Why does having guests have to involve meals?

amother

Wed, Jun 17 2020, 3:14 pm

In general, I never like having guests for meals as it involves so much work. Reading up on all the vegetarian/food restriction and allergy threads got me thinking: why can't everyone just eat at home and then visit friends in the afternoons? I'm all for serving tea and cake and enjoying each other's company, but why entire meals, especially when so many people are picky with their food?

amother

Firebrick

Wed, Jun 17 2020, 3:26 pm

OMG yes!!!!

And if I can't or don't want to spend hours cooking, it's antisocial. One of my big gripes trying to fit into and make friends in the from community where we used to live. What if I want to make friends or have a non-lonely shabbos without being super balahbusta?

Cheiny

Wed, Jun 17 2020, 3:27 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Because that’s part of the chessed involved in the mitzvah of hachnosas orchim.

cuffs

Wed, Jun 17 2020, 3:29 pm

Because when you invite someone over to your house it's only decent to offer them something to eat

amother

Seafoam

Wed, Jun 17 2020, 3:30 pm

Cheiny wrote:

Because that’s part of the chessed involved in the mitzvah of hachnosas orchim.

Inviting over your neighbors is a lovely way to create and solidify a friendship. It's not hachnossos orchim.

amother

Floralwhite

Wed, Jun 17 2020, 3:31 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

I like preparing and eating meals with friends.

Success10

Wed, Jun 17 2020, 3:32 pm

People are just rushing rushing rushing all day. The only time they stop and sit is during a meal, so it makes sense to invite them for something they'll be doing anyway. Any weekday afternoon, no one has time to come over.

Shabbos and yontif are different, since the whole afternoon is pretty much available, but the crux of Shabbos and Yontif is the meal, and inviting people for the meal. But people also visit Shabbos afternoon not for a meal, that's for sure done as well.

amother

Forestgreen

Wed, Jun 17 2020, 3:34 pm

It's a frum thing.
My parents very often used to have friends over for coffee and cake, or they went over for coffee and cake.
I also think it's a pity that people expect hosting to include a meal.

OOTforlife

Wed, Jun 17 2020, 3:38 pm

I don't think people expect hosting to include a meal. You can invite folks over for drinks and snacks, to play basketball, or whatever you want. As long as the timing is appropriate and the invitation is clear.

But meals are a convenient time to get together and they're a focal point on Shabbos and yom tov. Even so, we often have people over to just hang out on Shabbos afternoon after lunch, or get invited to hang out.

Ora in town

Wed, Jun 17 2020, 3:42 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Thank you for that question.
I have a single friend who would like to be invited just for that: hanging out, not for meals... But people don't understand that...

amother

Floralwhite

Wed, Jun 17 2020, 3:44 pm

amother [ Forestgreen ] wrote:

It's a frum thing.
My parents very often used to have friends over for coffee and cake, or they went over for coffee and cake.
I also think it's a pity that people expect hosting to include a meal.

"hosting" isn't a thing on 'stand alone' basis.

tichellady

Wed, Jun 17 2020, 3:44 pm

You totally can just be upfront about it so people aren’t expecting a meal

amother

Ginger

Wed, Jun 17 2020, 3:46 pm

Nothing wrong with that, but then don't invite them at a meal time. If you're going to invite them at a time of day at which meals are generally eaten, then yes, a meal is expected. If you want to go lower key and just have some snacks and beverages out, invite people during not a meal time.

amother

White

Wed, Jun 17 2020, 4:05 pm

amother [ Seafoam ] wrote:

Inviting over your neighbors is a lovely way to create and solidify a friendship. It's not hachnossos orchim.

Really? Did a rabbi tell you

essie14

Wed, Jun 17 2020, 4:08 pm

I happen to love hosting Shabbat meals, but we also invite people for dessert only, or just to hang out in the afternoons when the day is long. We have friends who just have too much going on with their family to host my entire family. We go to them for dessert even without an invitation Smile

Ora in town

Wed, Jun 17 2020, 4:17 pm

Shabbes afternoon / early evening in the summer is a good time to hang out without a meal...
And then you can serve a little snack... for seuda shlishit... or not...

amother

Pumpkin

Wed, Jun 17 2020, 4:18 pm

I agree.
Some people make so much food that cannot be saved.
Salad that goes limp.
Leftover cholent which is yum to me but I read on here for many goes to waste.
Other foods which are not wasted are just eaten as unhealthy options during the week.

Dessert:
Fruit: delicious and healthy all week.
Cake and cookies, especially cookies: can be refrozen to be enjoyed at a later time. Unliked extra meats and fish, they don't present a health risk if they have sat out a few hours. Maybe not fresh enough to be served for company, but no need to be thrown out.

amother

Crimson

Wed, Jun 17 2020, 4:30 pm

Cheiny wrote:

Because that’s part of the chessed involved in the mitzvah of hachnosas orchim.

So those people who don’t enjoy cooking must miss out on the Mitzvah?