Home
Log in / Sign Up
    Private Messages   Advanced Search   Rules   New User Guide   FAQ   Advertise   Contact Us  
Forum -> Judaism
I think Hashem is pushing us off the derech
1  2  3  4  5  Next



Post new topic   Reply to topic View latest: 24h 48h 72h

amother
OP


 

Post Thu, Jun 11 2020, 1:15 am
6 years ago we needed to leave our community due to a not being able to continue to rent the house we were in. We looked for something else there but didn't find anything we liked. So we moved away from the community "temporarily" until we could find a place IN the community. It never happened. We never went back. Not because we didn't want to, we just couldn't ever get back there for whatever reason. Money, finding a place, etc. So almost 2 years ago we found a place in a very small vacation community. We liked it well enough, it was great for our kids to be able to experience religious life, even if it wasn't as tight knit as we wanted it to be. Then my husband got sick and we couldn't stay there anymore. We were treated very poorly by people (the rabbi actually) who we thought had become our friends over this, so going back to this community is not an option. So now we live back in the same non Jewish area with toxic family members and we NEED to get out. We have to stay within a specific area due to my husband's drs and we just cannot find a place to go. There are no houses or apts that are available and that fit our budget. We did have an apt fall into our laps, because someone we knew was moving in the summer and she told me before anyone else. I talked to the landlord and she seemed keen on us living there. We were going to meet up in person to iron out details. When I called about a week later to set up a time to meet she told me she had decided to give the apt. to a friend's brother instead. Gee thanks lady. We weren't depending on having place to live or anything.
I am literally on the verge of giving up. I don't want to stop being religious but we have been alone for too many years. My kids have lost all the chances of a solid beginning to a strong Jewish life and now I don't think they will fit in even if we do find a place.
Why has Hashem put us here? I am being harassed daily by toxic family, that I NEED to get away from, we have no community to be part of and I'm so overwhelmed and exhausted from my life in general that I just don't know if I can do this anymore. I am hanging onto yiddsihkeit by a thread.

please don't tell me to talk to our Rabbi, we don't have one.
Back to top

crust




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Jun 11 2020, 1:27 am
I'm sorry you're going through so much.

Health first;
Are there similar doctors in areas that have Jewish communities? Will your husband have good care if he lives in a place like, Rochester?

(I'm just throwing out an example of a place that might have cheap housing but is also known for fantastic medical care.)
Back to top

Kiwi13




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Jun 11 2020, 2:14 am
If you're in the US, and if you are interested in Rochester, I'm happy to share what I know that might help you. I've lived here for 7 years, and LOVE LOVE LOVE it. The community is absolutely amazing, a truly special bunch of people. The Torah growth here is real and pure and there's very little focus on external trappings. Which is great for me, because I've never been stylish or "getting the memo" on that stuff.

We have very good medical care here, as was already mentioned. University of Rochester Medical Center is a top notch hospital system. It's about a 5 minute drive from the community. There is also Rochester Regional Health/Rochester General Hospital which is the other big hospital system in our area. They are also very, very good and not very far away. Maybe 15 minutes? Nothing is that far from anything else in Rochester. ;-)

From the time of your post and your use of the word "keen" I'm thinking there's a good chance you're not in the US, but I figured I'd post and say hi just in case I can help!
Back to top

Ora in town




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Jun 11 2020, 3:40 am
I don't really understand your question.
Do you mean to say that you cannot follow halacha when you do not live in the middle of a jewish community?

I just read the first volume of the Memoirs by the old Lubavitcher Rebbe Yosef Yitzhak. He seems to say the contrary.

First he says that the early movement of chassidut was a movement away from the cities. He describes that after the chmelnicky pogroms, the cities were overflowing with jewish refugees who had no proper means of living.
"as we shall see in due course, the Baal Shem tov in his role as mystic aimed to help jews to improve their material wellfare by urging them to get back to working on the land, and to undertake other manual jobs, which would make them self-supporting". (Lubavitcher Rebbe's memoirs, volume one, p 19, chapter two)

So chassidism, in its origin, was a movement away from the big jewish centers.

