Siblings of ASD Child

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Forum -> Parenting our children -> Our Challenging Children (gifted, ADHD, sensitive, defiant)

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amother

Thu, May 07 2020, 1:26 pm

Have you told the siblings of your ASD child that he has ASD? (The siblings are pre-teen age.)

I feel like they'd be extra sensitive to certain needs if they knew there was a name to his behavior, and not just that he's different.

Thanks!

zoom

Thu, May 07 2020, 1:37 pm

I def would!
my child is waiting for a diagnosis but is very possibly on the autism spectrum.
I would definitely tell his siblings.
his behaviour is very hard to deal with.
what do you tell your kids now about that child?
how do they deal with the behaviour?

amother

Thu, May 07 2020, 1:55 pm

They know he's different. I want to make sure that labeling it for my other kids is OK.

zoom

Thu, May 07 2020, 1:58 pm

good point.
maybe you dont need to say a name.
does the child take medication?
at the moment I jsut say "this child is different has some diff needs, may need medication one day and explain that the things he does are not davka"
you dont have to say the name if you dont want to, just say drs seen him and he has some issues/difficulties etc.
I need a nice way of saying that, I struggle to describe my child to people when its important.

amother

Thu, May 07 2020, 2:10 pm

We decided to tell people what he has instead of hiding it and having them think he's off.

imasinger

Thu, May 07 2020, 2:36 pm

Does the kid with the diagnosis know?

imorethanamother

Thu, May 07 2020, 3:08 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

This very much depends. I would avoid labeling if you can help it. I’ve seen for myself that when you tell other people they stop treating them normally, which doesn’t help the situation if you really want socialization to help.

amother

Thu, May 07 2020, 3:12 pm

I saw the way people responded to him before the diagnosis and the way people respond to him now with the diagnosis. I find them not to be so judgy. I saw the way people spoke to him/looked at him before. They are way more compassionate.

zoom

Thu, May 07 2020, 3:22 pm

does anyone know, before the diagnosis, what is a nice but true way of describing my child to someone? when its important. eg going to new playgroup/babysitter/friend etc
doesnt sound nice to say he has issues etc but not sure what else to say.

flowerpower

Thu, May 07 2020, 3:24 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

They know he's different. I want to make sure that labeling it for my other kids is OK.

Of course it’s fine so tell the siblings. A name can be helpful

amother

Coffee

Thu, May 07 2020, 3:27 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

I see the same, mostly Teachers in school are more accomadating.

imorethanamother

Thu, May 07 2020, 3:31 pm

amother [ Coffee ] wrote:

I see the same, mostly Teachers in school are more accomadating.

Again, it depends. For next it looks like the teachers gave up.

amother

Ecru

Thu, May 07 2020, 4:05 pm

zoom wrote:

Personally I like to follow the behaviour route-you talk about the symptoms rather than a specific label. like, I just want to make you aware of how 'Moishy' will react to x. He finds it hard to regulate himself. When x happens, he likes to be...(insert coping strategm-sucks his pacifier, wants his blanket etc).

Try talking about the behaviours/reactions they will see, and what he likes. Warn them-like 'Moishy prefers not to be hugged'. Make sure wherever you're sending him is understanding and has dealt with children with needs before. You want someone who will be supportive and will respond to him and not just say load of nonsense etc.
If you want you can even be honest and say he displays some autistic tendencies/behaviours.

amother

Thu, May 07 2020, 4:47 pm

I'm not worried about schools. We are switching him to a special ed school setting. I'm debating telling his siblings what he has. I just feel like a label will give them that extra push to be nice to him. They are, but I wouldn't mind them being a bit more.

Kiwi13

Thu, May 07 2020, 7:19 pm

My kids are very close in age and all very young, but I think they know something is different with their sibling with ASD. My oldest has probably heard us say the word "autism" when speaking with professionals at several points, but I don't know if he knows or cares what it means. He's actually very protective of his little brother, and when I redirect him, he's quick to tell me, "Mommy, he doesn't understand." I tell my kids everyone learns things at different times and he (child with ASD) is still learning how to listen and do basic things. That's how I explain why he doesn't get in trouble for the same things that they do, since they know better and he doesn't. They're understanding and loving toward him. OP, your kids are older, so I don't know how those dynamics work, but my feeling is that mothers know their children best. If you think they'll be sensitive to him when they find out the diagnosis, by all means tell them. They might already know by overhearing conversations. I imagine it would be very hard for them to be preteens and NOT know, and it might even give them an opening to be "allowed to know" and ask you questions to better understand.

amother

Thu, May 07 2020, 8:28 pm

Right. I try to refer to it as ASD, but have used the term Autism while on the phone (so the older ones might have heard me).

Thanks for your responses!

amother

Forestgreen

Thu, May 07 2020, 8:44 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Right. I try to refer to it as ASD, but have used the term Autism while on the phone (so the older ones might have heard me).

Thanks for your responses!

I would tell them. The more open and straightforward you are, I believe helps kids get an understanding of situation and a certain closure.
I’ve been one both sides of the coin- as a sibling to a kid on the spectrum but no real diagnosis and now to a mom of a sn child.
Growing up, things would’ve been so much easier knowing oh, she has autism so she does xyz.

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