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Have you been generally happy with DH's handling of Covid?

 
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Poll

Have you been generally happy with DH's handling of Covid?
He's been pretty strict and I'm happy about it
 46%  [ 53 ]
He's been pretty strict, and it's too much for me
 4%  [ 5 ]
He's been pretty lax, and I'm happy about it
 7%  [ 9 ]
He's been pretty lax, and I wish he took it more seriously
 9%  [ 11 ]
He's middle-of-the-road, and I'm happy about it
 30%  [ 35 ]
Total Votes : 113


amother




OP
 

Post  Thu, May 28 2020, 7:54 pm
When we were dating, we discussed and asked about many things to try to determine if a potential spouse would be a good match. I think it's safe to say that none of us thought to ask how he'd respond to a global pandemic and significant lockdown.

This thread is NOT to discuss what is and is not an appropriate way to respond to it, but simply to gauge whether you were generally happy with how DH responded. Some posters have complained about DH's being lax with going to places without appropriate precautions, and I'm sure some have felt stifled by DH's strictness.

My DH has definitely been on the stricter side, probably a bit more than I would have done on my own, but I'd definitely rather he be on that side of me than the other. How about you?
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amother




Burlywood
 

Post  Thu, May 28 2020, 8:02 pm
My DH and I have pretty much been on the same page about this whole thing which has been nice and definitely makes it easier.
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amother




Dodgerblue
 

Post  Sat, May 30 2020, 3:12 pm
DH is really strict it's been really difficult for me. Especially as weve only been married 4 months.
We aren't really seeing anyone or going anywhere.

I know he just wants to keep us safe but it's really really hard for me.
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FranticFrummie




 
 
 
 

Post  Sat, May 30 2020, 3:16 pm
amother [ Dodgerblue ] wrote:
DH is really strict it's been really difficult for me. Especially as weve only been married 4 months.
We aren't really seeing anyone or going anywhere.

I know he just wants to keep us safe but it's really really hard for me.


When you look back, I hope you can see it as a sign of how much he cares for your health, and how much he loves you.

Reach out to your parents by phone, Skype, or Zoom as much as you can, and get extra socializing in remotely. The sooner we follow the rules, the sooner we can get out from under them. Hug Mazel tov on your wedding!

Bonus, you can tell your kids "Oh yeah, you think your life is bad? Let me tell you about the time Abba and I got stuck in the house for months due to a global pandemic!"
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amother




Dodgerblue
 

Post  Sat, May 30 2020, 3:29 pm
FranticFrummie wrote:
When you look back, I hope you can see it as a sign of how much he cares for your health, and how much he loves you.

Reach out to your parents by phone, Skype, or Zoom as much as you can, and get extra socializing in remotely. The sooner we follow the rules, the sooner we can get out from under them. Hug Mazel tov on your wedding!

Bonus, you can tell your kids "Oh yeah, you think your life is bad? Let me tell you about the time Abba and I got stuck in the house for months due to a global pandemic!"


I was scared to post and get bashed that my DH is too extreme or abusive, I'm so scared and vulnerable right now and this is exactly what I needed to hear. Thank you for being empathetic and understanding when no one else can.
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amother




Magenta
 

Post  Sat, May 30 2020, 5:57 pm
amother [ Dodgerblue ] wrote:
I was scared to post and get bashed that my DH is too extreme or abusive, I'm so scared and vulnerable right now and this is exactly what I needed to hear. Thank you for being empathetic and understanding when no one else can.

My DH is also super-strict about this stuff, that's why I trust him. He might seem extreme but he's really just not being stupid.

I know everyone in the community thinks he is a little strange, that's okay with me.

On Shavuot we had a little spat about it (in public Wink). Usually we are on the same page so he was surprised, and when things had calmed down and we were already on the way home I realized I had been wrong and really regretted not walking away with DH when he insisted on it. The only comfort is that statistically, the chance that my stupidity and obstinance caused any harm is very, very, low, close to nil. And again, I am pretty sure the people who saw him think he is too extreme and that I did the right thing, when I was wrong and he was right. So be it.
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amother




Black
 

Post  Sat, May 30 2020, 10:13 pm
DH was more lax than I was and though at first it bothered me, I am now happy about it to know that he was definitely exposed.
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amother




Dodgerblue
 

Post  Sun, May 31 2020, 4:47 am
amother [ Magenta ] wrote:
My DH is also super-strict about this stuff, that's why I trust him. He might seem extreme but he's really just not being stupid.

