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What stuff to buy to help her fit in to camp
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Ora in town




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Jun 17 2020, 7:19 am
shyshira wrote:
The mother (OP) is meddling in because for whatever reason - her daughter doesn't have this information, or doesn't know to ask.

The parent's role is to help her daughter fit into camp. To set her daughter up for a successful summer. That's how she chooses to parent.

Do you understand another point of view? Do you accept another point of view?

My point is:
her successful summer should not depend on the objects she possesses. I would object to her taking expensive things, since it tends to get broken or lost.. At least she should be aware of the risk...

To me as a mother, to prepare her for a successful summer, I would set other priorities. I don't believe that the success hinges on Hilfiger or not-Hilfiger shoes.

And if my daughter believed it, I would see my role as opening her eyes to those other priorities... and not to agree with her: yes, true, if you don't have Hilfiger shoes, your summer cannot be successful... Or even worse: bloggers on Imamother just told me you absolutely need hilfiger shoes for your summer to be a success. Let's go and buy Hilfiger shoes...

If she absolutely thinks she needs the Hilfiger shoes, and they are more expensive than regular shoes, I would pay for regular shoes and have her pay the difference. The point is not that I want to deprive my child.

My point is that it's not the parent's role to be the trend scouter in this fashion-fad-teenage-stuff.
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freilich




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Jun 17 2020, 7:28 am
Ora in town wrote:
I agree with you.

Some people seemed to understand that I was hinting that only frum society had fashion norms, and that I was singling out frum society.

That's not true.

I was speaking out against parents being trend-scouts for their teenagers in general, not davka only in frum society.

I understand that teenagers might have an urge for conformity sometimes, and I would not refuse my teenager an item they want just because everyone has it. I would perhaps tell them to pay for it from their own money, at least partially, or wait for a special occasion to give it to them.

At the same time, I try and teach my children that they should try to evaluate themselves the merits of a product. As it happens, my teens are/were not particularly interested in brands. My youngest even changed youth club to a less fashionista (and less religious) one, because the girlie girl attitude in the one she went to irked her. She's more into animals and farm life...

What I don't understand is a society where adults adopt this teenager mentality. On this thread, there were quite a few adults speaking like high-school students, including the bitchy vocabulary ("nerdy"), etc.... Personally, I don't think this is their role... And I have the impression that they are the ones pushing the fashion norms and also the snobbing of teens who don't conform to them...

Well, it’s true. Some people don’t grow up. Isn’t something that’s news to me, or most of us for that matter.

However, it’s not nice to harp on OP like this. Could be she’s immature, and could be she’s not. You said your piece, it’s time to move on or open a spin off.
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shyshira




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Jun 17 2020, 7:32 am
Ora in town wrote:
My point is:
her successful summer should not depend on the objects she possesses. I would object to her taking expensive things, since it tends to get broken or lost.. At least she should be aware of the risk...

To me as a mother, to prepare her for a successful summer, I would set other priorities. I don't believe that the success hinges on Hilfiger or not-Hilfiger shoes.

And if my daughter believed it, I would see my role as opening her eyes to those other priorities... and not to agree with her: yes, true, if you don't have Hilfiger shoes, your summer cannot be successful... Or even worse: bloggers on Imamother just told me you absolutely need hilfiger shoes for your summer to be a success. Let's go and buy Hilfiger shoes...

If she absolutely thinks she needs the Hilfiger shoes, and they are more expensive than regular shoes, I would pay for regular shoes and have her pay the difference. The point is not that I want to deprive my child.

My point is that it's not the parent's role to be the trend scouter in this fashion-fad-teenage-stuff.


I hear your point.

Can you hear that OP might understand her daughter's needs and the local camp culture better than you do.

Can you hear that if OP's daughter comes to camp and most of the girls have some silly toy - and hers doesn't have one it might be cause for unnecessary anguish for her.

Can you hear that OP didn't ask for anyone's opinion on how to parent her daughter?

OPs daughter didn't ask for Hilfiger.... ??
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Ora in town




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Jun 17 2020, 9:16 am
shyshira wrote:
I hear your point.

Can you hear that OP might understand her daughter's needs and the local camp culture better than you do.

Can you hear that if OP's daughter comes to camp and most of the girls have some silly toy - and hers doesn't have one it might be cause for unnecessary anguish for her.

Can you hear that OP didn't ask for anyone's opinion on how to parent her daughter?

OPs daughter didn't ask for Hilfiger.... ??


Might be that this mysterious OP just opens threads for product placement...
Now that again, an OP opened a thread about "fashionable" boy's camp wear, I start to suspect that this a way of using social media for product placement...
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shyshira




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Jun 17 2020, 9:22 am
Ora in town wrote:
Might be that this mysterious OP just opens threads for product placement...
Now that again, an OP opened a thread about "fashionable" boy's camp wear, I start to suspect that this a way of using social media for product placement...


You run with that..
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keym




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Jun 17 2020, 9:31 am
Often times it's not the brands that matter at all. It's the visual.
If all the girls are wearing long denim skirts, t-shirts, and natives the girl who wears the shorter (knee length) one piece dress and school shoes will look out of place.
Sure, a confident girl will own the look.
But a less confident girl?
And we're not saying to buy an unnecessary article of clothing. We're saying before Mom does summer camp shopping, find out basic styles- long or short, dress or skirt, long sleeve t-shirt or short sleeve with a shell, natives or Crocs or Slides.
I'm really not getting the big deal.
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