The rebbe in his Memoirs also speaks a lot of young men who learned quite independly, and worked at the same time.

He seems to say that you can be a good jew anywhere in the world, it is not linked to exterior conditions.

Now I understand that it is not easy for the children, and it is not easy for anyone to resist the pull of what all the other people around do.

but don't be discouraged. It is possible to follow halacha even when not in the middle of a jewish center.

I'm not chabad, I just stumbled on the Rebbe's Memoirs by coincidence... But chabad is the best example that you can be jewish anywhere... they have shluchim everywhere in the world: dharamsala, india, cuzco, peru, china...

They even set up an online school for all those children who don't have a jewish school locally. Maybe yu want to check that out?
https://www.nigrijewishonlines.....37114
Back to top

imasinger




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Jun 11 2020, 5:55 am
That is so very overwhelming, OP.

One thing piled on another, time and time again.

First of all, your DH should have a refuah shleimah.

Second, in this day and age, you don't have to be limited to a local rav. Maybe ask for names and contact information for someone elsewhere in the world who is wise, compassionate, and practical, and can help you by phone or video chat.

Third, some chizuk not to give up. Losing that deal was painful, but there will be other options. And getting away from toxic family will help everyone feel better!

Hatzlacha, I hope you find a good option soon.

And in the meantime, would you consider getting the support of short term counseling? You have some tremendous burdens, and having a reliable ear and shoulder might be a good way for you to stand stronger in the storm.
Back to top

PinkFridge




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Jun 11 2020, 8:53 am
Hugs OP. Pretend I said what Imasinger just said Smile
Back to top

amother
Pewter


 

Post Thu, Jun 11 2020, 10:46 am
Dear OP

I have no advice only to tell you I know exactly how you feel. We are also in a place where I don’t feel Yiddishkeit and spirituality.
I have also been hanging by a thread for a long time, on the verge of giving up. I have spent so long trying to find a better place for us, and I feel like so many times it’s as if HaShem keeps pushing me away, almost feels like he doesn’t want me to grow and strive for a better place spiritually. However, we are still trying and haven’t given up completely.
In this day and age, you need other frum people to connect to, nice people around you who can support you in your Judaism. Some need it more than others, but many need this support so I totally hear you and identify with you.
I guess just keep trying and something will work out for you. Try not to lose hope and have a heart to heart with HaShem and tell Him how you feel
Back to top

amother
OP


 

Post Thu, Jun 11 2020, 12:35 pm
No. What I’m saying is why would Hashem let us flounder here away from everything Jewish for years and every time we get in a position to be in a community again it’s torn away from us.

We have kept Halacha alone, traveled long distances to have kosher food and other things we need. And yet...here we still are.

It’s more than not easy for our kids. They have no connection to real Jewish life here. No school, no Shul, nothing.

And we aren't being pulled from the outside we are being pushed from the inside.

Ora in town wrote:
I don't really understand your question.
Do you mean to say that you cannot follow halacha when you do not live in the middle of a jewish community?

I just read the first volume of the Memoirs by the old Lubavitcher Rebbe Yosef Yitzhak. He seems to say the contrary.

First he says that the early movement of chassidut was a movement away from the cities. He describes that after the chmelnicky pogroms, the cities were overflowing with jewish refugees who had no proper means of living.
"as we shall see in due course, the Baal Shem tov in his role as mystic aimed to help jews to improve their material wellfare by urging them to get back to working on the land, and to undertake other manual jobs, which would make them self-supporting". (Lubavitcher Rebbe's memoirs, volume one, p 19, chapter two)

So chassidism, in its origin, was a movement away from the big jewish centers.

The rebbe in his Memoirs also speaks a lot of young men who learned quite independly, and worked at the same time.

He seems to say that you can be a good jew anywhere in the world, it is not linked to exterior conditions.

Now I understand that it is not easy for the children, and it is not easy for anyone to resist the pull of what all the other people around do.

but don't be discouraged. It is possible to follow halacha even when not in the middle of a jewish center.

