Tefilah and being by yourself

amother

Wed, Apr 29 2020, 3:26 am

My davening is awful. I mumble everything, I can't focus, I can't remember sometimes if I said something so I'll say a paragraph over and over. Sometimes I totally lose my train of thought in shemoneh esrei and I have no idea where I just was.

And when things are really bad, my tefilah is even worse.

My point is this. I asked my husband how his davening is now that he davens at home, and he said it's awful. He has a lot more kavanah in shul. And I said, "me too!" And he said, "Oh, well, your makom is at home, so you should daven at home. But my makom is shul."

I think I'm onto something. I'm thinking that if women would daven in a shul, our davening would be a ton better. Or, to be personal, MY tefilah would be a ton better. And didn't Rebbitzen Kanievsky daven with a minyan? https://www.judaicapress.com/p.....-dawn

amother

Chartreuse

Wed, Apr 29 2020, 3:59 am

I agree that there's definitely something to davening with a community! It's so hard to focus at home. I try to do my davening in a quiet room at home but of course unless I'm the only one awake it's difficult to truly focus and not be worrying about what shenanigans are happening or who needs what, etc. Sometimes I have to just stop, take a deep breath to get my focus back and really concentrate on the words I'm saying and what they mean instead of it just being a habit. I try to really focus on why I'm davening and some days, some moments, some prayers are more focused than others but oh well. All we can do is try our best.

Goldie613

Wed, Apr 29 2020, 5:14 am

If it helps you, there are some online groups that are having davening in a group, as in they meet at a certain time on zoom to daven together. I doubt it would count for minyan purposes, but it might work for kavana issues.

I haven't used these personally, but here's a link for you - I'm sure there are other groups out there as well =

https://newyork.ncsy.org/virtual-schedule/

amother

Navy

Wed, Apr 29 2020, 5:59 am

Of course!
I barely ever pray at home, aside for a "Thank you God for another day, please let it be a great one". If I ever want to pray traditional prayers from a siddur, I make sure to go to shul. This usually happens on Rosh Hashana & Yom Kippur, when I swap turns babysitting my neighbor's kids so we both go for some prayers.
I do attempt to go on other holidays, but I know I have about 25 minutes before the kids get antsy and I have to head home.
My job is raising His kids now, with a love for Him.

PinkFridge

Wed, Apr 29 2020, 9:29 am

I enjoy davening in shul on Shabbos. If I had an option, if other women did it too, I'd love to go to shul during the week sometime - hear kaddish, say Modim d'rabbanan, etc.
And if you would have told me 20 years ago that I'd be writing these words I'd have laughed in your face. I'm at a different place now. But because I daven at home most of the time, I don't have major issues with davening at home all the time now.
It's hard for the men, but OTOH, men who have to get to work sometimes find that the minyanim are way too fast and are enjoying being able to daven at their own pace.

zaq

Wed, Apr 29 2020, 10:46 am

Everyone's different. Some are inspired by an impressively ornate sanctuary, an operatic chazzan, or the power of hundreds of voices lifted in harmonious song. Others are just distracted by these things, annoyed by neighboring worshippers' irritating mannerisms, distressed by the need to ""keep up with the flow of traffic," and pained by hundreds of voices lifted in unsynchronized, off-key, cacophonous song. For them, simple tefillah in serene isolation affords them the opportunity to reflect on the words and feel a connection that they cannot achieve in the comparative hullaballoo of a shul.

During the pandemic, we don't have the option of tefillah betzibbur, though there are 'virtual' minyanim you can join if you feel the need.

thunderstorm

Wed, Apr 29 2020, 10:52 am

For me Davening is easier at home. The reason is , because I need to daven out loud and hear myself. I sing all the parts that I know a tune for. (Aside for Shemona Esrei). In shul I can’t sing out loud or even say the words out loud. At home I could.
This past Shabbos I sang Hallel out loud even though my DH and kids were around. When I daven out loud I feel so connected to my tefillos that I don’t even notice anyone else around me.
For me I need to put extra focus on Shemona Esrei because it’s not out loud.

If you are comfortable with it, maybe you can daven out loud and see if it makes a difference for you.