What to do with stuff grown children leave in your house?
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Does it irk you that grown children leave their clutter in your house/condo and don't clean out properly?
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Total Votes : 28



Post  Fri, May 08 2020, 2:31 pm
Oops. I've been in a house for 5 years now... my childhood bedroom still has a lot of stuff and I have a few other things in my parents' basement that I probably don't need. The last few times I was there I did get rid of a lot of boxes of things. This thread is a good reminder to get over there again and dump the rest once the social distancing is over Smile. My mother has bugged me about it on occasion, but she never gave me a deadline. It's hard because some is sentimental, and even though I have a house, my husband doesn't want it here and I don't have a lot of storage space, since our house is a lot smaller than my parents' house. So it's probably time to donate/dump most of it. My in-laws take a different tactic--they bring random stuff over that my husband left there every time they visit. And when I can, I make it disappear Smile.
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Post  Fri, May 08 2020, 3:10 pm
amother [ Navy ] wrote:
My in-laws take a different tactic--they bring random stuff over that my husband left there every time they visit. .

I'm not navy's mil--as I said, almost all my dc stuff is out-- but I'm Rolling Laughter because I thought I was the only "mean mom" out there. Great minds think alike.
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Post  Fri, May 08 2020, 3:52 pm
amother [ Copper ] wrote:
My daughters room is just like she left it when she moved out years ago she gets mad when I store things I’m her room our garage is filled with items from when they moved out of apts my sons room
Has her camping items it’s a mess

It's your house, not hers, and it's not "her' room anymore. She has no rights to any part of it unless and until you leave it to her in your will. Give her an ultimatum: come get your chazzerai by (date) or Goodwill gets it. If she doesn't want it enough to take it to her house, she doesn't want it.
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Post  Fri, May 08 2020, 3:53 pm
chocolate moose wrote:
At some point, we paid for a mover.
you mean to deliver your kids' stuff to them, or to move you out of your old house to a new one and leave your kids' stuff behind?
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Post  Fri, May 08 2020, 3:56 pm
thunderstorm wrote:
Please tell your grown child when you need it out by so that they have time to take care of it.
When my mother moved , she didn’t want to take all my scrapbooks that I had stored in her house. (Which she was ok with it, until she downsized to a new place ) One day before she moved , she went and ripped out all the photos and threw away my scrapbooks without asking me first . Those scrapbooks held mementos and keepsakes as well as journaling too. When I heard about what she did I literally started crying. It felt like she took all my sentimental moments of my teenage years and tossed them in the trash.

That's sad, and yes, she should have asked, but...if they meant so much to you, why didn't you take them with you when you married? leaving stuff behind rather gives the impression that you don't want it. parents are under no obligation to serve as U-Stor-It stations for their children.
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Post  Fri, May 08 2020, 4:01 pm
zaq wrote:
That's sad, and yes, she should have asked, but...if they meant so much to you, why didn't you take them with you when you married? leaving stuff behind rather gives the impression that you don't want it. parents are under no obligation to serve as U-Stor-It stations for their children.

We didn’t have space in our tiny basement apartment. We weren’t given any storage. My mother lived alone in a house with two floors and a basement.
My mother in law also allowed us to store our things by her for years until we moved to a larger space.
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Post  Fri, May 08 2020, 4:32 pm
My mother informed me she was cleaning up, and I needed to come get al my stuff by x date. Unfortunately, none of my siblings cleaned out their rooms, so I’m the only one that has no space in her house. I don’t have kids out of the house yet, so I guess I don’t know how I would feel about that.
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Post  Fri, May 08 2020, 4:41 pm
My mom went thru our rooms with us yearly and kids and teens. So no teenager in house has childhood sentiments anyway (think crafts? stuffed animals.. ) when we got married we were expected to take all of our belongings with us to our new apt/home. I remember by mom dropping off anything I forgot (like my yearbooks) she didnt want ANYTHING left behind. I had one sibling who went to Israel it irked her for 4 years to have her things in the house in boxes and when she came back my mom literally threw them at her.
To say my inlaws are the opposite is a slight under exaggeration. Their house is so scary crowded because they wont get rid of their childrens things they are hoarders. Im scared to think of the day it becomes the children and children in laws job to clean out that place Surprised
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Post  Sun, May 10 2020, 2:04 am
One Chanukah in a game my husband got back his latchwork pillow he started working on as a 10 yr old child, as a gift.
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Post  Sun, May 10 2020, 2:53 am
All of my things were out of my parents house within a week or two after marriage. I think they found a few machzorim and chumashim years later and gave it to me then, so that's an exception.
But I'm not the sentimental type, so there was never much there.
I think my parents still have my brother's seforim from his bar mitzvah! He's married for almost 20 years. I think we should start gifting them to his boys at their bar mitzvahs...
The only things I plan to keep for my kids are things they'll want to use when they come back to visit, or if it can be toys for their kids. I'm a bit of a no-clutter freak.
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Post  Sun, May 10 2020, 3:35 am
I moved out of my parents when I was 25, unmarried. Over the years I had different amounts of space in my various apartments but I never had too much stuff stored at my parents and definitely not in my childhood bedroom. That was cleared out right away.
When I made aliyah my mother made me throw out or take every single item of mine.

