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Is it fair to expect from them to help out?

 
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amother




OP
 

Post  Wed, Apr 08 2020, 4:15 am
Me and my husband were working like horses today and my teen boys hardly lifted a hand . We kept telling them and reminding them they must help . Like talking to the 4 walls. My husband lost it @ one of my boys. I lost it on my dh little later. I felt he went to harshly with kids. But im overwhelmed in my first trimester, I worked soo soo hard and my teens see it. one boy trys to help here and there , the older one barely. Would u force ? I keep reminding him and nothing helps . Any tips to get teen boys to add a hand ?
Its not working by me . My Kids are lazy (besides my younger ones) and they are not over working, even if I mean seriously buisness, they still ignore . Any tips? Should I let go or continue force , or ???
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flowerpower




 
 
 
 

Post  Wed, Apr 08 2020, 5:06 am
They should definitely help out. My boys peeled a lot of produce today, made a cake, cleaned the porch with a leaf blower, and more. Give them specific jobs.
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twizzlers1




 
 
 
 

Post  Wed, Apr 08 2020, 5:29 am
One of my kids needs specific directions in order to help. If I say to him clean up the living room it's just too overwhelming.If I give them specific instructions like pick up everything off the floor or peel the side of potatoes if very helpful. doesn't mean he likes to help but he's actually capable of doing something that way.
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DVOM




 
 
 
 

Post  Wed, Apr 08 2020, 6:31 am
Of course they should be expected to help!

Perhaps you could enlist their input though in what type of help they'd like to offer. We had this discussion with my two bigger boys (age 11 and 8). Mr. 8 wanted to help in more typical ways, cooking, cleaning. Mr. 11 doesn't enjoy that type of helping (he's grossed out by raw food and has poor attention to detail which makes his cleaning efforts kinda spotty) and asked to run a day camp for my two little guys (7&4). This was actually a massive help these past few days!

How can your boys help in ways that are actually helpful to you, but also things that might feel enjoyable for them? Can they iron? Fold laundry? Do yard work? Entertain the littles?
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FranticFrummie




 
 
 
 

Post  Wed, Apr 08 2020, 7:35 am
Just because they complain, doesn't mean that you are being unfair. Ask each of them a couple of questions. What job do they HATE doing? What job do they not mind doing? Can they agree to switch with each other, so it's not so bad?

Your boys should absolutely be doing their share of the work. Do the world a favor, please don't raise entitled man-babies. Do you want their wives to come crying to you later on, when they are pregnant and your sons are just laying around on the sofa doing nothing?

Kids seem to know how to play on mom's sympathies, or wait her out until she gives up in exhaustion. (My DD was an expert at that.) Unless your DH is a very harsh and unreasonable person, your boys will benefit from a stronger, more masculine approach to getting them up and moving.
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amother




Bisque
 

Post  Wed, Apr 08 2020, 7:49 am
Yesterday I made a list of everything that still needed to be done- I told my 2 teens to please check the list and choose a job that they wanted to do- they felt like they had some control in deciding and it worked out great. I also had explained (ok, half shouted...) to them the day before about how it’s erev pesach and everyone’s attitude should be how can we help, not how can we get out of helping... anyway something there seemed to have worked (although I do regret the shouting/shaming part)
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