Home
Log in / Sign Up
    Private Messages   Advanced Search   Rules   New User Guide   FAQ   Advertise   Contact Us  
Forum -> Coronavirus Health Questions
Grief and no Public Shiva



Post new topic   Reply to topic View latest: 24h 48h 72h

Chayalle




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Apr 07 2020, 10:17 am
I am grieving for the passing of people I feel connected to, with no Shiva due to the situation now.

Last week I mourned the passing of the father of a childhood friend. It's been years since I saw or spoke to her last, but I remember his warm smile, and I have good memories of playdates in their home. He was a special person, and I feel for them and their loss.

Today, my heart hurts for the family of a wonderful, wonderful person who davened in the shul we were part of before we moved two years ago. He was a young man! Only in his early 50's. I just saw him walking with his wife, not long ago. I'm totally in shock.

If there was a Shiva, I'd go. It would be a way of expressing my pain at this huge loss. These people were the nicest, the kind that made everyone feel included and wanted. I want to tell her how good her husband made mine feel, every time he met him, making DH feel really missed since we moved. I want to tell her that we feel their pain.

But I'm not close to her, not really....just an acquaintance.....and there's no public Shiva. It's so hard, no place to express our grief, no way to show our support really.

All we can do is daven and do some mitzvos as an aliyah for the neshama of this very special person. I just can't believe it....
Back to top

imasinger




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Apr 07 2020, 10:26 am
Very well put.

I feel for all of us who want so badly to visit and support, and even more for the ones in aveilus.

It's a hard time.
Back to top

thunderstorm




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Apr 07 2020, 10:37 am
I know. It’s a horrible feeling. My young nieces and nephews lost their father. I couldn’t even go over to comfort them at all. It’s a really hard situation. May Hashem bring a Nechama to all of Klal Yisroel. We need it.
Back to top

sky




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Apr 07 2020, 12:01 pm
Chayalle wrote:
I am grieving for the passing of people I feel connected to, with no Shiva due to the situation now.

Last week I mourned the passing of the father of a childhood friend. It's been years since I saw or spoke to her last, but I remember his warm smile, and I have good memories of playdates in their home. He was a special person, and I feel for them and their loss.

Today, my heart hurts for the family of a wonderful, wonderful person who davened in the shul we were part of before we moved two years ago. He was a young man! Only in his early 50's. I just saw him walking with his wife, not long ago. I'm totally in shock.

If there was a Shiva, I'd go. It would be a way of expressing my pain at this huge loss. These people were the nicest, the kind that made everyone feel included and wanted. I want to tell her how good her husband made mine feel, every time he met him, making DH feel really missed since we moved. I want to tell her that we feel their pain.

But I'm not close to her, not really....just an acquaintance.....and there's no public Shiva. It's so hard, no place to express our grief, no way to show our support really.

All we can do is daven and do some mitzvos as an aliyah for the neshama of this very special person. I just can't believe it....


I know what you mean. I davened in that shul every so often. Always saw them walking. He was so nice to my kids. Did so much chessed in Lakewood My heart is broken.

I have so many ppl I’m not especially close with sitting. It would be so much easier to just go, sit and then say hamakom and leave. I have such a hard time on the phone.
To Some ppl I sent texts. Normally I feel it’s inappropriate but now I feel it has a place - especially with ppl I’m not too close with.
I have to get up my strength to make calls today. It’s hard.

I also feel the ppl sitting alone in diff houses - shiva so short - no Kaddish going straight into Yom Tov - no one saying goodbye at time of death - spouses separated for weeks prior to death all make this so much harder.
Back to top

amother
Pink


 

Post Tue, Apr 07 2020, 7:41 pm
I can't speak for everyone else, obviously, but I recently sat shiva during this lockdown and I can relate my experience. I can't begin to tell you all how strange it was to not have visitors and to be on my phone or computer all day long instead. I fully understood how awkward it was for people to make phone calls because they had to talk right away instead of sitting and listening and gauging the mood of the shiva house before saying something. Many people called, but many more people texted or emailed. I appreciated every method of reaching out because it made me feel a lot less alone. Even simple 2 line texts from people I hadn't seen for years touched me. I didn't expect long messages from people who didn't know my relative and had nothing to really say about him. Just a quick text saying that someone was sorry for my loss and hamakom from a long ago acquaintance or someone who only knows me from around the neighborhood was enough to touch me.
Back to top

turca




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Apr 07 2020, 7:52 pm
I want to be menachem avel an old friend of mine. I only have her landline and I don’t seem to find her cel number. I’m afraid I’ll call and start to cry. Her husband passed away and left her and and large family. I’m pushing it off. It’s awful!
Back to top

turca




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Apr 07 2020, 8:16 pm
turca wrote:
I want to be menachem avel an old friend of mine. I only have her landline and I don’t seem to find her cel number. I’m afraid I’ll call and start to cry. Her husband passed away and left her and and large family. I’m pushing it off. It’s awful!

I’m open to suggestions Smile
Back to top

amother
Pink


 

Post Tue, Apr 07 2020, 8:24 pm
turca wrote:
I’m open to suggestions Smile


Can you find out her cell number from someone else so you can just send her a message?
Back to top

turca




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Apr 07 2020, 8:29 pm
amother [ Pink ] wrote:
Can you find out her cell number from someone else so you can just send her a message?

I’ve tried. Even google. Got nowhere.
Back to top

amother
Pink


 

Post Tue, Apr 07 2020, 9:43 pm
What about an old fashioned letter?
Back to top

amother
Puce


 

Post Tue, Apr 07 2020, 9:48 pm
Sending an email or even an old fashioned pen and paper letter is a good option. The avelim can read your wishes whenever it's a good time, and they can look back on them after the Shiva.

In my community a number of families have set up zoom so there's an option of "live" Shiva visits.

May we share in simchas.
Back to top

amother
Fuchsia


 

Post Tue, Apr 07 2020, 11:08 pm
turca wrote:
I’ve tried. Even google. Got nowhere.


There's nothing wrong with crying.

It's possible her landline will have an answering machine.

It's really hard. So terrible.
Back to top
Page 1 of 1 Recent Topics




Post new topic   Reply to topic    Forum -> Coronavirus Health Questions

Related Topics Replies Last Post
NYC Public School Therapists: Filing a Complaint 4 Antisemit
by amother
0 Wed, Mar 06 2024, 1:17 am View last post
Is there public transportation from queens to Lakewood?
by amother
2 Sun, Feb 18 2024, 9:10 pm View last post
Reason for concern? Uncomfortable touching in public.
by amother
4 Tue, Jan 23 2024, 10:19 pm View last post
Helping at shiva house-questions
by amother
6 Mon, Jan 15 2024, 2:04 pm View last post
Do any Boro Park bank branches offer free Notary Public?
by amother
9 Thu, Jan 04 2024, 7:41 pm View last post