I know everyone in the community thinks he is a little strange, that's okay with me.


Yes, I know. He says even if statistically we won't die as we are young with no health issues, there's still a chance. Why take that chance? And even if we won't die he is going into the medical field and knows exactly what being on a ventilator means, or getting really sick - and he doesn't want that to happen.

And he does know young people, 20, 24, who had no prior medical issues who almost died, were put on ventilators, and although did survive COVID-19, will now how medical issues for the rest of their lives as a side effect. One has heart issues and another has liver issues.

We know people who who have been 90 and have survived COVID, and people who were 60 die.
It's unpredictable and he doesn't want to take a chance if we don't have to.

I assume he won't be going to a shul until there is a vaccine, and it's been out for a couple months.
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amother




Magenta
 

Post  Sun, May 31 2020, 11:17 am
amother [ Dodgerblue ] wrote:
Yes, I know. He says even if statistically we won't die as we are young with no health issues, there's still a chance. Why take that chance? And even if we won't die he is going into the medical field and knows exactly what being on a ventilator means, or getting really sick - and he doesn't want that to happen.

And he does know young people, 20, 24, who had no prior medical issues who almost died, were put on ventilators, and although did survive COVID-19, will now how medical issues for the rest of their lives as a side effect. One has heart issues and another has liver issues.

We know people who who have been 90 and have survived COVID, and people who were 60 die.
It's unpredictable and he doesn't want to take a chance if we don't have to.

I assume he won't be going to a shul until there is a vaccine, and it's been out for a couple months.

Sounds like he knows what he's talking about and is smart. He is 100% right....you don't want this messing up the rest of your lives, ch"v, even if you survive it.

This doesn't sound abusive at all, it sounds like he really cares about you and he doesn't want either of you to get sick.

Not going to shul is really tough.... here shuls have reopened with limitations, but my DH refuses to go at least for another few weeks, possibly more. After I saw what I saw on Shavuot I realized he was right. But it's hard, especially since we're some of the only people still keeping it really strict.
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amother




Dodgerblue
 

Post  Sun, May 31 2020, 11:24 am
amother [ Magenta ] wrote:
Sounds like he knows what he's talking about and is smart. He is 100% right....you don't want this messing up the rest of your lives, ch"v, even if you survive it.

This doesn't sound abusive at all, it sounds like he really cares about you and he doesn't want either of you to get sick.

Not going to shul is really tough.... here shuls have reopened with limitations, but my DH refuses to go at least for another few weeks, possibly more. After I saw what I saw on Shavuot I realized he was right. But it's hard, especially since we're some of the only people still keeping it really strict.


I don't mind the not going to shul so much. He still has learning over zoom and I've been SD meeting with a friend or two, or like today I went on a walk by myself and just chatted with some friends over the phone which helps.

I definitely think going to shul is stupid except for the few shuls who are very strictly following rules. We know of such a shul in the neighborhood next to us and DH says he would totally go if it was closer.

A part of me is like, the risk is so small. We are more likely to get hurt in our car. I do think we should go out more with others, with SD and masks and being in an outdoor place but he disagrees. It's definitely been a stressful topic as of late. He feels that no matter how far out he pushes himself to be a bit more lax for me - it's not enough for me. He's really nervous and anxious.

Things are better than last week though. We are trying to weather this through and do enjoyable activities and play games to get our minds on something else when we get too heated.
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amother




Mauve
 

Post  Sun, May 31 2020, 11:33 am
amother [ Black ] wrote:
DH was more lax than I was and though at first it bothered me, I am now happy about it to know that he was definitely exposed.


My DH was exposed so many of times. - especially on Purim. He hasn’t missed a day of work at a blue color work site with tons of interaction. Does tons of shopping. Etc. Has no antibodies.
Go figure.
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amother




Floralwhite
 

Post  Sun, May 31 2020, 11:36 am
amother [ Dodgerblue ] wrote:
Yes, I know. He says even if statistically we won't die as we are young with no health issues, there's still a chance. Why take that chance? And even if we won't die he is going into the medical field and knows exactly what being on a ventilator means, or getting really sick - and he doesn't want that to happen.

And he does know young people, 20, 24, who had no prior medical issues who almost died, were put on ventilators, and although did survive COVID-19, will now how medical issues for the rest of their lives as a side effect. One has heart issues and another has liver issues.

We know people who who have been 90 and have survived COVID, and people who were 60 die.
It's unpredictable and he doesn't want to take a chance if we don't have to.

