Is it selfish to give a kid an unusual name?

Rappel

Wed, Jun 10 2020, 4:46 am

Just kicking ideas around in my head, and I want to hear what others think.

I live in a society where literally anything goes, name-wise. Many names are unisex, like Hadar or Ziv. Some people give their children grandiose, long names - I was at the Brit Milah of a Moshe Chaim Abaye last week, and his neighbor is Menachem Mendel Melech. Others make names up - Sadayel, anyone? I even know a little girl named Orayta.

Having given my first two children longer, more difficult names which we thought were beautiful at the time, I've come to the conclusion that a total name should not be more than 4 syllables, and shouldn't need an explanation. Fine.

But now we're considering name lists, and I find I'm very drawn to certain biblical names, but while they're all tzaddikim, they're not the main characters like Moshe and David. I do think a mother has intuition about a name, but is it fair to give a kid a name that others don't have? Won't people's heads turn, will it be awkward for them? How can I be sure I'm giving my child a good name?

Success10

Wed, Jun 10 2020, 4:49 am

I did once hear from dh, he said it in the name of a chinuch expert that I can't recall offhand, that one should not give a name that will turn heads. On the other hand, just because you have not heard the name used before, doesn't mean it will turn heads. Especially if it's a biblical name of a tzadik.

amother

Olive

Wed, Jun 10 2020, 5:04 am

On the other hand, it could be that the child will end up loving the name. For instance, I have a name that's still fairly uncommon for a girl to have, but even as a kid I loved it and it's totally my identity. I love not being one of the many Sara Rivka Rachel Leahs, etc.

Especially in Israel, most names are not head turning. Unless it's your first encounter with a name that has suddenly become unisex (who was the first to use Noam for a girl???). You have a heck of a lot more freedom. Though I wouldn't necessarily pick an old fashioned Yiddish name in a DL or mostly secular city the name itself wouldn't necessarily be cause for the kid to be bullied.

amother

Beige

Wed, Jun 10 2020, 5:06 am

Yes it’s very selfish.
I have an usual name and hate it every day.
At most, my parents should have added a second name so I can call myself by that if I decide.

Now I’m stuck with my one ugly name.

Maybe give it but add a second simpler name?

Rappel

Wed, Jun 10 2020, 5:40 am

Thank you all. You're right, in the DL world, anything goes. But I don't want my kids to have to say their names multiple times with explanations either Smile

Beige, Apricot - would your opinion change if it weren't a character no one has heard of, but just someone that no one names after? Like Elazar, or Yissaschar, or Yirmiyahu?

I'm not talking names which have bad meanings in modern context like Hulda (which is a shame, because she was amazing). Or characters whose behaviour was awful, like Amnon. But characters whose names just don't make the cut, usually.

amother

Seagreen

Wed, Jun 10 2020, 5:44 am

I posted on the unsual names thread. I'm yeshivish/chareidi and my name is Hadas Bat-el. Obviously I'm anon as the name is pretty rare.
Far from the usual.

I absolutely love it. I don't think kids get bullied because of a name, kids bully anyone. I know plenty of Shiras, Leahs, and Ahrons that were bullied.

I don't think it's cruel at all.

If you want you can paid it with a more common name, and when the child gets older she/he feels they can take on the second more common name if they'd like.

Honestly I know many common people names who dislike their name. Unfortunately you can't really know if a kid will grow to hate/dislike their name. It happens with people who have unusual and common names.

I didn't have an issue in the religious system because of my name. I've met plenty of people in the yeshivish/chareidi system with interesting or uncommon names and none of them have an issue.

You have more of an issue in Israel with a Sefardi or Persian last name than with an uncommon first name.

ora_43

Wed, Jun 10 2020, 5:46 am

I think it depends how unusual.

I'd avoid anything that the average person would react to with "how do you pronounce that?" Or "how interesting, I've never heard that name before." Ditto for anything that's common in another community but not in yours (eg giving a kid in a dati leumi community a yiddish name like Feigy or a name like Nimrod).

OTOH for a lot of kids it's not so fun to be, say, Eitan C (to distinguish him from Eitans D, M, and S).