I'm not chabad, I just stumbled on the Rebbe's Memoirs by coincidence... But chabad is the best example that you can be jewish anywhere... they have shluchim everywhere in the world: dharamsala, india, cuzco, peru, china...

They even set up an online school for all those children who don't have a jewish school locally. Maybe yu want to check that out?
https://www.nigrijewishonlines.....37114
Back to top

amother
OP


 

Post Thu, Jun 11 2020, 12:41 pm
I’m sorry you are in a similar position. It’s so hard to be alone. And feel like hashem isn’t helping.

I’ve davened and begged for hashem to help us get back to a community and here we are 6 years later. Still stuck. I’ve honestly ran out of things to say to hashem. I used to be so strong in my Emunah and trusted that everything HaShem did was for our growth and benefit.
But now, I don’t know. What could possibly be beneficial about being alone for many years and not having the resources to raise our children in yiddishkeit? I guess if this was some test of faith and stamina I failed. But it’s just too much. I can’t imagine not living a frum life but I also can’t live THIS life anymore.


amother [ Pewter ] wrote:
Dear OP

I have no advice only to tell you I know exactly how you feel. We are also in a place where I don’t feel Yiddishkeit and spirituality.
I have also been hanging by a thread for a long time, on the verge of giving up. I have spent so long trying to find a better place for us, and I feel like so many times it’s as if HaShem keeps pushing me away, almost feels like he doesn’t want me to grow and strive for a better place spiritually. However, we are still trying and haven’t given up completely.
In this day and age, you need other frum people to connect to, nice people around you who can support you in your Judaism. Some need it more than others, but many need this support so I totally hear you and identify with you.
I guess just keep trying and something will work out for you. Try not to lose hope and have a heart to heart with HaShem and tell Him how you feel
Back to top

amother
OP


 

Post Thu, Jun 11 2020, 12:42 pm
Ha. Thanks.

PinkFridge wrote:
Hugs OP. Pretend I said what Imasinger just said Smile
Back to top

amother
OP


 

Post Thu, Jun 11 2020, 12:43 pm
Thank you.

I honestly don’t have the time to see a therapist or anything. I work 1-1/2 hrs from home which makes me gone 12 hours a day. I don’t have the strength to do more than that daily.

imasinger wrote:
That is so very overwhelming, OP.

One thing piled on another, time and time again.

First of all, your DH should have a refuah shleimah.

Second, in this day and age, you don't have to be limited to a local rav. Maybe ask for names and contact information for someone elsewhere in the world who is wise, compassionate, and practical, and can help you by phone or video chat.

Third, some chizuk not to give up. Losing that deal was painful, but there will be other options. And getting away from toxic family will help everyone feel better!

Hatzlacha, I hope you find a good option soon.

And in the meantime, would you consider getting the support of short term counseling? You have some tremendous burdens, and having a reliable ear and shoulder might be a good way for you to stand stronger in the storm.
Back to top

amother
OP


 

Post Thu, Jun 11 2020, 12:46 pm
I don’t know if moving there is an option. His drs are familiar with his specific diagnoses which aren’t commonly diagnosed.
He’s getting great care here finally after many, many, many years of pain and not being diagnosed and we’d hate to lost that and have to start over.


crust wrote:
I'm sorry you're going through so much.

Health first;
Are there similar doctors in areas that have Jewish communities? Will your husband have good care if he lives in a place like, Rochester?

(I'm just throwing out an example of a place that might have cheap housing but is also known for fantastic medical care.)
Back to top

amother
OP


 

Post Thu, Jun 11 2020, 12:47 pm
I’m in the US. I just talk weird lol.
If that ever becomes an option I will contact you. Thanks.

Kiwi13 wrote:
If you're in the US, and if you are interested in Rochester, I'm happy to share what I know that might help you. I've lived here for 7 years, and LOVE LOVE LOVE it. The community is absolutely amazing, a truly special bunch of people. The Torah growth here is real and pure and there's very little focus on external trappings. Which is great for me, because I've never been stylish or "getting the memo" on that stuff.

