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I feel like I failed parenting ...
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Sewsew_mom




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, May 27 2020, 9:39 pm
I feel like I failed parenting.
Covid really tested me.. And I can't say I passed. I have 4 children ages 10-infant and I can't keep up. I thought I would be fun, and light and have a great time together. We would do projects, sing, bake and cook. Meanwhile all I did was yell, punish, and to get out from all the chaos go on walks with them. I'm so upset with myself and what kind of mother I am. Every day I say I will be better, and I fail from the moment I get up.
I know all the reasons why, but I can't seem to change this behavior. I feel so stressed the second I see them and it kills me. I love them. They're my babies and I want to be the best for them. I hope I don't ruin their lives, that wasn't the intention of bringing them into this world...
I know I can take parenting classes (which I have done) but right now I have so much on my head I can't think about adding anything extra. And it takes so long for change.
This is all so overwhelming.
Just venting really not looking for advice unless it's helpful and something practical.
Shavuos is tomorrow and I didn't find any time to even make a project with them or bake anything with them.
I totally failed.
Problem is.. Noone is taking my job over. Can't Believe It
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amother
Jetblack


 

Post Wed, May 27 2020, 9:42 pm
Hugs! It's been really hard!
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trixx




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, May 27 2020, 9:43 pm
You're treating yourself with behaviorist parenting as though yelling will fix you.
Be compassionate to yourself.
Crafts and baking dont make you a good mother.
If you know what's wrong but you can't help yourself, you have to dig deeper into your triggers and see what programmed you to respond instinctively from emotion instead of from logic, as you know you want to.
Can't judge yourself too much. Life isn't normal right now.
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Sewsew_mom




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, May 27 2020, 9:48 pm
trixx wrote:
You're treating yourself with behaviorist parenting as though yelling will fix you.
Be compassionate to yourself.
Crafts and baking dont make you a good mother.
If you know what's wrong but you can't help yourself, you have to dig deeper into your triggers and see what programmed you to respond instinctively from emotion instead of from logic, as you know you want to.
Can't judge yourself too much. Life isn't normal right now.


I yell because I'm overwhelmed.
Doing activities with my kids is for them to enjoy learning interesting things, in pleasant ways and create good memories.
Life isn't normal.. But my bad traits just shine now and it's taking me over..
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ExtraCredit




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, May 27 2020, 9:50 pm
You didn’t fail. You did the best with the tools you had. You’ll get better marks once covid is over.
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Sewsew_mom




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, May 27 2020, 9:55 pm
Surplus wrote:
You didn’t fail. You did the best with the tools you had. You’ll get better marks once covid is over.

I'm not sure I'd get better marks.. There's just less tests.
Usually the kids are out all day so how much time do I actually spend with them.
These are my kids. I love them. I'm supposed to raise them and teach them but I'm totally not capable.
Now that there is no school and were home together so much I realize how bad of a mother I really am. TMI
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amother
Jetblack


 

Post Wed, May 27 2020, 9:57 pm
delete
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amother
Turquoise


 

Post Wed, May 27 2020, 9:59 pm
The fact that you're thinking about this, shows you're a good person!
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ExtraCredit




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, May 27 2020, 9:59 pm
Sewsew_mom wrote:
I'm not sure I'd get better marks.. There's just less tests.
Usually the kids are out all day so how much time do I actually spend with them.
These are my kids. I love them. I'm supposed to raise them and teach them but I'm totally not capable.
Now that there is no school and were home together so much I realize how bad of a mother I really am. TMI

You picked the worst time to assess your parenting skills. When times are calmer you can try to work on yourself. Whether through parenting classes or one on one parenting help. Life is always full of tests and you will definitely do better. Right now if our kids are alive and fed at the end of each day we passed!
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Sewsew_mom




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, May 27 2020, 10:06 pm
Thanks.. Makes me sleep better tonight.
I wish I can be like a child and snap out of my mood in the next second. I try to keep calm so long and these past few days I've punished too many times to my liking..
I appreciate the reminder to let go and move on and not let it ruin my day.

I Def need more me time.. It's so hard to get that - and when I do I never feel like it's enough. Or I didn't use my time properly..
Thanks for the kind words and reminders.
I hope my children only remember the good moments.
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amother
Cobalt


 

Post Wed, May 27 2020, 11:26 pm
Thank you for sharing, exactly the same here. We'll do better I know because we care. Keep trying.
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FranticFrummie




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, May 28 2020, 8:00 am
Please order this NOW! https://www.amazon.com/Relaxed.....YHEPU

I used to go to a family for Shabbos, where they had 5 very LOUD and wild children (who I adored.) This was the only way I could get through an entire afternoon with them without getting a massive migraine.

