Need advice asap...picky eater

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amother

Sat, Apr 25 2020, 10:18 pm

Sorry for the long post but I need to explain what is going on....TIA

My son is almost 8 years old and is an extremely picky eater. He has been eating the same things for the past 5 years basically. He is scared to try new foods and recently, he has told me that he wishes he was normal like everyone else and could eat what everyone else is eating and it's started to bother him that he is so limited in what he eats. He told me that his problem is that his brain tells him to throw up whenever he tries a new food and he wishes he could get a new brain so he wouldn't get like that.

He eats yogurt, lebens, string cheese, muenster cheese, graham crackers with peanut butter, matzah, a few cereals, cucumbers, tomatoes, apples, mango, watermelon, turkey/pastrami, hotdogs, certain snacks (pretzels, veggie straws, popcorn, bbq bissli, nosh, some types of chocolate, corn cakes, rice krispy treats, sprinkle cookies, vanilla icecream, ices. This is basically what he has eaten for the past 5+ years. As you can see, he eats all different textures so that's not his issue.

His pediatrician has told him quite a few times at his past well visits that he should try 1 new food a month which he did a couple times but it was so hard for him and he would get so anxious and emotional that we just decided to stop after a while because it was all he thought about and he couldn't relax all day. I have offered him treats, prizes, special rewards, money, trips, etc to get him to try new foods but none of these offers have really worked.

Over this past Shabbos, I was talking to him and he mentioned to me again that he wishes his brain would allow him to try more foods and he really wants to stop being so picky and he hates that he is afraid to try new foods and he even started crying so all of a sudden, a thought popped into my head and I told him that I recently heard of a new medicine/vitamin that is available for kids like him that basically, you take it half an hour before you want to try a new food and it makes the food taste good and it won't be gross for him. I told him it's a very expensive medicine that only recently came out but I didn't order it yet because I kept thinking he won't need it. He was so happy and relieved after I told him this and he couldn't stop talking about it all Shabbos. I told him that I will ask the doctor to prescribe it for him and he kept telling me how happy he was to try it and I told him that he can still pick which new foods he wants to try first and each time going forward. He is so thrilled to hear that there is a "medicine" that can help him. He asked me if I can get him a bubble gum or cherry flavored medicine and he would prefer a liquid medicine. Does anyone have any advice or tips for me on what I can give him and how I can package it to make it look legit? I really want to help me son and at this point, it's completely psychological because he has been eating the same foods for years and years. He hates not being able to eat regular foods when we go away for shabbos or when we go out to eat or on vacation and I really want to help him overcome his issue. I really could use support and encouragement so we can conquer this issue once and for all.

I don't know forsure but I think a big part of his issue with picky eating started many years ago by his playgroup morah (she was a bubby) where she would force the kids to eat and drink even when they didn't want to eat or drink - I only found this out afterwards. My son would come with with a change of clothing, sometimes 2 changes of clothing almost every day because he would throw up almost every day by her house. I didn't realize that it wasn't normal at the time because he was my first child and I have never sent any kids to her since then. I get very upset just thinking about it....

amother

White

Sat, Apr 25 2020, 10:32 pm

Wow I remember reading a similar story in the mishpacha magazine. Could it be he could use a few sessions with a psychologist to address his trauma aside for the behavioral methods to get him to try new foods? I have a picky son too that I can list the foods he eats. He has developmental delays and it was a sensory thing combined with a behavioral component. He used to vomit many times a day. Some things that worked for us was bribing with preferred food. Distracting with videos. Being firm and telling him this is what is for supper please chose two of the three components. Then I give him just what I think is possible for him to eat and tell him to please start eating. Then mind my own business unless he needs a reminder to please eat more. I don't make him finish his plate because I want him to also know how moderate his eating by how he feels, but I say eat most of it. That's up to interpretation.
There is a British show about a nanny I forgot what it's called and one of the episodes was about a kid who was so picking he only ate cookies. I was so emotional watching it I started to cry from all the trauma and stress we went through to get my son to eat a normal diet. He is still picky but we are at the point that I don't need to shlep his preferred food wherever we go. He can usually find something he's ok with eating.
To answer your direct question, you can try elderberry syrup. It looks like medicine and taste like sweet berry syrup. It can be takes as a daily supplimeny I think and You can find it at a pharmacy.

amother

Chartreuse

Sat, Apr 25 2020, 10:40 pm

Zinc deficiency can alter how we perceive tastes and textures. Thiamine (vit b1) deficiency can affect appetite regulation. Both are very common deficiencies.

