Dd with a million questions

amother

Sun, May 10 2020, 6:57 pm

In general im a calm, not very reactive person. My dd5 tends to ask alot of questions, stand extremely close to me and touch me while im doing anything shes interested in and sometimes screams in my ear and jumps on me if shes asking for something repeatedly and im distracted. I think its mostly age appropriate as ive seen this behavior with other kids her age. Since quarantine started weve been doing our little schedule of davening and then school hotlines/conferences and then we get in the car and pickup lunches, eat, and then crafts or outdoor play. I started noticing how she literally does not stop asking questions and its driving me absolutely crazy. If another child is talking to me shell just talk louder. I keep reminding her that others need a chance to talk but it goes in one ear and out the other.. today I was driving and trying to follow the gps and she was talking and talking I told her I need to pay attention to the road so she stands up and starts screaming into my ear. Random questions about being jewish. I felt myself starting to get mad- which takes a lot for that to happen. So we got home I sat down on the front steps and told her to ride for a few mins so I can calm down and have a few mins of quiet before coming in but instead she drove circles around me and asked another 100 or so questions. I feel myself beginning to lose it. And I feel terrible I know she can be gaining a world of knowledge if I had the head space to deal with all her questions..

Ora in town

Sun, May 10 2020, 7:04 pm

Looks like she escalates it the more you try to stop it...
Ask questions back...
Give fantasy answers...
and laugh together...

Some children,especially intelligent ones, (with good language development) discover around this age that asking a question is like pushing a button on a tape recorder: you will hear a story...
So they are not always really interested in the answer, but just in the fact that they ask-you talk...
they will barely listen to the answer and just as "why?" again...

So the easiest reply is: I don't know - whydo you think?
Or just something obviously wrong...
or just "because"
Or just to bombard her back, the way she does it...

"Please stop asking questions" might just not do the trick...

FranticFrummie

Sun, May 10 2020, 7:18 pm

I just went today to babysit a 4 years old girl who does this non stop, including touching the face, getting too close, and too loud. She will also tell you "I love you" and give you hugs dozens of times, because she wants positive feedback.

She also has a new baby sister, which set off the whole attention seeking thing.

OP, your DD doesn't really want the answers to 80% of the stuff she's asking. She just wants you to give her your undivided attention at all time, and to nobody else, EVER. It's an unbelievably annoying phase.

When my DD was going through this phase, I'd sometimes answer, and most of the time I would say "What do you think it is? What would you do with it? and find ways to draw her into a conversation that isn't just an inane list of "whats" and "whys" all day long. You'll find that if you can actually get her talking about something, instead of asking, it will be a lot less exhausting for you.

amother

Coffee

Sun, May 10 2020, 7:32 pm

I used to use reverse psychology for this sort of thing. When a kid was all over me and wouldn’t let me have a moment to myself I’d go crazy trying not to lose patience. Until I tried this. “Come here I’m gonna hold you tight and you can’t go. No I’m not letting you go. Stay here” while hugging and giggling. Every time the child would scramble to get away and I would have a minute to myself with nobody touching me. Ahhh. Very Happy

Motherhood

Sun, May 10 2020, 7:46 pm

FranticFrummie wrote:

OP, your DD doesn't really want the answers to 80% of the stuff she's asking. She just wants you to give her your undivided attention at all time, and to nobody else, EVER. It's an unbelievably annoying phase. .

This. But that doesn’t mean she needs to have her undivided attention 100% of the time. My ds is 5 and does the exact same. Sometimes, when I can/ am available, I answer. When I’m busy and I need concentration, I say so clearly and I expect quiet. If the child talks to you then, you tell her that you will not listen to her for the another 3 minutes even after you’re done. She will learn when is a good time to talk and when not.

amother

Azure

Sun, May 10 2020, 7:52 pm

its a challenging time for the parents and for the kids as well

they need a lot of reassurance

no surprise there

try to refill your tank so you can give and give and give -- while also setting reasonable times and limits as you would for any child needing a lot of reassurance for whatever the reason

some things have to wait and it can help to tell her you really want to pay attention and give her full attention so please wait until you can do so and give her the full listening she needs --
can she get involved in like keeping a journal or a picture book or a list of her questions even if she can't really write yet...

there are tools you can help her learn proactively to avoid this more often

hatzlocha

amother

Yellow

Sun, May 10 2020, 7:58 pm

I had a child go thru this at an older age. For her, it was definitely attention related.
We told her to write down all her questions and before bedtime, I put on a timer for 15 minutes and we read all her questions together and I answered them, if I knew the answers or we just talked about what the answer could be. I made sure this was her time every single night, with no distractions, no phone, no one else coming into the room, etc. Within a few days, she had less and less questions and by ten days, she had no questions at all. I did still give her undivided attention every night.
Not sure how this could work with a 5 yr old who doesn't write, but maybe you can modify it somehow. Hope it helps!