Im guessing im just venting

amother

Thu, Apr 30 2020, 12:40 am

My teens are taking big time advantage from Not having yashiva, going to sleep 100 aclock . Yet the going to sleep late is 1 thing but talking on the phone untill deep in the night is driving me crazy! Its not only being late on the phone , he loves talking outside the house . Believe it or not , I can catch him 2:00 midnight talking on the street . I dont wanna go too agressive with him since I dont want him to start doing worse things . Im just waiting for a neighbor to approach us and complain so maybe my ds would take this more seriously. He is a good kid in other areas but this really is not making me happy.
When we talk to him he only responds that these are teen boys and we should get used to this style. During yeshiva he was in bed frankly on time. this covid-19 messed up a lot , I just hope and pray . Pray that our/anyones boys stay erlich and do things that we want from them. Im trying not to be to restricted, im happy where they are in life right now , like he likes to watch on utube ball games , I dont deprive him from this since its still aint seeing bad stuff... but talking outside late is really getting to me, I dont think its being respectable to the neighbors around . Vent vent vent!!!

momX4

Thu, Apr 30 2020, 1:07 am

Was he in yeshiva before all this happened? Are they having a learning schedule now?

Regarding talking outside at night, this is something I have been teaching my kids since they were young. Be quiet outside at night because people are sleeping. Way to many nights my kids have been woken up by loud neighbors.

My teens are also going to sleep late. Class starts at 10 and they are ready ontime, so I dont say anything. They play games on their devices/computers.

tigerwife

Thu, Apr 30 2020, 1:11 am

Does he have a private space in your house where he can talk without anyone overhearing? Maybe he’s outside because it feels more private than having Mom and Dad at the keyhole listening in.

I’m sorry it’s annoying but... I think it’s just something teens do. I remember being on the phone until 5am... hanging out with friends in middle of the night... no nefarious activities, just DMCs and silliness. Do you trust him?

amother

Thu, Apr 30 2020, 1:22 am

They do learn actually intensely during the day, thay make up time for everything. Trying to learn half a day and using out they're energy with their talents. So back to the phone business at night. My dh did confront him that he is talking too loud on the phone and that takes away half if his sleep so im figuring thats why he does what he does . We do have a downstairs where he can have his privacy and yet somehow he is choosing the street . We mentioned to him many times not too, what more can ido?

FranticFrummie

Thu, Apr 30 2020, 6:06 am

Good for you for being concerned about the neighbors, and for walking a fine line with your child at the same time. You sound like a very caring and intelligent mom!

I don't know how you would enforce the "no going outside late at night" rule. It seems to be a universal thing. The vast majority of teens seem to be wired to be night owls, and to be intensely social as well.

When I lived in Nahariya, every motzei Shabbos I had boys and girls mixing under my bedroom window until 2 or 3 am, smoking and listening to music. It drove me crazy! If I yelled at them they would disperse, but they'd be back in another couple of weeks.

I have friends who actually sold their house and moved, because someone put in a new pizza store across the street from the house. They never got any sleep, and all kinds of stuff was going on.

Teens definitely need some kind of safe space to gather, and SD makes it really hard. There are no youth clubs, no kosher hang-outs, no after school sports.

Maybe if you talked to the neighbors, you could get some of them to go over and complain to the boys to keep it down. The boys might listen to someone else, besides mom. (Get the neighbors to send over their husbands. Boys don't usually have a lot of respect for women.)