(no judgment, I've used super-common names for some of my kids)

I think my ideal would be an uncommon-but-not-unheard-of first name and a fairly common second name. Uncommon first names that can be shortened to common nicknames are also good (eg Elyasaf could become either Eli or Assaf).

banana123

Wed, Jun 10 2020, 5:47 am

Rappel wrote:

Thank you all. You're right, in the DL world, anything goes. But I don't want my kids to have to say their names multiple times with explanations either Smile

Of those, only Yirmiyahu is relatively rare, and even it isn't unheard of.

Yoshiyahu, Yehoshafat, Yehoyachin...okay, you don't hear those too often.

I think it depends on the name.

amother

Apricot

Wed, Jun 10 2020, 5:48 am

Rappel wrote:

Thank you all. You're right, in the DL world, anything goes. But I don't want my kids to have to say their names multiple times with explanations either Smile

The name of a righteous character in Tanach is probably ok. (Yes to Yiscah, no to Bilhah, if you are asking for my personal preference.)

But I don't even consider Elazar, Yissachar and Yirmiyahu unusual names. I know a Tzefania and a Zerubavel, and I think those names are unusual.

amother

Seagreen

Wed, Jun 10 2020, 5:50 am

ora_43 wrote:

Yes; I am familiar with a Moledet Emunah. It's got to be the strangest name I have heard. People call her Moledet for short. Can't Believe It

Now THAT'S a name you should not give a kid.
Here's other examples of name not to give a kid:

- An entire posuk or phrase from beginning to end.
- An object
- Shachris, Mincha, or Maariv (I've heard of 2 of them as names)
- Animals with bad associations, like donkey.

amother

Sapphire

Wed, Jun 10 2020, 5:54 am

amother [ Seagreen ] wrote:

Yes; I am familiar with a Moledet Emunah. It's got to be the strangest name I have heard. People call her Moledet for short. Can't Believe It

Hey, hey!

I met someone who named her baby Mevaseret. Why is Moledet worse? They are both beautiful names.
And Shacharit is also a nice name, and not so weird. There are tons of Shachars around.
Mincha is also the name of a specific korban, so to me it's disqualified automatically.

(Wait. You know a Shachris? Or a Shacharit? Do I know you?)

Ora in town

Wed, Jun 10 2020, 5:55 am

Rappel wrote:

I agree with you on this. I have rare middle name with five syllabels... and I hated it as a child... I just think that 5 syllables are too much for a child... I was really ashamed of that name... My parents loved it and even considered giving it as a first name...

Now I don't know. Had it been my first name, I might had gotten used to it... But I always hated the thought that this name could have been my first name...

shabbatiscoming

Wed, Jun 10 2020, 5:56 am

Rappel wrote:

Thank you all. You're right, in the DL world, anything goes. But I don't want my kids to have to say their names multiple times with explanations either Smile

Those are lovely and I have definitely head of people with those names.

essie14

Wed, Jun 10 2020, 6:23 am

shabbatiscoming wrote:

Rappel, in the dati leumi community that we live in, that I am assuming you live in a similar one, I think unusual tanachi names are not so unusual Smile

I think unusual or unique names are lovely, but thats my opinion.

Me too. Anything goes in my circles. Literally.

amother

Pearl

Wed, Jun 10 2020, 6:38 am

I think that in some DL / Torani communities in EY (especially among baalei tshuva) they've overstepped the boundaries of unusual names. A friend has a son "Yisrael Ohev Shalom" and it's just embarassing. There are loads of less common names which can be lovely, but people need to let their kid be an individual because of something a little deeper than a very oddball name.

That said, I trust Rappel's judgement as you're far from what I described, but just a general observation on my part.

amother

Sapphire

Wed, Jun 10 2020, 6:44 am

amother [ Pearl ] wrote:

Chana Cohen-Alloro has a son named Ohev Yisrael. I think it's a beautiful name.

And I know a Teimani in his 40s who is named Goel.

amother

Pearl

Wed, Jun 10 2020, 6:48 am

amother [ Sapphire ] wrote:

Chana Cohen-Alloro has a son named Ohev Yisrael. I think it's a beautiful name.

And I know a Teimani in his 40s who is named Goel.

Yep, and there's a reason why this name has disappeared off the radar. Honestly, I hear 'goel' and think 'nefesh' as in גועל נפש.

There are so many beautiful names! Why do this to a kid?