Would you choose the same name?

amother

Sun, May 31 2020, 9:10 am

Would you choose the same name that a sibling chose, if it was not named after anyone?

I have been in love with a name for many years, but I haven't had a child of that gender in this time. My sister just chose that name for her baby.

Let's say the name she chose was Yocheved, and she added the name Sara to be named after someone. If I would have had a girl, I also would have named Yocheved Sara! First name just chosen, second after someone.

Would you ever use this name? I am feeling very sad about it.

Does it make a difference if she would call her daughter Chevi and you would call her Yocheved? So they would both be Yocheved Sara but called by slightly different names.

This is almost a moot point since I'm not expecting right now, but I'm feeling sad about future baby names. Does that make me silly?

singleagain

Sun, May 31 2020, 9:12 am

No. It doesn't make you silly. There was actually a recent similar thread. I think the consensus there was talk to your sister. If it's okay with her then use it in good health. If she would feel slighted, maybe you can come up with a compromise liek nicknam

amother

Sun, May 31 2020, 9:26 am

singleagain wrote:

Thanks.

I did just hear that she's calling her baby by a nickname, and I would prefer to use the whole name. That's the only thing that's making me feel like it might be okay.

I would feel funny discussing names because we've never mentioned names before we used them.

amother

Mint

Sun, May 31 2020, 9:51 am

I hear this. My grandfather had a really ugly uncommon name. When my baby brother was born, my parents added the name Simcha he should bring Simcha into the house, and we only call him Simcha. I loved the idea and was planning to do similar when I had my first son, and hubby was on board as well.
I havent had a son yet, but in the meantime my two cousins did and they both named their kids Simcha followed by ugly name.
At this point, I'm finally pregnant and not sure I want to give that name anymore. Will need to think of something else that matches well.

amother

Mint

Sun, May 31 2020, 10:25 am

Blessing1 wrote:

I honestly don't get this question. Name your baby however you like, no one owns a name a no names are exclusive.

It's not about whether you're allowed to give the name or not it's more about loosing interest. At least in my case.

applesbananas

Sun, May 31 2020, 10:26 am

Blessing1 wrote:

I honestly don't get this question. Name your baby however you like, no one owns a name a no names are exclusive.

I agree however I also understand OP. If you have a particular association with a name and therefore you love it or you have no association at all and you just love the sound but then a close family member give the name and now your associate that child with that name, for better or for worse. Sometimes you love a name because its unique but suddenly a family member gives it and the excitement of the unique name goes out the window. I can totally relate!

Frumme

Sun, May 31 2020, 10:32 am

It's not uncommon in some circles for cousins to have the same name. Think Chaya Mushka in Lubavitch. They often differentiate with nicknames. Like someone mentioned before, I would talk to your sister and see if it would bother her if you happened to use the same name.

Would I name my kids the same name as my siblings? Personally, maybe one name, but probably not both-- but that's just me and I haven't been put into this situation. Then again, my sister (only other sibling with kids at the moment) calls her kids by their English names whereas I would call them by their Hebrew names. The closest situation I've been in to this is where my sister's SIL named her daughter XYZ. When my baby was born 3 months later, I also named my DD XYZ. So now my sister has two nieces with the same name, which is confusing for her kids sometimes.

amother

Sun, May 31 2020, 10:50 am

I know that no one has exclusive dibs on a name, but I don't want to do something that seems strange. We do have a few of the same names in the family, which are after relatives. I know that's totally normal.

This feels different, because it's just choosing a name of preference. I know that I've wanted this name longer than she has, but no one knew. Now I feel like I'll look like I'm copying her.

And I would do the same middle name as well, named after a grandparent. So it really would be similar!

So my question is - is it too weird to have one cousin Chevi Cohen and the other Yocheved Schwartz? But both would be Yocheved Sara.

amother

Peach

Sun, May 31 2020, 11:27 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

So my question is - is it too weird to have one cousin Chevi Cohen and the other Yocheved Schwartz? But both would be Yocheved Sara.

Not weird at all.
My sister chose the name miera cuz she loved it. I had a bunch of girls and 2 deceased grandfathers from dh side named Meir. I asked my sister if I have a girl and chose the name miera, would she care. She said no shed be flattered!

Dont be so concerned with what others think. If you and your sister are ok with it, go for it

amother

Sun, May 31 2020, 11:33 am

And does my sister have a right to “not be okay with it”? I’m not sure if she’d be annoyed I’m copying her. But she didn’t invent the name.

I’m toying with whether or not I should say something now, just to put out there that I already thought of this name. I’m not having a baby any time soon, but I feel so sad about losing this name.

Blessing1

Sun, May 31 2020, 11:38 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

If your sister is upset that you named your baby the same name she named her baby, then she's quite immature and childish. You don't lose a name because your sister gave the same name, name how you like without taking your sisters kids names into consideration. Especially years apart.

amother

Seagreen

Sun, May 31 2020, 11:48 am

Blessing1 wrote:

Not necessarily...it might be seen as naming after the sister's child, which is basically wishing death on that child, ch"v.

amother

Sun, May 31 2020, 11:52 am

amother [ Seagreen ] wrote:

Not necessarily...it might be seen as naming after the sister's child, which is basically wishing death on that child, ch"v.

There is only an issue of naming after parents and grandparents (for ashkenazim). If I choose the same name as my neighbor, I’m not naming after her. I wouldn’t think that would be a consideration at all.

I’m just sad that this pretty name won’t feel as special anymore Sad

finallyamommy

Sun, May 31 2020, 12:29 pm

I might try to come up with a different, though related, name. Shifra for Yocheved, Yiska for Sara, that kind of thing.

Blessing1

Sun, May 31 2020, 12:34 pm

amother [ Seagreen ] wrote:

Not necessarily...it might be seen as naming after the sister's child, which is basically wishing death on that child, ch"v.

What??? Why would anyone think that their sister is naming their baby after their child? This sounds absurd. Don't you know any cousins with the same name?? It's very normal for relatives of an extended family to have the same name, especially if it's a common name or named after a deceased relative.

Kiwi13

Sun, May 31 2020, 5:59 pm

I would use the name, but in my family that's totally accepted. We actually even had that discussion before there were any babies to name. :-) Then when one sister had a baby and my other sister and I both loved the name, she said, "so go ahead and use it also!" We didn't, but we could have. This question is very family-specific.

Ema of 5

Sun, May 31 2020, 6:09 pm

In my husbands family, there are many family names, which leads to numerous children having the same name. Most of them are called the same thing. Due to circumstances, one of my kids ended up with one of those family names, but is called something different than everyone else.

amother

Khaki

Sun, May 31 2020, 6:17 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

You are not copying. You are using the same name.

Now is not the time to be telling your sister that a future niece may share the name as her daughter. The time for that is when you are pregnant with a girl.