SOOOOOO TRIGGERED FROM MY KIDS

amother

Babyblue

Wed, May 06 2020, 1:40 pm

Wait so am I crazy?

If my kids get wild, hyper, silly and loud I intervene and tell them to stop.

amother

Forestgreen

Wed, May 06 2020, 1:41 pm

I also have this, like you said, it just triggers something, I'm not sure what, but I know when they get wild, it's only a matter of minutes before all h-ll breaks loose and I"ll have to deal with it. It's also the noise of them bashing things around and screaming and laughing, I can't take it, like a sensory overload thing...

amother

Wed, May 06 2020, 1:42 pm

ohmygoodness I am feeling soooo validated now.

giselle

Wed, May 06 2020, 1:44 pm

OP, is this something you often feel under normal circumstances, or is it now after weeks of being stuck inside with no school? If it’s the latter, it is so normal to feel overwhelmed or to overreact. It’s really getting to everyone at this point.

Can you set them up with a movie and take some me time for yourself? I think that’s very important and will go a long way towards helping you be a calmer mother.

amother

Wed, May 06 2020, 1:44 pm

I can't even remember what type of mother I was before this!

amother

Wed, May 06 2020, 2:16 pm

What are practical grounding / destressing strategies in the moment? I need to retrain myself so that the wild sound doesn't trigger me. Like reprogram how my mind reacts to those sounds.

amother

Burlywood

Wed, May 06 2020, 2:24 pm

Wait did I write the original post? Exactly my feelings. My ears physically hurt sometimes. I’m an introvert too. The only thing that keeps me sane is locking myself into my room a few times a day for downtime. Oh and lotsa chocolate!

amother

Lime

Wed, May 06 2020, 4:02 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

I find that certain sounds from my kids are SOOO INSANELY TRIGGERING TO ME even if they’re not inherently bad behavior. Specifically the sound of them laughing wildly / hyper and being overly silly and wild - my blood pressure is SKYROCKETING and I wish I could literally slap each one across the face hard and just make them shut up - don’t worry I’m not in the same room as them now and anyway I don’t potch. Also the sound of them fighting - like those dumb yes huh nuh uh conversations - I’m serious my stress levels are through the roof from these sounds - how do you train yourself to stay calm. Just to give you a picture I am crying now in my bed because of the stress of listening to them being wild. The sound itself makes me SOOOOO MAD it is like listening to fingernails on the chalkboard or someone chewing loudly I cannot take it please please PLEASE HELP ME

Not being able to listen to fighting is understandable. Not being able to hear their laughter is a problem. Would you rather they cry?

amother

Burlywood

Wed, May 06 2020, 4:21 pm

amother [ Lime ] wrote:

Not being able to listen to fighting is understandable. Not being able to hear their laughter is a problem. Would you rather they cry?

You obviously can’t relate. Good for you! At least those of us that can are feeling validated.

amother

Burlywood

Wed, May 06 2020, 4:23 pm

amother [ Lime ] wrote:

Not being able to listen to fighting is understandable. Not being able to hear their laughter is a problem. Would you rather they cry?

Once the ears and mind feel sensory overload it don’t matter anymore whether it’s crying or hyper laughing or even regular talking! Some people just can’t handle nonstop noise from kids without a break. For 7 weeks straight!

amother

Forestgreen

Wed, May 06 2020, 4:33 pm

amother [ Lime ] wrote:

Not being able to listen to fighting is understandable. Not being able to hear their laughter is a problem. Would you rather they cry?

It's a specific laugh that's the issue, it's the "we're in a really crazy mood and it might sound like we're having fun but we're about to gouge each other's eyeballs out" kind of laugh

avrahamama

Wed, May 06 2020, 4:47 pm

amother [ Forestgreen ] wrote:

It's a specific laugh that's the issue, it's the "we're in a really crazy mood and it might sound like we're having fun but we're about to gouge each other's eyeballs out" kind of laugh

LOL do you mean maniacal????

amother

Babyblue

Wed, May 06 2020, 4:59 pm

amother [ Babyblue ] wrote:

Wait so am I crazy?

