Feel bad for her, she is trying to do what is right for HER

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Post  Tue, May 26 2020, 10:21 am
This is a vent, I just need to let it out.

Dd is home from seminary listening to Shiurim.
younger sister picks things up and comments on them and ds, MO (and opinionated) doesn't agree with everything of course and the chain continues and he reports it to his OTD father who in turn has a go at dd.

I differentiate between halocho and minhag because of the diversity in our home and dd especially called the Rabbi to discuss the issue.

I know dd is strong and will be ok and this will build on her resilience, but I guess it will not strengthen her relationship with her father....
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Post  Tue, May 26 2020, 10:23 am
Hugs. And please get headphones for your daughter.
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Post  Tue, May 26 2020, 12:13 pm
Family communication dynamics don't seem to the healthiest here.
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Post  Tue, May 26 2020, 12:20 pm
Can you turn this into rational discussions ? As in — DS makes a statement- ok why do you say so? Explain yourself. Now let’s take a look at a source and see if we can dissect, have a respectful debate.
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Post  Tue, May 26 2020, 12:25 pm
I would say that in a situation like this everyone should be careful about respecting each other. It’s not okay to put someone down and try to make someone feel bad. Everyone has to try to get along and be nice. It sounds like your son needs to hear this message the most.
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Post  Tue, May 26 2020, 2:05 pm
trixx wrote:
Family communication dynamics don't seem to the healthiest here.

I would not call it not healthy but rather complex.

For my kids it is from one spectrum to another and they have to find what they feel ok with.

It is very hard because there are a lot of negative experiences (and anger towards the chareidy community) involved which affected some kids more than others and bringing up kids religiously, as a single mother, when parents are not on the same page, it is not a very smooth journey....
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Post  Tue, May 26 2020, 2:50 pm
Have you ever tried to talk to ds and ask him what he thinks the right thing would be if the situation was flipped - imagine he was the one with his MO hashkafos being attacked by both his super charedi brother and father, constantly being put in a position where he would have to defend his beliefs even if he wasn't in the mood of having an intellectual debate.

He probably feels like if she believes something then she should be able to defend it. Try to help him understand what it feels like to be constantly attacked for who you are in your own home.

and btw dd should get headphones - no reason the throw oil on the flame
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