My husband and I feel differently

amother

Wed, May 27 2020, 8:41 am

What would you do? I feel one way about the lock down and things opening up again (we are in Israel)
My husband feels differently.
We keep on getting into arguments about what is correct or what we should or should not do in terms of staying away from crowded places and things like that.

I dont know what to do about this. Its driving a wedge between us a bit.

amother

Periwinkle

Wed, May 27 2020, 8:53 am

I can relate a little. I’m in NY. Dh is in the camp of its over let the kids have play dates etc. I feel like we can relax a little but still need to keep apart. I’m the one home with the kids all day and finding it quite hard. However, I don’t have his support bec he feels I’m bringing it onto myself.

No advice just want to say I feel your pain

ora_43

Wed, May 27 2020, 9:04 am

Can you compromise? Eg if you want to meet a friend at the mall for coffee and he thinks that's not safe, could you maybe meet at an outdoor cafe instead? If he wants to let your kids invite friends over and you're not comfortable with that, could the kids and their friends go to the park together instead?

Basically, trying to achieve the same goals (getting out, seeing friends, seeing family) but in a mostly-safe way.

I'd also suggest 1. only arguing when absolutely necessary, 2. sticking to talking about your own emotions - "I'm nervous about that" instead of "that's not safe," "I really miss my sister, and if I don't see her now I'm afraid it might be a long time" instead of "you're being ridiculous, it's safe, everyone's doing it." And 3. make sure you're doing fun, relaxing things together, too. Like, a ratio of watching at least one funny video together per argument.

Sunny Days

Wed, May 27 2020, 9:11 am

amother [ Periwinkle ] wrote:

Exactly this

HonesttoGod

Wed, May 27 2020, 9:21 am

amother [ Periwinkle ] wrote:

This!!
At the end of the day he always says look the kids are your department right now and any decision you make I’ll support you
Which is nice. Stil makes it hard to make decisions like do we go to family / friends or not.

happy chick

Wed, May 27 2020, 9:44 am

amother [ Periwinkle ] wrote:

Same. Except in my case, DH believes it was rediculous to begin with.
Very hard to have to deal with everything and then not even have support/validation from your closest one Sad

amother

Fuchsia

Wed, May 27 2020, 9:59 am

Me too. Sigh. I can't tell dh that I've had a hard day because of everything, because he'll tell me I've brought it on myself. He gets upset when I order something that I could go to the store and get.

Ora in town

Wed, May 27 2020, 10:17 am

I am also a bit insecure...
I tend to want to keep the rules of the lockdown...
Have a bit of a hard time to adjusting to its end...
Because I feel that now the responsibility is on me...
Before, the whole society contributed to minimise risk...

So I tend to view the new liberties with a bit of scepticism...

Aylat

Wed, May 27 2020, 10:19 am

ora_43 wrote:

3. make sure you're doing fun, relaxing things together, too. Like, a ratio of watching at least one funny video together per argument.

Love this

behappy2

Wed, May 27 2020, 11:25 am

Stop trying to convince each other that each of you is correct. I assume most couples don't agree completely.

What I tried doing is bringing him info and having open discussions and later saying "this is what I want to do. How do you feel about it" and when kids asked to be able to play with neighbors I deferred to my husband.