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Moving to EY with teenagers
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ukmom




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Apr 22 2020, 5:09 pm
We are thinking of moving to EY in summer, we are Chareidi and have 7 kids ranging in age from 4 months to 16 yrs. any advice on communities and making move with teens???
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computergirl




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Apr 22 2020, 5:26 pm
as per many, many rabbanim, this is a REALLY bad idea. Please consult your LOR who knows your family well.
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Elfrida




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Apr 22 2020, 5:34 pm
Learn Hebrew. Essential, especially for children going to school, wherever you end up living.

And hope that there are going to be flights in the summer.
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Elfrida




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Apr 22 2020, 5:58 pm
I can see why you would want to be here for the beginning of the school year, but that's only three and a half months away. (Boys start the beginning of Elul.) Even in a normal year, packing up a house, finding somewhere to live and new schools, and new jobs for you would take longer than that. If it is an issue, you don't have much chance of selling your current house under present conditions. Rushing through with no plans makes a successful aliyah less likely.

Have you discussed the idea with your older children? What do they think? Unless they are absolutely committed, the inevitable problems are likely to be overwhelming.

No one knows how long the current situation will last, but arranging flights in the summer may not be easy. You might have to start off your life as Israeli citizens with two weeks in quarantine.

I'd say take the time to look into and plan it properly, and if you decide to come, make it next summer rather than this one. In the meantime, with everyone at home, find them some good conversational Hebrew websites. Speaking the language is essential for good klitah.
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essie14




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Apr 23 2020, 3:18 am
You should put this in the Aliyah forum.

Even if this was a normal year, I would say it's too late to be making plans for aliyah for this summer. You should start planning now for next summer. Especially with Corona, I dont think this is the time for moving and new schools etc.
If you have kids of any age you need to do a TON of research before you make aliyah. There are lots of people who can answer specific questions in any of the Israel forums.
Good luck!
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shabbatiscoming




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Apr 23 2020, 3:25 am
The older the kids the harder it is.
Are your kids 100% on the same page as you?
Also for a 16 year year old, it will be extremely difficult as there will be the language barrier and friends have already been made and it will just be overall harder the older they are.
Its also very unrealistic to do this in the next few months with corona and all.
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israelmama




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Apr 23 2020, 3:31 am
computergirl wrote:
as per many, many rabbanim, this is a REALLY bad idea. Please consult your LOR who knows your family well.


There are many families that Aliyah is a good idea. Not all. What’s good for one isn’t good for all. I’m sure OP is in touch with those who can help her- she’s asking us for advice on how to make the move.

OP- learn Hebrew before you come and do extensive research as previous poster mentioned. Before you come, make sure you find a community which your kids have schools. I know families who came and didn’t have schools in mind due to lack of research- they just dreamed of Aliyah and ended up relocating to several cities and still had challenges with schooling. With teens, it’s important that they are on board. Also, a pilot trip is a good idea- I don’t know how that would work with the situation now.
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banana123




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Apr 23 2020, 3:42 am
shabbatiscoming wrote:
The older the kids the harder it is.
Are your kids 100% on the same page as you?
Also for a 16 year year old, it will be extremely difficult as there will be the language barrier and friends have already been made and it will just be overall harder the older they are.
Its also very unrealistic to do this in the next few months with corona and all.

The 16yo will be walking straight into bagruyot or chutzim (which are rumored to be even harder), if it is a girl.

If it is a boy then a yeshiva that doesn't give a high school diploma will probably be easier, as long as he speaks the language. If he needs bagruyot then it may be very difficult.

Best thing to do is start looking those up and preparing before you come. Also look into the possibility of doing something online. If you are in NY perhaps get your teen to do the Regents this year so that s/he will already have a diploma when you come and high school will be less stressful - if they don't get an Israeli bagrut, it's not the biggest deal.

Open University takes students from age 15, no bagrut required. That may also be a possibility, especially for a girl.

I 1000% agree with the posters who said that teens need to be 100% in favor of aliya and committed to it in order for this to work.
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ukmom




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Apr 23 2020, 3:52 am
Thanks so much for all replies. My oldest is girl, we are in U.K. and she will be finished school and go straight to sem as planned. All kids are very eager to move, I and my dh both speak good Hebrew. Am most worried about 14 and 13 yr olds adjusting in school, would like an Anglo community for easier social adjustment for them which is why I originally asked for advice on communities!!
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ukmom




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Apr 23 2020, 3:55 am
I’m new to imamother, how to I move this to Israel forum?
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Rappel




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Apr 23 2020, 3:57 am
It might be a good idea for your older children to either fast-track finish high school before they come, or to find a remote (online?) program they can do so they can qualify for high school in English. That way, they don't have any academic pressure the minute they land. Then they can join school here and just focus on friends and language, which is what they'll need to succeed as adults.

If you don't mind my asking: what's the rush? 3.5 months can be a very short time to get everything organized for 7 children.

Do you have anyone here whom you can rely on like family? Someone you would feel comfortable phoning on Friday afternoon, and saying "were coming for Shabbat, and we have a big bag of laundry to throw in the wash"? A good community/support system can make Aliyah, and the opposite can break it. Especially with your family already so we'll established, I think it's important for you to have that support system already in place before you move, instead of waiting until you make friends in your new community. So if you have family or close friends in country, pick a place which is right next to them, so they can help you with the myriad of beaurocracy and madness that comes with moving to a completely different country.
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banana123




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Apr 23 2020, 3:57 am
ukmom wrote:
Thanks so much for all replies. My oldest is girl, we are in U.K. and she will be finished school and go straight to sem as planned. All kids are very eager to move, I and my dh both speak good Hebrew. Am most worried about 14 and 13 yr olds adjusting in school, would like an Anglo community for easier social adjustment for them which is why I originally asked for advice on communities!!

