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My girls cannot share a room



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amother
OP


 

Post Tue, Mar 31 2020, 10:31 pm
They used to, and it was a nightmare. Eventually their older brother went away to yeshiva and my older girl moved into his room. She has to move back into her old room for a couple days or weeks at a time, a few times a year, and once a year for a month.

This year, she had to move on zero notice- I moved her out and into her old room when she was in school because her brother got sent home. She's been there since around Purim and will be there until schools reopen. Whenever that is.

The girls managed for a few days without conflict but it is now so difficult to manage again. They have conflicting needs for a room, and now they are both in it so often and going to bed around the same time and have no space from each other. They can't work together to clean it and it's cluttered with double the stuff it usually has, including furniture. And dd cries- she feels displaced. She was doing ok sleeping with me a couple times a week, but dh recently put his foot down about that. I honestly don't get it- if she's displaced, he and I can feel a little inconvenienced too. But he doesn't see it that way. So they fight, and she doesn't sleep enough. And if she gets what she needs in the room, other dd doesn't sleep enough.

Advice? Please?
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pause




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Mar 31 2020, 10:39 pm
Do you have more bedrooms to play around with? I'd consider switching with a younger sibling.

Can you hang up a curtain to divide the room so that the girls have more of their own space?

In any case, it is odd to have a big girl sleeping in your bedroom. I wouldn't do that for more than a one night emergency situation.
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amother
Tangerine


 

Post Tue, Mar 31 2020, 10:43 pm
You can put a room divider in the center of the room so the girls each have their own space.
Your husband is right, a big girl shouldn't be sleeping with her parents.
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amother
OP


 

Post Tue, Mar 31 2020, 10:59 pm
I hear the issue, but have been allowing due to the circumstances. Dd is also very nervous over this whole thing.

The biggest issue we have in the room is noise. She hears everything, including pages turning, and she can't sleep with anything on or in her ears. Her sister sings herself to sleep and then sometimes in her sleep. She is also just not a quiet person- she tries, but everything seems to make noise.

There are no other bedrooms to use.
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amother
Ruby


 

Post Tue, Mar 31 2020, 11:01 pm
Try a noise machine or fan
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amother
OP


 

Post Tue, Mar 31 2020, 11:04 pm
amother [ Ruby ] wrote:
Try a noise machine or fan


That annoys both of them. And she can hear through it.
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lilies




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Mar 31 2020, 11:04 pm
Can Older brother sleep in the dining room? Couch?
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amother
Floralwhite


 

Post Tue, Mar 31 2020, 11:05 pm
After a certain hour, it is acceptable not to have noise in a bedroom. If she has to make noise, she can go downstairs. I don't know how old the one is who sings herself to sleep, but she's got to figure out another way when she's sharing a room. It's just not fair to the other child. Let her get headphones and listen to singing instead.
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solo




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Mar 31 2020, 11:09 pm
I’m supper sensitive to noise and light when trying to fall asleep too. Im also sensory in other ways. So I find earplugs sleep masks very uncomfortable. I really suffer when I’m in a different sleep environment n cant get my sleep. If there’s no way to shuffle sleeping arrangements I’d consider cbd or melatonin to help her settle down
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amother
Wheat


 

Post Tue, Mar 31 2020, 11:09 pm
Do you have a couch in dining / living room?
Can she share a room with her brother?
Can she go to sleep later than her sister?
She'll have to share a room with others at some point - at camp, seminary etc. - she'll have to learn to sleep with noise.
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challahchallah




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Apr 01 2020, 1:40 am
Can you set up an air mattress inside of a privacy tent in the living room?

Here’s an example tent I found with a quick google, though I’m sure there are others:
https://www.privacypop.com/

Also, if your elder daughter can get used to sleeping with a white noise machine, it will serve her well in the future. The point is not that you can’t hear things over it, it’s that your brain focuses on the white noise instead of whatever else is going on. It can take a couple weeks to adjust to, but can ultimately be very very helpful. I was similarly noise sensitive growing up, and had to find a new strategy once college happened.

But also, your younger daughter does need to learn to sleep without singing. At night, they should both find a way to deal with relative quiet (page turning ok, singing not ok). They may both need to compromise.
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