What to do with stuff grown children leave in your house?

Ora in town

Fri, May 08 2020, 7:27 am

How do you deal with the fact that grown children who moved out tend to leave their clutter at mom's house?

Last edited by Ora in town on Fri, May 08 2020, 8:43 am; edited 1 time in total

amother

Fuchsia

Fri, May 08 2020, 7:37 am

I'm the grown kid Wink

. I would tell them to come go through their stuff, take what they want, throw out the rest. my mother lets my grown sister keep her stuff there because my sister lives in a studio apartment and my mother lives in a large apartment. my sister's stuff isn't what is cluttering up the house but don't know that I would be as nice...

you might want to have a cutoff age- until x age which be 20, 25... even 30 if you are feeling generous but I don't think it should be lifelong.

amother

Copper

Fri, May 08 2020, 7:38 am

My daughters room is just like she left it when she moved out years ago she gets mad when I store things I’m her room our garage is filled with items from when they moved out of apts my sons room
Has her camping items it’s a mess

singleagain

Fri, May 08 2020, 8:01 am

I think it depends on the situation is the grown kids.

Living in their own place, they really shouldn't store things at parents. Maybe up to a year or so to move everything they want. Depending on size of their living place and size of parents.

If parents have a house and they have a studio apartment and are planning to get a bigger place, and it's not in the way of parents, then it's nice to let them store things with you instead of renting a unit.

If kid is in a temporary living space, ex with roommates. And folks have space, I think it's ok till a year after they move out on their own.

Also depends what they are storing. Bother my brothers just have "shelf/wall items" at home. Like it's not a lot. My sister has tons of makeup and stuff she left, but she's also given permission to toss.

I think the main thing, is having an end date. And a plan for when the storage ends.

amother

Lime

Fri, May 08 2020, 8:07 am

Hi Ima

I know my stuff is in my old bedroom at your house.
A lot of it has sentimental value. And there's stuff I might need one day.
By rights you should just tell me that if it's not out in 6 months you're tossing it. But I appreciate that you're not doing that.

Iymnok

Fri, May 08 2020, 8:19 am

When we went away for high school, my mother gave us a large storage box to put anything we deemed to be of value inside. They don’t have many bedrooms, so the space was needed. I think those boxes have finally been emptied. The youngest is nearly 30.

amother

Olive

Fri, May 08 2020, 8:34 am

So I am a youngest. My older siblings got married, some moved to Israel, and left tons of stuff in my parents house. For years after they had left drawers, shelves and closets remained full of their stuff. Eventually, I was the one who threw most of it out. Whatever I did not get rid of is still sitting there. I think it is obnoxious. If it is not important enough to you to clutter up your house with, don't leave it to clutter up your parents house. And as out parents age, it is difficult/impossible for them to take care of on their own. After 120 do you really want to be throwing out your tube socks from 1988? (Yes, I literally threw out a drawer full of my brother's socks about 15 years after he got married. Like, really?)

amother

Wine

Fri, May 08 2020, 9:02 am

My parents let us "kids" leave some belongings in storage in the attic of their large house while we were young adults living in small apartments. After a couple of years they told us to please take whatever we wanted and make arrangements to give away/discard the rest. It was helpful to have that transitional time but also ok to be given a time limit. Now that I am approaching that stage of life, I think I will do it the same way.

amother

Babypink

Fri, May 08 2020, 9:48 am

Currently going through the few boxes (5-7) I left at my parent's house. I've been married for almost 3 years and now that I'm stuck at home because of coronavirus, might as well!

My sister recently bought her first house, and she's been married for almost 6 years. My parents recently dropped off a few boxes of hers (mainly awards and other framed items). I think it bothered her a little (my parents weren't communicative about not wanting the boxes in their house and it was a little passive aggressive) but she understood.

As for my in-laws-- one of my SILs has her childhood room more or less fully intact. It has stuffed animals, decorations, a closet and drawer full of clothing, a huge telescope, books, photos, etc etc. She lives in a different state and has had her own apartment for many years now. I think my in-laws will wait until she's married to ask her to take her things-- she's the only one unmarried, though she is engaged.

amother

Aubergine

Fri, May 08 2020, 11:09 am

if you have space they can leave it for a while until they get situated, then they can take what they want with the understanding that the rest can be given away or otherwise disposed of. Depends upon the particulars.

amother

Papaya

Fri, May 08 2020, 1:41 pm

I voted no because my kids don't have any clutter left in my house, so it doesn't bother me! For the ones who moved not far away, shortly after the wedding we packed up whatever they hadn't taken and delivered it to them. For whoever moved far away, I packed up their excess stuff in small bundles and every time somebody visited I gave them a couple of bundles. It took a few years but eventually almost all their stuff was out. All we have left is a few things for the ones who come often for shabbos. Some things are a big convenience for them to keep here, esp. once they start shlepping babies and baby paraphernalia. Shabbos hats and acne medicine, sure; seforim and sports equipment, not so much.

thunderstorm

Fri, May 08 2020, 1:49 pm

Please tell your grown child when you need it out by so that they have time to take care of it.
When my mother moved , she didn’t want to take all my scrapbooks that I had stored in her house. (Which she was ok with it, until she downsized to a new place ) One day before she moved , she went and ripped out all the photos and threw away my scrapbooks without asking me first . Those scrapbooks held mementos and keepsakes as well as journaling too. When I heard about what she did I literally started crying. It felt like she took all my sentimental moments of my teenage years and tossed them in the trash.

Fox

Fri, May 08 2020, 1:55 pm

Lol! My DDs found some warehouse shelving second-hand and turned one of their rooms into a virtual storage facility. They swap out seasonal clothes and shoes; baby stuff; and who knows what. I don't even go in lest I be traumatized.

The other day, one of them brought over her baby, whom we hadn't seen since Purim, and held him at a socially-distant position while her husband made 3 or 4 trips upstairs with boxes. As if we wouldn't notice!

But I figure it's a small price to pay to have them living nearby and coming over regularly!

happy chick

Fri, May 08 2020, 2:01 pm

I'm the child whose room still looks like she's living there.
My mother mentions it every now and then, but doesn't really big me. She Sue's the room for guests and doesn't mind. It's not a mess. I used to live in a small apartment, so she was more understanding. We are now in a bigger apt, but still no storage space .
My mil, on the other hand, is tossing dh's stuff little by little. She throws out his good stuff and stores his junk in the garage.
Married 10+ years, bh.