The 14yo if she goes into grade 10 will have the bagrut issues I mentioned (bagrut is spread over grades 10-12). It may be smart for her to go into grade 9, or even stay back a year.

I want to say Jerusalem or Beit Shemesh would be good options if you need Anglo charedim, but they are both relatively expensive areas to live in. Kochav Yaakov/ Telz Stone may also be a good option and slightly less expensive.

Maybe find a school for your teens first, and choose your community based on where the school is located?

If you both speak good Hebrew, try having everyone speak only Hebrew 2 days a week, from now on.
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Rappel




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Apr 23 2020, 3:59 am
ukmom wrote:
Thanks so much for all replies. My oldest is girl, we are in U.K. and she will be finished school and go straight to sem as planned. All kids are very eager to move, I and my dh both speak good Hebrew. Am most worried about 14 and 13 yr olds adjusting in school, would like an Anglo community for easier social adjustment for them which is why I originally asked for advice on communities!!


Oh good! You're right, your teens will have the hardest adjustment. Again, see if you can sign them up for a parallel academic program, and just put them in an Israeli school for social reasons.

Yay for Hebrew! That's a great step.

Anglo and haredi. Hmmm.... How would you define your "haredi?" There's actually quite a range


Last edited by Rappel on Thu, Apr 23 2020, 4:00 am; edited 1 time in total
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israelmama




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Apr 23 2020, 4:00 am
I was also thinking of Jerusalem or Beit Shemesh- Jerusalem is more expensive though
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Elfrida




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Apr 23 2020, 4:05 am
What would be your budget for housing? Yerushalayim is very expensive, moving out is less so, but Anglo areas tend to be expensive. Do you need to be in any particular area for the sake of jobs?

Even in areas with a high level of English speakers, school will be in Hebrew. You speaking it is a good start, but do your best to make sure the children also have a good grasp of Hebrew before you come.

What kind if school are you looking for? Many chareidi boys schools have minimal secular education by this age. Do you want the boys to have a secular education, or do you want them to focus almost exclusively on Kodesh?

And, however enthusiastic everyone is, I'm still not convinced that this summer is realistic. They may not even allow flights until after the Chagim.
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amother
Smokey


 

Post Thu, Apr 23 2020, 4:14 am
With the quarantine and I heard there might be a second wave. Everything is uncertain. Why would you put your children in so much stress. I heard that there are a lot of off the derech amount Anglo teens in israel. How can they be thrown into an Israeli school?? The Israeli children will eat them alive. They are very aggressive to say the least. I have a friend who moved when her children were at this age. The only one who “survived”is the oldest boy who went to Yeshiva and is very gifted.
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Rappel




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Apr 23 2020, 4:21 am
amother [ Smokey ] wrote:
With the quarantine and I heard there might be a second wave. Everything is uncertain. Why would you put your children in so much stress. I heard that there are a lot of off the derech amount Anglo teens in israel. How can they be thrown into an Israeli school?? The Israeli children will eat them alive. They are very aggressive to say the least. I have a friend who moved when her children were at this age. The only one who “survived”is the oldest boy who went to Yeshiva and is very gifted.


I could be wrong, but I'm willing to bet that the OP has considered all factors before she decided this was the right move for her family. Please respect her decision. What she asked in her OP is how to do this move optimally, and that's what we need to help her with.
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ukmom




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Apr 23 2020, 4:39 am
Rappel wrote:
I could be wrong, but I'm willing to bet that the OP has considered all factors before she decided this was the right move for her family. Please respect her decision. What she asked in her OP is how to do this move optimally, and that's what we need to help her with.


Thank you!! We have been deliberating over aliya for years, but was worried about kids adjusting. It is my kids enthusiasm that is now making us reconsider. They are all extremely sociable and confident and have never had problem making friends. we Have siblings in Israel but not interested in moving to either of their communities, though will def be a huge help having them nearby. By chutznick standards we are very Chareidi, but I think the Israeli Chareidim are too to the right wing (religiously) for us. Been thinking Ramat Beit Shemesh, but there seems to be many different communities there, would love some clarification of differences between varying communities in rbs.
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banana123




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Apr 23 2020, 4:43 am
amother [ Smokey ] wrote:
With the quarantine and I heard there might be a second wave. Everything is uncertain. Why would you put your children in so much stress. I heard that there are a lot of off the derech amount Anglo teens in israel. How can they be thrown into an Israeli school?? The Israeli children will eat them alive. They are very aggressive to say the least. I have a friend who moved when her children were at this age. The only one who “survived”is the oldest boy who went to Yeshiva and is very gifted.

LOL LOL LOL

Israeli kids eat Anglo teachers alive, too. Yum yum!!

It's not aggression. They love each other. It's just elbows. No one is allowed to be a "fryer," you must always stand your ground.
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israelmama




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Apr 23 2020, 4:45 am
ukmom wrote:
Thank you!! We have been deliberating over aliya for years, but was worried about kids adjusting. It is my kids enthusiasm that is now making us reconsider. They are all extremely sociable and confident and have never had problem making friends. we Have siblings in Israel but not interested in moving to either of their communities, though will def be a huge help having them nearby. By chutznick standards we are very Chareidi, but I think the Israeli Chareidim are too to the right wing (religiously) for us. Been thinking Ramat Beit Shemesh, but there seems to be many different communities there, would love some clarification of differences between varying communities in rbs.


PMd you
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