Super stubborn and unmotivated 5 yr old

amother

Wed, Apr 22 2020, 6:27 pm

He’s almost 6. In P1a. He’s always Been a low energy kid. The only thing worth working toward is food. But he’s also very stubborn and would rather miss out on a treat then change his mind or be flexible.
He almost never does the things I ask him too... pls put ur shoes on the mat. And I’ll find them on the floor halfway to the mat. Pls put ur clothes in the hamper. And they’re stuffed under a drawer. Please clear ur place. And he drops it halfway to the bin. He refused to wear a coat so he couldn’t join my husband n other kids on a sunset walk. I hate the negativity so I have lowered my standards to zero n compromise n give in whenever possible. Still he wont cooperate. The only time he agreed to do school work with me was when I put a pile of chips near his school book. And then he did a fantastic and surprisingly quick job of it. And asked for candy as a reward. Food is literally the only thing that motivates him. Otherwise he will slump in his seat. Growl at me or mumble n whine. He is such a sweet soft boy but I am loosing my mind

amother

Linen

Wed, Apr 22 2020, 8:25 pm

Sounds intense. Maybe he can use play therapy for extra attention. Who knows maybe he'll feel a little more understood then and less the need to act out. A 5 year old only respondeding to food bribes is headed down and very dangerous path Sad

amother

Apricot

Wed, Apr 22 2020, 8:31 pm

sounds like he’s manipulating you and you’re falling for it. Is he overweight? I think using food as reward and punishment is setting a precedent for a bad relationship with food. And the fact that he’s so motivated by food worries me. I would try to stop playing his game

amother

cornflower

Wed, Apr 22 2020, 8:37 pm

#BestBubby wrote:

Use food as a reward. Don't give him treats for free.

If he puts his clothes in the hamper he gets a yummy snack. If not - just carrot sticks.

That sounds like a very bad idea. Is he overweight? Even if he’s not you’re setting him up for a lifetime of problems with food.
Some kids like food more than others. Some go crazy for nosh more than others. I’m not saying this is easy OP. You probably knew this without me telling you but it would be great if you could find something else that interests him. Using nosh as a reward is never a great idea but with a kid like this you’d probably want to avoid candy as a prize even more.

rkade10

Thu, Apr 23 2020, 2:02 am

That’s so, so frustrating. My 5 year old is similarly stubborn, so no you’re not alone.

Have you looked into the Nurtured Heart parenting approach? we have seen a huge change for the better since starting it.