My brother bought a house within 2 years of getting married and my mom made him clear out everything at that point.
Theres no reason parents should enable their children to leave stuff indefinitely. if its important to you, take it with you. And if it's not, then toss it.
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Post  Sun, May 10 2020, 4:12 am
My husband and I still have a lot of stuff in our parents house.
We are in Israel so lots of homegoods and seforim are still left.

Both our parents have moved houses at one point so we each went through our stuff and got rid of all the junk and papers and packed up the stuff.(actually my mother packed up all my stuff and then I went through it later on because I wasn't home in between the move).

We are very grateful they let us keep the stuff. We would probably have to get a storage unit otherwise.

They both have significant amounts of extra room so its really not in the way
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hi dear


Post  Fri, May 15 2020, 2:50 am
I would suggest you to ask your grown ups to come and sort there stuff...to see what they need and what you can throw out
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Post  Fri, May 15 2020, 3:10 am
amother [ Olive ] wrote:
So I am a youngest. My older siblings got married, some moved to Israel, and left tons of stuff in my parents house. For years after they had left drawers, shelves and closets remained full of their stuff. Eventually, I was the one who threw most of it out. Whatever I did not get rid of is still sitting there. I think it is obnoxious. If it is not important enough to you to clutter up your house with, don't leave it to clutter up your parents house. And as out parents age, it is difficult/impossible for them to take care of on their own. After 120 do you really want to be throwing out your tube socks from 1988? (Yes, I literally threw out a drawer full of my brother's socks about 15 years after he got married. Like, really?)

I was in the same position and resented it a lot. It is plain not nice to make other people go through your stuff and box up the important things and deliver it to you, and dispose of the rest. Besides that it kept closets and dressers out of commission because they were full of their outdated wardrobes.
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Post  Fri, May 15 2020, 3:05 pm
amother [ Brunette ] wrote:
It is plain not nice to make other people go through your stuff and box up the important things and deliver it to you, and dispose of the rest. .

Which is why those of us whose children are out of the house should periodically go through and purge our own stuff. Bad enough to be mourning the loss of loved ones without the added burden of having to clear out their shmattes. This goes triple if your children live far away and would be forced to take time off from work and travel to your home to do this. The less work you leave for your dc to do when you're gone, the better.

OTOH if they were so thoughtless as to leave their own shmattes cluttering up your house for years after they left home...maybe they deserve having to go through yours when you're gone.
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Post  Fri, May 15 2020, 3:45 pm
My mother put everything aside for me right after we got married to take or toss
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Post  Fri, May 15 2020, 5:58 pm
teachkids wrote:
We’re allowed to leave boxes in a corner of our former room until we buy a house. At that point it needs to be taken or tossed.

This is my parents rule also, makes total sense to me.
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Post  Fri, May 15 2020, 7:40 pm
my mothers house isn't that bad (I have a box of baby items in the guest room closet, otherwise none of us really have stuff there) but my grandmothers house- wow - literally the rooms are untouched, I remember opening a drawer and finding the retainer case of my aunt who now has 10 kids!
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Post  Sat, May 16 2020, 11:15 pm
I'm the oldest and was the first married. My mother made me clean out my room entirely before the wedding because she wanted to redo the room into a guest room. I was allowed one dresser drawer of stuff that I either couldn't take with me or would want to have there when I visited. DH and I first lived in a studio apartment when we got married, so we left behind a lot of our wedding presents (housewares, mostly) in our parents' basements. The day after we moved into a house, my mother showed up with all the boxes we had left behind. To be fair, she did stay to help kasher and organize my kitchen.

Most of my siblings were not forced to purge their belongings before marriage like I was, so they still have posters hanging on the walls and trophies on the shelves and random stuff in closets. I'm actually quite surprised that my parents haven't gotten rid of a lot of it already. Unfortunately our one remaining sibling who still lived at home was recently niftar and that bedroom remains as it was, bed made and all, like a shrine.
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