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Desperate about yeshiva HELP
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amother




OP
 

Post  Sat, May 30 2020, 11:19 pm
I could have put this in the mental health forum. We need a yeshiva for my DS. We have tried everything the past two years from dorming to not shtark to colored shirts. Nothing!! Now he says he wants to go to a MO high school and specifically likes Magen David because of sports and business curriculum. We are not Syrian or Sephardic nor do we live in Brooklyn. I’ve had suggestions for YDE, Yeshiva of Flatbush, HAFTR, and MTA. It seems like MTA is too big. Please help!! I can’t anymore. As a family we are yeshivish.
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amother




OP
 

Post  Sun, May 31 2020, 12:00 am
There has to be someone that can help!
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amother




Blonde
 

Post  Sun, May 31 2020, 12:07 am
Really sorry I can't help you but I with you❤️
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amother




Blonde
 

Post  Sun, May 31 2020, 12:08 am
amother [ Blonde ] wrote:
Really sorry I can't help you but I with you❤️


I am with you
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amother




Linen
 

Post  Sun, May 31 2020, 12:12 am
amother [ OP ] wrote:
I could have put this in the mental health forum. We need a yeshiva for my DS. We have tried everything the past two years from dorming to not shtark to colored shirts. Nothing!! Now he says he wants to go to a MO high school and specifically likes Magen David because of sports and business curriculum. We are not Syrian or Sephardic nor do we live in Brooklyn. I’ve had suggestions for YDE, Yeshiva of Flatbush, HAFTR, and MTA. It seems like MTA is too big. Please help!! I can’t anymore. As a family we are yeshivish.


My DH works for MTA. Compared to the other MO schools in our area it's about the same size or smaller. I can tell you their incoming 9th grade class is 60 kids. Whenever I've been around the kids (Shabbatons, I run an extra curricular there) it seems very warm. Out of the places you listed, MTA is probably the most similar to your hashkafa.
I'm happy to answer any questions.
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studying_torah




 
 
 
 

Post  Sun, May 31 2020, 2:46 am
What about Heichal Hatorah in Teaneck ?
Not really modern orthodox, but supposed to have good secular studies & has a sports program, a pool in the building etc.
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amother




Silver
 

Post  Sun, May 31 2020, 4:32 am
When he says "modern Orthodox" does he mean an appreciation for all forms of knowledge as pathways to Hashem, does he mean a school that recognizes different learning styles, does he mean fewer hours of sitting in class, or does he think it means everything goes? Because that's key to finding the right place.
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amother




White
 

Post  Sun, May 31 2020, 5:57 am
If he won't fit in to the Syrian crowd, he will be miserable.

Talking from experience as someone in the Syrian community. It's a very close-knit community, with a very specific culture, slang, etc.

Have him visit the different schools, speak to advisors, students. Make an informed decision.

Hatzlacha
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Rappel




 
 
 
 

Post  Sun, May 31 2020, 5:59 am
What is he really looking for? There are many fine schools with excellent educators and curriculums, but that doesn't mean that he'll find satisfaction there. Magen David is such a random choice for someone who is not within the community, that I can't help wondering what makes him think it's even on the table.

What's bugging him, and what does he want?
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amother




Firebrick
 

Post  Sun, May 31 2020, 8:38 am
Magen David will not take him in, he can move on from that pipe dream.

Now I totally relate to this school is miserable experience. Tell more what his problems keep being and maybe I can help. Did a lot of school searching, have had nice share of school issues.
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amother




OP
 

Post  Sun, May 31 2020, 10:19 am
amother [ Silver ] wrote:
When he says "modern Orthodox" does he mean an appreciation for all forms of knowledge as pathways to Hashem, does he mean a school that recognizes different learning styles, does he mean fewer hours of sitting in class, or does he think it means everything goes? Because that's key to finding the right place.


He thinks it means everything goes. His word is “chillers”. He’s looking for less stress and more “fun”.
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Notsobusy




 
 
 
 

Post  Sun, May 31 2020, 10:23 am
Would Mesivta of Eatontown or Waterbury be an option? Also, someone mentioned Heichal, that might work.
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amother




OP
 

Post  Sun, May 31 2020, 10:27 am
amother [ White ] wrote:
If he won't fit in to the Syrian crowd, he will be miserable.

Talking from experience as someone in the Syrian community. It's a very close-knit community, with a very specific culture, slang, etc.

Have him visit the different schools, speak to advisors, students. Make an informed decision.

Hatzlacha


What would make him not fit in? He’s warm and sociable and flexible. The curriculum sounds like the closest to what he’s looking for with a business emphasis. Both DH and I are working professionals. He does better with close knit. I’m wondering if it’s just the change he’s looking for. We have failed at this so many times already even with so much research. He wouldn’t physically stand out. He hasn’t connected to the rebbeim and thinks they are out of touch for not working in the real world.