I assume he won't be going to a shul until there is a vaccine, and it's been out for a couple months.


Wait are you me?

For everyone who thinks I wrote this post, it’s not me 😂 lol

Dh is in med school, and same, same, same.

I do agree with him, and we’re in this together.
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amother




Magenta
 

Post  Sun, May 31 2020, 11:59 am
amother [ Dodgerblue ] wrote:
I don't mind the not going to shul so much. He still has learning over zoom and I've been SD meeting with a friend or two, or like today I went on a walk by myself and just chatted with some friends over the phone which helps.

I definitely think going to shul is stupid except for the few shuls who are very strictly following rules. We know of such a shul in the neighborhood next to us and DH says he would totally go if it was closer.

A part of me is like, the risk is so small. We are more likely to get hurt in our car. I do think we should go out more with others, with SD and masks and being in an outdoor place but he disagrees. It's definitely been a stressful topic as of late. He feels that no matter how far out he pushes himself to be a bit more lax for me - it's not enough for me. He's really nervous and anxious.

Things are better than last week though. We are trying to weather this through and do enjoyable activities and play games to get our minds on something else when we get too heated.

Shul isn't stupid, but not keeping SD in the name of going to shul certainly is...

You're probably right that you're more likely to get hurt in your car (depending on where you live) but that doesn't mean you need additional risks in your life.

Also, let's say you contract it, the risk that you won't be asymptomatic is 20%. Of those people, most need some kind of medical help....depending on where you live that might not be something worth counting on. Better to stay healthy than have to rely on overworked teams that lack equipment and don't really know what they're doing....if you get to the point where you need a ventilator you're at a 70% risk of dying. That's really high.

I imagine being a med student your DH has a very real and deep understanding of exactly what this looks like when you land on the wrong side of statistics. But for sure it's not easy to stay isolated for so long. Really not easy. I'm a loner by nature and even for me this is starting to get really tough, I can't imagine how you feel.

I don't know - the social distancing is meant to minimize the risk, not eliminate it. Masks don't always protect you properly, they protect the people around you. And it's really hard to keep 2 meters distance.

Good for you for trying to keep your minds off this!
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amother




Dodgerblue
 

Post  Sun, May 31 2020, 12:14 pm
amother [ Magenta ] wrote:
Shul isn't stupid, but not keeping SD in the name of going to shul certainly is...

You're probably right that you're more likely to get hurt in your car (depending on where you live) but that doesn't mean you need additional risks in your life.

Also, let's say you contract it, the risk that you won't be asymptomatic is 20%. Of those people, most need some kind of medical help....depending on where you live that might not be something worth counting on. Better to stay healthy than have to rely on overworked teams that lack equipment and don't really know what they're doing....if you get to the point where you need a ventilator you're at a 70% risk of dying. That's really high.

I imagine being a med student your DH has a very real and deep understanding of exactly what this looks like when you land on the wrong side of statistics. But for sure it's not easy to stay isolated for so long. Really not easy. I'm a loner by nature and even for me this is starting to get really tough, I can't imagine how you feel.

I don't know - the social distancing is meant to minimize the risk, not eliminate it. Masks don't always protect you properly, they protect the people around you. And it's really hard to keep 2 meters distance.

Good for you for trying to keep your minds off this!


I am not a loner. I am a loud extroverted colorful person who is used to going out all the time, going to the beach, to the mall, to the kosel, to ANYWHERE!!!!! Crying

We don't go to a place if we see it's not possible to SD.

For a shul to be safe it needs to be large, with a good airflow. Windows and doors open. EVERY person wearing a mask and being 2 meters apart. Someone needs to be walking around during davening and making sure this is all being kept and extra people or guests are not entering the shul.
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Mama Bear




 
 
 
 

Post  Sun, May 31 2020, 12:14 pm
When we were still at the HEIGHT of danger, he was still escaping to meet with friends at night bc he just couldn't handle the situation. He's always been like that. I cried and begged and pleaded to no avail, til I finally made peace with the situation. You can't control your spouse.
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amother




Black
 

Post  Sun, May 31 2020, 12:25 pm
amother [ Mauve ] wrote:
My DH was exposed so many of times. - especially on Purim. He hasn’t missed a day of work at a blue color work site with tons of interaction. Does tons of shopping. Etc. Has no antibodies.
Go figure.

DH didn't check antibodies but knowing that he was exposed and either caught it or didn't, but whatever it is, there's a certain level of security knowing that he was exposed even if for some reason his body didn't allow him to catch it.
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