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Punishment

 
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Yael




 
 
 


Post  Sun, Oct 31 2004, 3:43 pm
I was having this discussion recently and wanted to know what others think.
in order for a punishment to be effective, does that mean the child should be crying? if a child just sits in time out without crying, does that mean that timeout is not an effective method of disipline for this child? or is it still a good method, and the fact he's not crying just means...what?
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Motek




 
 
 


Post  Sun, Oct 31 2004, 5:04 pm
wouldn't the proof that the punishment is effective be if the child didn't repeat the offense?
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ForeverYoung

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Post  Sun, Oct 31 2004, 5:23 pm
Motek, I do not think that this is an indicator.

did you ever punish your kids for fighting? Did they stop after the 1st offence? I'm sure, as a mother you've seen kids repeat offences again & again.
They're not saints. The are as human as we are and need time to get rid of a habit or improve a charactert trait. I can imagine a punishment that will scare the wits out of a child & the child will never 'transgress' anymore. But this is counterproductive, as it's based of fear. As soon as the thret of punishment will dissapear, the behavior will come back.

Child does not have to cry, nor does he have to stop doing it.

Generally, I punush via time-outs and withdrawal of priveleges. But I always make sure to talk to the child before & after to ensure:
1. he understands why he is being punished
2. he knows what is expected of him next time around
3. he can explain it to me (in his own terms).
4. make sure that he knows that s/he is a good child & can do better than that.

Further than that I daven & hope I did the right thing.


Last edited by ForeverYoung on Sun, Oct 31 2004, 6:10 pm; edited 1 time in total
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Motek




 
 
 


Post  Sun, Oct 31 2004, 5:30 pm
you disagreed with a question? Smile
as I wrote it, I wondered ... when that would be a good criterion, and when not

I think it has validity, though maybe not all the time.

let's see ... if a four year old says some obnoxious things and you punish her for talking like that, and within the hour she's saying it again, I don't think the parent got through to the child

but if you punish kids for fighting today, and two days later they're fighting again, I think it's fair to say, as you did, that they're not angels, and certain things will repeat themselves
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ForeverYoung

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Post  Sun, Oct 31 2004, 5:42 pm
Motek wrote:
as I wrote it, I wondered ... when that would be a good criterion, and when not. I think it has validity, though maybe not all the time.


Oh, I agree with this

Motek wrote:
if a four year old says some obnoxious things and you punish her for talking like that, and within the hour she's saying it again, I don't think the parent got through to the child


or may be the child is just testing the limits?
It's not that I fully disagree with you - I guess I partially agree Very Happy

It's just that all children are different, and each will take his own # of repetitions to stop once & for ... most of the times. LOL


Last edited by ForeverYoung on Sun, Oct 31 2004, 6:06 pm; edited 1 time in total
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proudmom




 
 
 


Post  Sun, Oct 31 2004, 5:55 pm
My kids never learn. I punish them and they still repeat their actions over and over again
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ForeverYoung

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Post  Sun, Oct 31 2004, 6:13 pm
don't give in!!!
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Motek




 
 
 


Post  Sun, Oct 31 2004, 6:21 pm
but maybe it's the fly against the window analogy!

sometimes you see a fly banging away at a closed window, trying to get out

no matter how much effort the fly makes, it will never get out that closed window

sometimes persistence pays off
other times, it might be wise to modify one's approach!
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ForeverYoung

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Post  Sun, Oct 31 2004, 6:26 pm
Hey, Motek! Very Happy Here I come LOL

well, I ment don't give in as in "keep on trying to make them better & they will be"
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mommy2




 
 
 


Post  Sun, Oct 31 2004, 9:21 pm
I dont think a child has to cry every time hes punished. Another thing is that maybe hes too young to grasp the concept that time out is a punishment. For example, my 3 yr old is more likely to get upset after a timeout then my 21 month old.
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Yael




 
 
 