ETA: we even hired a professional and failed.
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amother




Silver
 

Post  Sun, May 31 2020, 10:28 am
amother [ OP ] wrote:
He thinks it means everything goes. His word is “chillers”. He’s looking for less stress and more “fun”.


In that case, it's not about community affiliation. He may see the MO kids having more free time and more sports, but he's not seeing other forms of stress. Those kids are expected to go to college, after all.

I think he might be better in a chilled yeshivish school.
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amother




OP
 

Post  Sun, May 31 2020, 10:29 am
amother [ Firebrick ] wrote:
Magen David will not take him in, he can move on from that pipe dream.

Now I totally relate to this school is miserable experience. Tell more what his problems keep being and maybe I can help. Did a lot of school searching, have had nice share of school issues.


Pipe dream? Why not? Can you explain? Do my updated posts give more information? TIA for sharing.
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amother




OP
 

Post  Sun, May 31 2020, 10:37 am
Notsobusy wrote:
Would Mesivta of Eatontown or Waterbury be an option? Also, someone mentioned Heichal, that might work.


Heichal and Eatontown are both to the right of what he wants. I feel emotional just saying that! Waterbury may be an option.
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amother




OP
 

Post  Sun, May 31 2020, 10:41 am
amother [ Silver ] wrote:
In that case, it's not about community affiliation. He may see the MO kids having more free time and more sports, but he's not seeing other forms of stress. Those kids are expected to go to college, after all.

I think he might be better in a chilled yeshivish school.


He does very well in secular studies. That’s a big part of his issue. He hates that the menahels only ask about kodesh and what summer camp he goes to. He plans to go to university with engineering or medical school. Both DH and I have graduate level education. He’s clever. Too clever
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giselle




 
 
 
 

Post  Sun, May 31 2020, 10:42 am
amother [ OP ] wrote:
What would make him not fit in? He’s warm and sociable and flexible. The curriculum sounds like the closest to what he’s looking for with a business emphasis. Both DH and I are working professionals. He does better with close knit. I’m wondering if it’s just the change he’s looking for. We have failed at this so many times already even with so much research. He wouldn’t physically stand out. He hasn’t connected to the rebbeim and thinks they are out of touch for not working in the real world.

I’ve worked in Syrian schools. I absolutely love the community. They are a very close knit community though with a unique culture, and I would never recommend an ashkenaz boy/girl go to a Syrian school. What would make him not fit in is simply because he is ashkenaz.
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amother




Silver
 

Post  Sun, May 31 2020, 10:49 am
amother [ OP ] wrote:
He does very well in secular studies. That’s a big part of his issue. He hates that the menahels only ask about kodesh and what summer camp he goes to. He plans to go to university with engineering or medical school. Both DH and I have graduate level education. He’s clever. Too clever


So is he a hard worker or not? It's hard to see what he needs. Maybe a yeshivish-lite place like Heichal Hatorah would be ok for him. It is hard in the current situation, where he can't spend a day visiting schools to get a feel for what goes on in the classroom.

I just think that going to an MO school when you grew up in an environment that disrespects that derech is going to be difficult. And an MO school isn't likely to want a kid looking for an off-ramp out of religion, if that's what he's hoping to find.
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amother




White
 

Post  Sun, May 31 2020, 10:49 am
amother [ OP ] wrote:
What would make him not fit in? He’s warm and sociable and flexible. The curriculum sounds like the closest to what he’s looking for with a business emphasis. Both DH and I are working professionals. He does better with close knit. I’m wondering if it’s just the change he’s looking for. We have failed at this so many times already even with so much research. He wouldn’t physically stand out. He hasn’t connected to the rebbeim and thinks they are out of touch for not working in the real world.


He sounds like a really great kid. There are def some Ashkenazim that did fine and even thrived going to mostly Syrian/Sephardic schools. But they were still "different". As "American" as many Syrian families have become, (I.e. sending kids to colleges out of state, marrying later than they used to) there is still that cultural divide that will inevitably be there and he might be the odd man out in that respect. Yes, pros: the teachers are usually fantastic, there is a certain respect towards people more religious which lends to a desire for growth, davening is sacred. Etc. But there is also that social aspect, which may or may not be an issue, the jokes or lingo he will have to catch, the social pressures (everyone else's parents gets them a luxury car when they turn 16), the girls' parents won't want their girls dating a boy from out of the community ...
All I'm saying is do your research! Talk to kids from the school, talk to teachers, see if there is other ashkanaz kids and get their feedback.
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