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Forum -> Parenting our children -> Our Challenging Children (gifted, ADHD, sensitive, defiant)
Im fuming and heated up



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amother
OP


 

Post Thu, May 07 2020, 5:26 pm
Dh is around a lot with this covid 19 situation, and he keeps finding everyone's faults. his agression is lately out of hand .

Example: last week my dh surprised me and set the shabbos table which yeah, is very nice of him for doing it. Yet my ds was on the phone with a friend while he was eating his potato kugal , dh got very upset that he sat down where table was set and ran towards him , "just like when u watch an ambulance running to save someone's life" im not exaggerating, I was in my kitchen seeing how my dh ran towards the dining room, I literally thought something happened , I really got scared. He grabbed his plate and disconnected the phone. Dh mentioned that it was after telling my ds one time before.( he is a adhd child).... now im sure smart ppl out their can think of a more calmer different approach then this .

Another example: today I made something special for dinner , my ds took a 2nd plate from fridge , actually this time it came out the exact amount for everyone , 1 son was out so his plate was left in the fridge but my son had not realized that I made just the exact amount so he took that 2nd plate . My dh saw . He got so heated , ran to my son with such anger pulling out the plate from his hands , half of the liquid from the plate even spilled on the floor. Im not saying ds is right for doing what he does and he should be considered and make sure he can take another .( He is adhd and I think hos brain works differently) shouldnt a father be more mature and know how to handle in a calm way?! Im very sensitive in these things , and I did mention to my dh that I find him be weak in that area , and I think if he approaches my kids in a much calmer way , he leaves room for them to respect him and learn for next time. if he will always jump into aggressive mode and with anger I don't think my kids will take out any lesson. Im so hurt that my dh does this. He thinks thats the way. to yell, scream, grab out stuff from hands, which he did before how he he pulled out the plate from my son. And actually he is a big teen , its even an embarrassment in front of others to have his plate pulled away while eating . I think its not ok from dh for handling it the way he did . I can understand he had in mind that others should have too, but their are 100 if not 1,000 ect. Of nicer ways . Dh does not learn . It hurts me terrible !
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amother
Pewter


 

Post Thu, May 07 2020, 5:33 pm
Has DH ever been evaluated for ADHD? It is genetic and your son has it and one of the issues with those who have it is low frustration tolerance . My husband has it and he has a short fuse as well .
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amother
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Post Thu, May 07 2020, 5:51 pm
amother [ Pewter ] wrote:
Has DH ever been evaluated for ADHD? It is genetic and your son has it and one of the issues with those who have it is low frustration tolerance . My husband has it and he has a short fuse as well .
I was going to say the exact same thing. Sounds like your dh may have the adult version of adhd, and having a very hard time controlling his impulses and his reactions to supposed infractions. We are struggling in a similar way and it's extremely hard for me to watch. I make an extreme effort for our house to be a calm, forgiving one, where respect goes in both directions, and dh keeps having these knee jerk over the top reactions. He's always like this, but being around all day just gives it a lot more opportunity to show up. It puts me in a very tough spot. I don't have any tips yet, but if there is some way you can get your dh to therapy it might help him a lot.
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