If you snap at your children, as soon as you can, sit down with them and apologize. Tell them what you did wrong, and if you can, ask them for advice on how the two of you can make things nicer at home. You'd be surprised at how wise and intuitive a child can be.

Hashem has given you the perfect opportunity to model doing teshuvah, and cooperative problem solving. Use this time to be human, to be a role model, and to help yourself as well as your kids.

Everyone is saying "Why did Hashem give us Covid?" This may be your particular reason, so you could work on this aspect of your parenting. Don't beat yourself up, just keep working on it! Life is a classroom, and this is your lesson.
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behappy2




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, May 28 2020, 8:08 am
The product of a happy mom is someone who WANTS to do nice things with her kids. It's not that the projects make her a good mom. I wonder if you're expectations of yourself are too high. Instead of focusing on your kids focus on yourself. What can you do to make YOU happy and relaxed and full of energy and open to life!!

I know you said you don't want advice. Hope this was ok. I'm very passionate about this topic.
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jerusalem90




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, May 28 2020, 8:32 am
Covid type quarantine will PROBABLY only happen once during your parenting career. Our parents and grandparents didn't deal with this at all.

A lot of moms aren't cut out for being stay-at-home mom's but are great working moms -- that's probably you and not even a bad thing. You'll still have to deal with summer vacations and school vacations but those are WAY easier than Covid quarantine because you can take your kids to the park and go visit your own friends, so less feeling like you're going crazy.

Summary, as long as you're a good mom when not in quarantine, you're going to be a good mom all together. Quarantine was just a very short period of your parenting career, the younger kids won't even remember it, and beezrat hashem it won't happen again.
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Sewsew_mom




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, May 28 2020, 11:21 am
jerusalem90 wrote:
Covid type quarantine will PROBABLY only happen once during your parenting career. Our parents and grandparents didn't deal with this at all.

A lot of moms aren't cut out for being stay-at-home mom's but are great working moms -- that's probably you and not even a bad thing. You'll still have to deal with summer vacations and school vacations but those are WAY easier than Covid quarantine because you can take your kids to the park and go visit your own friends, so less feeling like you're going crazy.

Summary, as long as you're a good mom when not in quarantine, you're going to be a good mom all together. Quarantine was just a very short period of your parenting career, the younger kids won't even remember it, and beezrat hashem it won't happen again.


LOL.. Believe it or not I am a stay at home mom 🤦‍♀️.. And u love being a sahm. But this totally turned me into a monster..
On another note.. I went out for 2 hours myself to the grocery store and I realized this is the first time going by myself anywhere since March... I feel sort of human again and I am Def more patient today.
Didn't realize what an affect this had on me.
(and no I can't go out ever because my husband isn't really around to watch the kids 😏)
Thank u all for your advice and kind words!
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behappy2




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, May 28 2020, 11:28 am
Sewsew_mom wrote:
LOL.. Believe it or not I am a stay at home mom 🤦‍♀️.. And u love being a sahm. But this totally turned me into a monster..
On another note.. I went out for 2 hours myself to the grocery store and I realized this is the first time going by myself anywhere since March... I feel sort of human again and I am Def more patient today.
Didn't realize what an affect this had on me.
(and no I can't go out ever because my husband isn't really around to watch the kids 😏)
Thank u all for your advice and kind words!


So so so happy for you!
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amother
Lavender


 

Post Thu, May 28 2020, 11:42 am
Repeat after me:
I Did Not fail.
Your children are still young, you have many years ahead of you with them (with health and wealth and nachas)

We are human, we make mistakes in the best of times. These are trying times.
You will learn when and how to step back or change a method
You love them and care for them.
That’s all they need, your attention, not shvuous projects. A walk, a talk, sitting on the couch and reading to them. Simple pleasures are all children really need.
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avrahamama




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, May 28 2020, 11:43 am
It's called sensory overload. And I get it before I even wake up. I love them so much but boy do they know how to break my spirit.
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Sewsew_mom




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, May 28 2020, 1:02 pm
avrahamama wrote:
It's called sensory overload. And I get it before I even wake up. I love them so much but boy do they know how to break my spirit.

Didn't know there was a name for it.. I think I have that. I'll check it out.
Life overload? Lol
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amother
Lilac


 

Post Sat, May 30 2020, 7:44 pm
any advice for sensory overload. I definitely get it. when my kids talk too much I can't process it after a while...
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