We have very good medical care here, as was already mentioned. University of Rochester Medical Center is a top notch hospital system. It's about a 5 minute drive from the community. There is also Rochester Regional Health/Rochester General Hospital which is the other big hospital system in our area. They are also very, very good and not very far away. Maybe 15 minutes? Nothing is that far from anything else in Rochester. ;-)

From the time of your post and your use of the word "keen" I'm thinking there's a good chance you're not in the US, but I figured I'd post and say hi just in case I can help!
Back to top

healthymom1




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Jun 11 2020, 12:48 pm
Which part of the country do you live? Maybe someone knows of a different kind of community close by?

Which state?
Back to top

amother
OP


 

Post Thu, Jun 11 2020, 12:51 pm
We live on the east coast. There are lots of communities within a couple of hours but we are limited by my job location and my husband’s drs.

healthymom1 wrote:
Which part of the country do you live? Maybe someone knows of a different kind of community close by?

Which state?
Back to top

healthymom1




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Jun 11 2020, 12:55 pm
Even a small community like Twin Rivers its in NJ its in the middle of nothing but everything and has jews and a shul.?
Back to top

amother
OP


 

Post Thu, Jun 11 2020, 1:00 pm
I will look into it. Does the community have a website or anything? Can you tell me the names of shuls in the area? Is there an eruv?
Thanks

healthymom1 wrote:
Even a small community like Twin Rivers its in NJ its in the middle of nothing but everything and has jews and a shul.?
Back to top

amother
Lawngreen


 

Post Thu, Jun 11 2020, 1:01 pm
Just to offer you some chizuk, OP. I'm a convert. I was 25, married and already had one kid when I found Judaism. Converting to orthodoxy was not an option then. 10 yrs later and a journey for myself and my kid and my DH, we all finally did convert. For about 3 yrs prior to that, we had lived an observant life (within halacha) but far away from a frum community. We, too, had to go far for kosher food, etc. Eventually we moved and landed in the perfect spot to continue our journey, in a frum, supportive community.

Don't let the thought that the medical community has to keep you hostage where you are. Explore other options.

So, your kids don't have the Jewish schooling you dreamed of for them. Their path will look different but there is always a way.
Back to top

#BestBubby




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Jun 11 2020, 1:11 pm
Hashem is NOT pushing you off the derech!

I am sorry you are facing so many challenges. Hugs!

I don't know what Hashem's plan is, but sometimes we can see how not getting what
we wanted led us to an even better situation.

May you merit a Yeshua B'Korov!

(Maybe look into Rochester? I hear it is a wonderful AFFORDABLE community. Also heard
that Cleveland also has affordable housing and vouchers).
Back to top

crust




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Jun 11 2020, 1:12 pm
OP I can only say that I would love to help with something concrete but I don't see how that's possible with the info you shared.

I said health first but now I'm thinking- if nothing else works why not work the opposite way around?

Maybe look into a Jewish community where you will have where to work and then call Chana Briendel Landua or Shuki Berman and ask them where your husband would be able to get care somewhere around there.


This involves a lot of technicalities to coordinate but it's not impossible and I'm sure there are people that can help you.

Please know that I'm saying this from a place of really caring for you;

Hashem made other people for a reason. He wants us to ask for help from the people around us. We are not meant to walk these hardships alone.

Hugs
Back to top
Page 1 of 5 1  2  3  4  5  Next Recent Topics




Post new topic   Reply to topic    Forum -> Judaism

Related Topics Replies Last Post
I think mattresses are outdated
by amother
28 Today at 8:08 am View last post
Chasde Hashem
by amother
19 Tue, Mar 19 2024, 9:41 am View last post
[ Poll ] Anyone think this is taking 9x13 a little bit too far?
by amother
15 Thu, Mar 14 2024, 9:26 pm View last post
Special Instructor- what do you think?
by amother
5 Wed, Mar 06 2024, 11:07 pm View last post
S/O what do you think of seminary acceptances like Match
by amother
10 Tue, Mar 05 2024, 8:37 am View last post