.
I feel like I no longer am entitled to my feelings.
Like I'm not allowed to be sad or overwhelmed unless ch"v someone I know is sick or worse.
But you know what?
I am.
I am sad.
I am overwhelmed.
I am confused.
I am stressed.
It IS hard to make Pesach.
It IS hard to be at home.
It IS hard that if I don't remember in time my son won't learn with his class.
It IS hard that we have no toilet paper, no dish soap, no napkins.
It IS hard to have all the worries on top of the fighting and chaos and uncertainty.
I don't think we do anyone any favors by minimizing what is bothering them right now.
I think we are ALL entitled to be scared, overwhelmed, stressed, or nervous.
If you rely on a cleaning lady for your sanity, it IS hard not to have one.
If you've sent your kids out to school for years, it IS hard to have them home.
If you spend time with friends several times a week, it IS hard to be lonely.
If you have no headspace for those with "small" problems, end the conversation.
But please don't pretend that their life is roses and sunshine, just because of the absence of worse problems.
Even if you have ill relatives yourself, I'm sure I could conjure up an even worse scenario.
Hey, at least they aren't dying on the street in Italy, right? How dare you be upset that they are on a ventilator! Count your blessings!
So he died? So what? He was old! Think about that poor family who lost a father in his late 30s!
So he was young? Well, imagine if you were part of that family that lost MULTIPLE family members!
All of us would be horrified by such an attitude.
Please don't belittle anyone for their pain, their stress, or their fear.
They are ALL valid reasons to be upset.
And feel free to bless them, sincerely, and not to their face, that this be their worst issue.
Because right now, guess what?
It IS their worst issue.
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amother
OP
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Sun, Mar 29 2020, 11:18 pm
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that's my point. your load isnt that heavy in the first place when you change your attitude and count your blessings instead.
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tichellady
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Sun, Mar 29 2020, 11:19 pm
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Nope. I think your attitude is not healthy. There are always people in worse situations. That doesn’t make a hard situation easy. And no one ever felt better by being told that someone has it worse than them.
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giselle
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Sun, Mar 29 2020, 11:22 pm
| amother [ OP ] wrote: | | that's my point. your load isnt that heavy in the first place when you change your attitude and count your blessings instead. |
It’s a great thing to tell myself but not others.
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bigsis144
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Sun, Mar 29 2020, 11:24 pm
| tichellady wrote: | | Nope. I think your attitude is not healthy. There are always people in worse situations. That doesn’t make a hard situation easy. And no one ever felt better by being told that someone has it worse than them. |
This!
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amother
OP
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Sun, Mar 29 2020, 11:25 pm
you know what I DONT see? I dont see the ones with real issues whining. They just survive. take it one day at a time.
and anyway I have said it in my original post. I get that people need to kvetch. I really do. I dont discount it.
I just cant listen to it anymore
espc when I see my friend sitting shiva alone right now.
There see? I just kvetched too. I kvetched that I cant stand it when people kvetch about mundane things. and notice how nobody offered me sympathy . because in your mind- I dont have a right to kvetch about something like this since we must respect everyones issues however small or big.
but this is my issue.
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amother
Bisque
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Sun, Mar 29 2020, 11:28 pm
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Knowing there are people in harder situations doesn’t make your own problems easy. A single mom stuck at home all day in a tiny apartment with five little kids is going crazy at the end of the day even though her neighbor who’s fighting for breath in the hospital has it worse. I get that. But please be a little sensitive. At a time when there are people terrified that they’re about to lose someone they love and they can’t be next to them and they can’t even get an update on their condition because the patient rep at the hospital isn’t answering calls - please don’t kvetch as if your problems are the end of the world. What gets to me are people offering their sympathies to the young couple who just had their wedding in a backyard or living room. Let’s keep things in perspective at least a little. They might not have had 600 guests and a ten piece band but they just got married. Let’s not mix up a wedding with a funeral.
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mig100
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Sun, Mar 29 2020, 11:30 pm
Nope I don't.
Everyone is stressed now. When ur stressed little things only add to the stress
Under normal circumstances kvetching non-stop about things that are a blessing ( healthy kids) I will admit irks me
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amother
Red
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Sun, Mar 29 2020, 11:34 pm
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OP, I'm sure with you. I really need to get off this site. I don't because I am procrastinating really, but the whiny snowflakes who can't follow rules and put health care providers at risk really anger me.
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tryinghard
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Sun, Mar 29 2020, 11:35 pm
| amother [ OP ] wrote: | you know what I DONT see? I dont see the ones with real issues whining. They just survive. take it one day at a time.
and anyway I have said it in my original post. I get that people need to kvetch. I really do. I dont discount it.
I just cant listen to it anymore
espc when I see my friend sitting shiva alone right now.
There see? I just kvetched too. I kvetched that I cant stand it when people kvetch about mundane things. and notice how nobody offered me sympathy . because in your mind- I dont have a right to kvetch about something like this since we must respect everyones issues however small or big.
but this is my issue. |
Because it’s not a kvetch that you are expressing here. If you wanted to say, “all this negativity is dragging me down too”, that would be a kvetch. But you aren’t complaining about how it affects you. This isn’t a kvetch. It’s a judgement and a condemnation of other people.
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seeker
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Sun, Mar 29 2020, 11:35 pm
I think this holds true for any situation. When you are experiencing a personal calamity, other people's first world problems seem completely made up and so irritating. Eventually you ease back into the mundane world and feel a wider range of feelings. Now we are experiencing a communal disaster, and everyone is struggling to figure out where to put all their feelings.
I also think it's important to realize that whatever people are experiencing right now is sitting on top of a thick slippery layer of anxiety. Stress can work cumulatively. Someone who may usually have the bandwidth to cope with their kid's tantrums because they're so grateful they have kids, when they have underlying stress about the fact that the whole world is turning upside down and nobody knows who will be hit next and people are dying and there might not be enough hospital beds and you're out of work and you don't know if there will ever be money for anything and you don't even know how to put one foot in front of the other because the next thing you were going to do was apply for next year's school but is there going to be school and how will you pay for it and are you even going to be alive and and and and... and now your kid is having a tantrum and it feels like the most stressful thing in the world because maybe you didn't even realize how stressed you were but you're that much closer to your tipping point.
It's also a coping thing. Most people have a very hard time thinking about the huge issues. I get very depressed when I think about all the people dying alone and people losing loved ones and everything that is going on in the world. It's too much. Part of me wants to sit down and mourn, but I can't - we have halachos dedicating times for immediate family to mourn, but everyone else needs to stay at least somewhat focused to keep day to day life running. So I CAN'T busy my mind with these huge issues. I need to be busy with the Pesach cleaning and the homeschooling and whatnot. So all this stress and anxiety I have - that's what they're going to latch onto. I can't function if I'm panicked about COVID for more than a few minutes a day - so I'll panic about my personal workload instead. That's just how brains work.
Then there are oblivious people who are immersed in their first-world problems. Yes. I'm not going to pretend they don't exist. I'm just saying that I do think that a lot of the people who are stressing about things like cleaning help and bored kids - 1. these things are stressful and you may not be able to perceive that if you're being hit with something bigger, and 2. they do know they are blessed but they have reached their stress capacity and this is what's pushing the trigger, or 3. they know there are worse things to worry about but their brain can't handle going there.
Signed,
Living in a state of high anxiety and feeling overwhelmed by definite first-world problems
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amother
Seafoam
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Sun, Mar 29 2020, 11:38 pm
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I think that the kvetching is to get away from the reality of our situation. As in we are in uncharted waters so let’s talk about something that helps us ignore what’s beyond our doors.
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