Sometimes extremely picky eating can be a form of ocd. This can have many causes, but chronic strep (or other chronic infections, or other things that cause inflammation in the body) is a common contributor.

Some kids with leaky guts will restrict themselves to foods that give them an opiate fix, namely, gluten and dairy. Counterintuitive as it sounds, cutting those food groups from their diet entirely allows them to expand their palate.

Read Ellyn Satter on the division of responsibility in feeding.

Good luck!!

Frumme

Sat, Apr 25 2020, 10:42 pm

Seconding elderberry syrup! Either that or, if he'll take it, a lozenge of some type. I think Wal-Mart sells a kosher vitamin C lozenge for example-- it has just the right amount of medicinal taste that it might do the trick.

If not... You might be able to spin one of the Zahler's kids products to fit your needs ( https://zahlers.com/product-ca.....alth/ ) e.g. maybe kid calm...

Good luck!

amother

Sat, Apr 25 2020, 10:49 pm

Frumme wrote:

I think I will look into the kid calm from Zahlers because that might calm his anxieties down to make him relaxed before he tries a new food. Thank you for your advice! I really appreciate it!

amother

Sat, Apr 25 2020, 10:50 pm

amother [ Chartreuse ] wrote:

He doesn't have OCD and he doesn't seem to have any stomach issues, B'H. I really think it's psychological because he wants to get over his issue and he wishes so badly that he wasn't so picky. He told me that it's his brain that's causing him to be like this when it comes to trying new foods.

amother

Wine

Sat, Apr 25 2020, 11:28 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

New amother here and what he's describing (intrusive thoughts) does seem to be on the compulsive/anxiety spectrum. It's possibly genetic, possibly trauma from that teacher, possibly both (trauma triggered certain genes). As someone on the anxiety spectrum, I've been able to modify mine by listening to subconscious reprogramming recordings. I think these would be very beneficial for him - especially as he's someone who so desires to change. Maybe try one of those in conjunction with your "medicine".

Your trick may work and I hope it does. But sometimes issues with compulsivity/anxiety cannot be resolved without getting deeper into the subconscious, whether through therapy, meditations, or other tools. In more extreme cases, they may require actual medicine to retrain their brain how to respond appropriately to ordinary situations.

amother

Sat, Apr 25 2020, 11:32 pm

amother [ Wine ] wrote:

Do you have any recommendations for subconcious reprogramming recordings that he can listen to? I think he would be open to that as well.

#BestBubby

Sat, Apr 25 2020, 11:34 pm

SEIT here. This is how I helped a picky eater using ABA.

Target: Eating American Cheese

1. Told child to allow Morah to put cheese on his plate, he didn't have to eat it.

2. I started playing with my cheese, folding it into shapes. Child did the same.

3. Child started eating the cheese and asked for more.

Doesn't always work, but worth a try. Try to get child to try one tiny bite dipped in ketchup.
Don't push for more - just one bite.

amother

Chartreuse

Sun, Apr 26 2020, 12:08 am

amother [ Wine ] wrote:

Agree with this, that the thoughts behind the pickiness can be intrusive thoughts and on the anxiety/ocd spectrum. My bet is that rather than trauma at it's root, there's brain inflammation at its root. Or maybe a combination of both. I know it can be an out there idea for some, because we're so used to blaming mental health issues on psychology rather than neurology, but I'm just gonna leave this here anyways. In case you want to revisit.

Oh and also, leaky gut doesn't mean your child will have any obvious gi issues. This pickiness in an of itself can be your only sign.

amother

Rose

Sun, Apr 26 2020, 12:12 am

By any chewable or liquid vitamin
I like the idea of something that’s calming as well
There are speech therapist that specialize in picky eating. You may want to try talking to one

amother

Sun, Apr 26 2020, 12:18 am

Thanks for all of your replies. I looked into feeding therapy for my son a while ago but I was told that it takes a really long time to see even the smallest change and it's not even guaranteed at all and it was very expensive so I decided not to do it in the end.

