What are your post-Seminary daughters doing right now?

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amother

Sun, Apr 26 2020, 4:47 pm

What are you 19-23 year old daughters doing now? Before all this quarantine started 3 of mine had wonderful jobs. Now their places of employment are closed. They are basically sitting around the house doing absolutely nothing!
They stay up until 4 or 5 in the morning and sleep until 1 or 2 in the afternoon, so they don't really help much with the younger kids Zoom classes. They just appear to eat, then retreat to their rooms. Occasionally, they'll do a workout, but basically they are in their rooms all day. They aren't even helping with the housework.
Two of them were about ready to start dating when this all started, but that has been put on hold too since we are out of town, and there's no way for them to travel for dates, or to have someone travel to them.

So, what are your daughters doing?

Raindropsonrose

Sun, Apr 26 2020, 4:48 pm

Why can’t you ask them to pitch in and help with their siblings?

amother

Peach

Sun, Apr 26 2020, 4:52 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

They're done with their degrees?

You can always try marrying them off... Although my understanding is that shadchanim are swamped.

Ask them if they can take over the mornings one day a week each.

A lot of people turn into vegetables if they don't have structure, and it develops into a self perpetuating vicious cycle.

Are there any other jobs they can take in interim? If they're collecting unemployment that may not be worth it.

amother

Sun, Apr 26 2020, 4:58 pm

amother [ Peach ] wrote:

They're done with their degrees?.

Op here: 2 are done. 1 doesn't know what she wants a degree in.

amother

Amber

Sun, Apr 26 2020, 4:58 pm

Yes, OP you are not alone. Thanks for sharing. I dont know a way out, except to tell you I dont think the boys are doing much better....

amother

Sun, Apr 26 2020, 5:03 pm

amother [ Amber ] wrote:

Yes, OP you are not alone. Thanks for sharing. I dont know a way out, except to tell you I dont think the boys are doing much better....

OP here: I'm sure boys aren't either. My oldest boy is 15 and just sleeping a ton. At least he still has to do schoolwork, though, which gives him something to do. The situation with him is that he really misses physical activity.

singleagain

Sun, Apr 26 2020, 5:22 pm

Might I suggest that if you have a kosher supermarket nearby you try to find out if they need help? If they can come help personal shop, or deliver it might help the supermarkets as they are working overtime now.

ROFL

Sun, Apr 26 2020, 5:50 pm

Or see if they can volunteer with or as an essential employee. Perhaps help babysitting For nurses or doctors in the community - help a family with a disabled child , or simply a family with an overwhelmed mother.
If they work with the same family it is safer than if they are with different people.

chestnut

Sun, Apr 26 2020, 6:41 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Don't HS boys have classes over the phone/zoom?

amother

Sun, Apr 26 2020, 6:44 pm

chestnut wrote:

Don't HS boys have classes over the phone/zoom?

OP here: Yeah, that's what I meant by school work. Not used to this whole zoom thing!!😁

amother

Floralwhite

Sun, Apr 26 2020, 7:48 pm

You can ask them to help out or take over a few tasks (I.e. assisting zoom for younger sib) but otherwise leave them alone.
If you want to maintain a good relationship with them, please don't treat them like little kids or teens. My friend told me once years ago her mom "grounded" her at the age of 23 or 24 when she was single and living at home. Sounded like it really damaged their relationship and honestly, I was horrified to hear it. (Now that she's been married many years, I'm sure she's forgotten all about it. But I think she had a good few rough years and a rocky relationship with her until she got married.)
There's nothing wrong with your daughters living at home if that's what "goes" in your circles. But please realize they deserve to have some autonomy, even as you ask them to pitch in with household needs.

amother

Sun, Apr 26 2020, 8:09 pm

amother [ Floralwhite ] wrote:

OP here: We are not upset AT ALL that they are living at home. My post is just about finding them something to do during all this!

Obviously there are house rules, like please don't play loud music at 3 am or hang up your bath towel, but those are just standard common courtesy things. I wouldn't "punish" my 21 year old for staying awake until 3am!

I really just want them not to be bored, which obviously could lead to other issues!

We have strict Stay At Home orders, so a job outside of the home is not possible right now.

amother

Floralwhite

Sun, Apr 26 2020, 8:18 pm

Oh, ok.
If they don't seem bored, though, I'd let it alone.
If they are asking for ideas, you can suggest they look for an online course in something that interests them even if it's not a degree. I bet if you Google these days you can find people offering online courses on fancy cooking, cake decorating, needlework, sewing, knitting, art classes etc. The instructor may be a random person living in Nebraska or someplace far away but that's the beauty of doing an online class!

amother

Fuchsia

Sun, Apr 26 2020, 8:32 pm

Deleted

crbc

Sun, Apr 26 2020, 8:36 pm

My daughter is volunteering for Sister to Sister : spending an hour via Zoom with a child.
Also Udemy has free hobby courses now and so is Sophia.org - can get free college credits.

amother

Natural

Sun, Apr 26 2020, 9:06 pm

I have a sister and a brother this age. My parents gave them both one night a week that supper is their responsibility, and they both have to make something for shabbos.
My sister doesn't really cook, so her night was bagels with tuna, avocado and salad. She also made canned soup or took out from the freezer, I forgot. For shabbos she prepared a game for the younger ones.
My brother made two types of chicken, yapchik, a huge pot of soup (enough to freeze) and a more interesting salad from a cookbook. For shabbos he made dips and a cake.
My parents also expect them to set aside time in the morning to daven, and if they're making themselves breakfast or lunch to make enough for the 3 younger siblings (who can technically fix themselves simple sandwiches, one can't touch stove yet and one can't touch knife yet). Basically, you're making French toast or pizza bagels, offer a younger child.
My brother helps my husband with his business to keep busy (unpaid) and my sister chats with her friends and is keeping up with her personal trainer over Skype.
They both still have some extra time, and are playing video games they haven't played in years.
Also, they're both ages 17-20, I don't think my parents would regulate an older child.

BH5745

Mon, Apr 27 2020, 2:40 am

There is a plethora of work-from-home jobs on indeed.com right now! I think 1/3 of them are for mortgage loan processors, which requires no experience. And there's also teaching English to kids abroad, like VipKid and MagicEars. If you can get your daughters to update their resumes and send out some applications for work-at-home jobs, I would imagine they find a good opportunity quickly.

amother

Ginger

Mon, Apr 27 2020, 3:11 am

amother [ Peach ] wrote:

You can always try marrying them off... Although my understanding is that shadchanim are swamped.

Of course they're swamped - mad rush to marry them off before all this corona snacking takes it's toll!

JK before you hug me Smile

My oldest DD is 4 so the only one getting fat and unfit for marriage is me lol

amother

Puce

Mon, Apr 27 2020, 3:30 am

Mine have school but I plan to make sure they have a course or job for the summer. Its the only way I can think to help maintain some routine for them. Also dating, the phone / zoom is a fine way to date.

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