Post  Mon, Nov 01 2004, 4:20 pm
I think it works b/c if I say to levi, if you do that I'll put you in time out, and he stops, (usually) right away.and if he doesnt, he gets time out. he understands what he did wrong b/c we talk about it after. and he has to make nice and give a kiss if he had hurt someone. I'm pretty sure it works for him, but it doesnt always work if its my husband who says it. I dont know why, could it be he doesnt take him seriously?
my husband usually will end up putting him in his crib b/c sitting on the chair for time out doesnt feel (to him)like its bad enough.
how do I convince my husband that it does work, even if it doesnt ALWAYS work?
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Tefila




 
 
 


Post  Tue, Nov 02 2004, 1:54 am
Quote:
my husband usually will end up putting him in his crib b/c sitting on the chair for time out doesnt feel (to him)like its bad enough
Yael I unfortunatley am sometimes guilty of that too. But timeout when consistent does work and no they don't have to cry but they can't be smiling eigther my problem is my 2 yr old when told off will almost always change the subject at first I thought it was accidental but now I realize it is not. But I refocus and ask her why she did that or it wasn't a nice thing to do etc and she has to say sorry and make nice etc
She is a bright cookie but a little monster too sometimes!
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proudmom




 
 
 


Post  Wed, Nov 10 2004, 11:21 am
http://parentcenter.babycenter.....63909.html

Timeout for toddlers
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seagull




 
 
 


Post  Sun, Nov 14 2004, 10:57 pm
I'm new to this site, so bear with me...

I often use a timeout not as a "punishment" but as a way to stop disruptive behavior - in other words, the child does not have to be crying, just removed from the situation. If the child is sent to his/her room, and begins playing nicely in his/her room, great. In fact, my 3 1/2 year old often takes my 2 year old's hand and says "lets go sit on the steps/go up to our room " and they happily go together(!)

Of course, this the the best case scenario.

The worst case scenario is that I am at my witt's end, and rather than scream (more) at the kids or hit them, I put them in a time out until I can pull myself together and handle them better. Occasionally I even annouce that "mommy needs a time out" and lock myself in my room (I've even been known, on desparate occasions, to drink my morning coffee in the bathroom!)

Also, I find with my older kids, that they often are upset by a time out, but do not cry about it. Crying is not always the measure of effectiveness of a "punishment".

That being said, I find disciplining my children in a healthy, effective way (one of) the most difficult things about being a mother.
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Tefila




 
 
 


Post  Mon, Nov 15 2004, 12:47 am
seagull
[quote]Occasionally I even annouce that "mommy needs a time out" and lock myself in my room quote]
Yep sometimes I need that too embarrassed
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hadasa




 
 
 


Post  Mon, Nov 15 2004, 1:20 am
[quote="freilich"]seagull
Quote:
Occasionally I even annouce that "mommy needs a time out" and lock myself in my room quote]
Yep sometimes I need that too embarrassed


So do I, occasionally. Smile

Generally speaking, I don't think a child has to be crying for the punishment to be effective. The only time I find it's important that a child should cry is when he's done something really serious, like stealing, and then the crying should not be from the punishment, but from remorse, from the realization thathe has done something very wrong.
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Rivka




 
 
 


Post  Wed, Nov 17 2004, 5:40 pm
Some kids don't like to cry but if they are quiet then it means they are thinking about it and that is all you can do. My child is too young for time outs, but when he is old enough he deffinately will have them as I think it is important, it first of all seperates them from the situation so calms them down and if do it calmly and warn them before hand that their behaviour will be deserving of a time out before giving them the punishment.
It gives the child time to reflect but it depends how you deal with time out, it shouldn't be overused coz then the child will not take it seriously.
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Tefila




 
 
 


Post  Fri, Dec 08 2006, 4:20 pm
Any more ideas on this Confused
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happymom




 
 
 


Post  Sat, Dec 09 2006, 10:47 pm
I dont think time out should be considered a bad thing. its should be thought of as a GOOD Thing. its time to take off so the child can think clearly about what he did wrong, or think when he is ready to act calmly speak nicely etc..... the child doesnt have to be crying and sad, just has to realize what is right and wrong.
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