He is eating quite a variety of different foods....he just eats very few proteins and he can't bring himself to try any new foods because he gets so stressed out just thinking about trying a new food/dessert/pastry etc. He also told me a few times recently that he knows that I'm a great cook and baker because everyone says so and he feels bad that he doesn't get to taste any of my yummy food...lol. He is so cute! Laugh

lilies

Sun, Apr 26 2020, 12:29 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

I don't know forsure but I think a big part of his issue with picky eating started many years ago by his playgroup morah (she was a bubby) where she would force the kids to eat and drink even when they didn't want to eat or drink - I only found this out afterwards. My son would come with with a change of clothing, sometimes 2 changes of clothing almost every day because he would throw up almost every day by her house. I didn't realize that it wasn't normal at the time because he was my first child and I have never sent any kids to her since then. I get very upset just thinking about it....

I really don't want to make you any more upset but please be aware that this is very likely the cause of his issues. To be force-fed to the point of vomiting and changing clothing every day is terribly traumatic.
Even if the reason for vomiting was due to something else, the fact that he was forced to eat/vomit daily is traumatic itself.

Please, please deal with the underlying issue as well, even if he starts eating better.

I think your 'medicine' idea is brilliant!

amother

Natural

Sun, Apr 26 2020, 2:13 am

I would really take him to a qualified psychologist/specialist.

And not to be devils advocate here, but what would happen if the placebo medicine wouldn't work? Are you sure it is merely his conscious mind over matter here?

And if it doesn't work and you do take him to a qualified psychologist/therapist who might recommend a medication, perhaps your son would be less inclined to try it? or try new foods again?

...I think the concept of "medicine" is a great idea, but be sure your child isn't too old for this. Be wary of stretching the truth to him even with his best interests at heart.

I love the fact that your son is so motivated, this would iyH help in whatever route you do take.
You seem like a really invested mom, wishing you best of luck.

amother

Sun, Apr 26 2020, 9:19 am

My son woke up this morning and one of the first things he did was give me a hug and thank me for getting him this "medicine" and he even wrote me a thank you note as well. He is the yummiest boy in the world and I really hope this method works because he so badly wants to get "better" and try new foods and not get grossed out and feel the need to spit it out right away. Thanks again for all your helpful replies. I am taking everything into consideration. Any more helpful ideas are appreciated!

anonymrs

Sun, Apr 26 2020, 9:58 am

amother [ Chartreuse ] wrote:

I would use your idea and follow this amother's advice. I agree with everything she said! Give zinc and thiamine as the new medicine. Good luck!

oneofakind

Sun, Apr 26 2020, 11:03 am

Child therapist here. I don't like lying to kids especially when you could be educating him about his mind.
Forget "medicine". It could totally backfire.
This is trauma. Many therapists are doing teletherapy now. You can pm me.

FranticFrummie

Sun, Apr 26 2020, 11:05 am

Your situation is not uncommon! Food phobia, fear of vomiting, and feeding anxiety are all problems that can come up, and should be tackled as soon as possible.

Be patient, distract him from eating, and do not react no matter what. The less you pay attention to meal time, and the more you get his mind off it, the more he might be willing to try.

Last edited by FranticFrummie on Sun, Apr 26 2020, 11:24 am; edited 1 time in total

amother

Sun, Apr 26 2020, 11:13 am

He gets hungry all the time and has no problem with his appetite. He eats throughout the day and he really enjoys the food that he eats.

amother

Purple

Sun, Apr 26 2020, 6:57 pm

#BestBubby wrote:

OT here- this can be really helpful! Breaking down the steps as listed above and even more so...

You can have him just have the food on his plate, then move onto just smelling the food, then licking it, then putting a small bite of the food into his mouth but he can spit it out, and then move onto taking a tiny bite and chewing and swallowing. Move on to the next step once he is comfortable.

These steps can take weeks and weeks in OT so don't try to make it happen in 2 days.

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