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Forum -> Chinuch, Education & Schooling
How to teach 5 yo not to be such a pessimist



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amother
OP


 

Post Wed, May 13 2020, 4:26 pm
I’ve lately realized that no matter what I do and how much fun my child has, he will always complain after it’s all done. He met his friend and played, and then complained that his friend ran ahead and he “hates” him now and never wants to go with him again blah blah blah.....This is just one example. Every time we do something nice and special, the complaints will come as soon as we’re done. I’m not sure if it’s perfectionism, lack of social skills, or just a plain pessimist. Any ideas, pleas? TIA
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amother
Ecru


 

Post Wed, May 13 2020, 4:37 pm
I have a five year old who tends to get easily upset when things don't go her way.
Not exactly the same as what you describe, but in the same family of behaviors.
I've found her quite responsive to the book: "What To Do When You Grumble Too Much" by Dawn Huebner .
It is for age 6 and up, but I find she understands the concepts and actually enjoys reading it.
I only have one issue with it where it labels people as pessimists and optimists, and then asks you to name some you know!! (??), I skip over that bit. Apart from inviting lashon hara, I also don't want her to label herself , better she should learn about it as a concept than to self-identify as a pessimist.
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amother
OP


 

Post Wed, May 13 2020, 4:39 pm
Thanks. Will do. I just ordered some books about turning negative experiences and seeing them in a positive light. He loves when I read him books, so I hope it’ll work!
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amother
Linen


 

Post Wed, May 13 2020, 4:54 pm
Wow I could have written this! We were so excited to go to the parks now that they opened! We packed up our bikes and some snacks and went to the trail with the family but my 5 year old really wore me down with her none stop complaining. It kinda ruined it for me and the family. When we got home she was overtired and just cried and cried and said it was the worse day ever Sad
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raich




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, May 13 2020, 5:43 pm
Maybe you can play a game with him practicing all the different ways you can look at any given experience. You can take turns giving a scenario and then think together about all the different ways you can view it, or all the different emotions a person might have in that scenario. That could help him stretch his viewpoint, become a more flexible thinker, and learn to see scenarios and events not just as negative but that the negative is only one part of it. And then when something happens and he is negative, you can say "hmm, remember our game? I'm wondering if there's another way we can also see this situation?"

Good luck!
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behappy2




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, May 13 2020, 6:11 pm
Whats been helping me with my kid is after he kvetches I ask, "what was something good that happened" he actually perks up. I tell him over and over that if you want to be happy you need to notice the good things. I don't get upset if he kvetches or yell at him for his negativity. I know it's not his fault. Ppl are wired the way they are wired.
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