If my kids get wild, hyper, silly and loud I intervene and tell them to stop.

So apparently I am crazy, if getting 2 hugs is any indication. No one ever heard of stopping them before they hurt each other or break something?

amother

Jade

Wed, May 06 2020, 5:04 pm

It's so good to feel like I'm not the only one who feels like this. I also am getting triggered and wish I could make everyone disappear. But there's nowhere to go. If I let them have rest time, then they're up past midnight and I cant take it! I can cope most of the day (usually) but when it comes to bedtime and they don't go to sleep, my blood starts to boil. There's a specific giggle that heralds their wildness and I can't cope.
So I don't have any advice, only hugs that you're not alone and somehow we will all survive (not sure about the kids though LOL

)

sunflower_seed

Wed, May 06 2020, 5:08 pm

Amother babyblue, of course you´re not crazy.
The op meant that at some point a mother just can´t, can´t, can´t think or act rationally, everything is too much, sensory overload, you name it...

Of course it makes sense to separate them and give them things to do but obviously that´s when you can still think straight. So I think it´s important to physically remove herself to regain clarity.

bigsis144

Wed, May 06 2020, 5:34 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

What are practical grounding / destressing strategies in the moment? I need to retrain myself so that the wild sound doesn't trigger me. Like reprogram how my mind reacts to those sounds.

I haven’t been able to “reprogram” myself, but I have been able to work on grounding myself so I don’t fly off the handle *in the moment*. It still bothers me, but I’m at least in control of my reactions.

If anything, rather than pushing my instinctive reaction away, I close my eyes and try to tune into my physical state and label my physical reactions.

For example:

My heart is thumping so hard.
I can feel it in my skull... at the front of my face, between my eyes... my ears feel almost blocked, like I’m in an airplane.
They just yelled again in the other room and I felt myself flinch.
(My mind is racing too... I feel so annoyed! G-d, I just wanna smack someone!! Wait, go back to physical reactions, not emotional ones.)
My hands feel twitchy and restless. When I try to clench a fist, I’m too stressed to keep it that way.
My chest hurts. (putting hand on my chest) I can take deep breaths, but my heart is racing.
I’m gonna breathe again. I feel the weight on my hand on my chest. I feel it going up and down as I breathe.
My shoulders are hunched. (Deep breath, straighten up). How do my shoulders feel now?... They don’t feel as tense. I feel like rolling my head to release tension in my neck. Okay, I’ll do that. That felt good.
I feel my feet inside my shoes. (When was the last time I got to sit down?) I’m wiggling my toes now, feeling my weight mostly in my heels.

Etc.

Don’t judge your feelings, just feel them.

After a few minutes of this (I don’t always do that whole body check up!) I find that even if my outside circumstances haven’t changed, at least my internal state of being will allow me to deal with those circumstances like a sane adult instead of matching my kids’ manic energy.

I’m so so far from perfect at this, but I know that I won’t make good chinuch decisions when I’m in a triggered state of mind. I don’t have to come out of this exercise knowing what the best course of action is, how to control my kids, etc., but at least I’m not like a shaken snow globe with thoughts swirling around in a blinding haze around me.

Hug

amother

Papaya

Wed, May 06 2020, 8:00 pm

I second the earplugs. It's a savior.

luckymom1

Wed, May 06 2020, 8:16 pm

It may be helpful to turn inward and see what it is exactly that bothers you. Watch your thoughts as you're blood pressure is rising. Is it coming from annoyance that they think everything is just a big joke while you are overworked and need calm and peace? What thoughts run through your mind?
Also, How was such behavior addressed in your upbringing? Did your parents shut you down when you acted this way? Were you allowed to act silly?

amother

Wed, May 06 2020, 8:56 pm

BigSis that is very helpful.
I don’t recall ever acting like this when I was a kid btw

silverlining3

Wed, May 06 2020, 9:09 pm

Wow wow wow I feel unbelievably validated now! That annoying nerve-wracking giggling and fighting over every silly thing.............WOOF!!!! Banging head

I can't believe so many moms are in the same boat as I am. Can we sail to someplace? Leave the kids behind for abit?!
Hoping for a better day tomorrow