At what age do you let babies cry it out?

Teomima

Thu, Jun 18 2020, 11:57 pm

Never.
My first two we co-slept for a long time, it was the only way they'd stay calm and I could get any rest. But getting them into cribs eventually was miserable. Lots of crying on everyone's parts, but no actual cio.
By my third I was done and wanted my bed back, but she was a very needy baby. I made the most of it and got a lot of reading done on my Kindle while holding her till she was fast asleep. Not for everyone, I know, but it's what worked for me.
The next baby I lucked out. She totally hated co-sleeping anyways and I could put her down mostly asleep and she'd drift off on her own.

Frumme

Fri, Jun 19 2020, 12:01 am

I forget the exact name of the method, but what worked for us was intermittent "CIO". We did it at 8-9 months but you could probably do it at 6.

While baby is crying, go in every 5-10 minutes (whatever you're comfortable with, just keep it consistent) and do the same exact routine every time (pat on back, short song). No picking up unless it's to change a diaper etc. Try not to be exciting or turn on any lights. Then leave and repeat every 5-10 minutes until baby is asleep. This teaches them that you will always, always come back for them, but also that they can self-soothe!

It worked great for our FOMO baby. Lol. We first did Ferber and it was such a mistake. We weren't making progress and by night 4 I ended it. I know many people will say, "oh if you just stuck it out until the end it would have worked, now it was all for nothing!" But I actually read Ferber's book and he specifically says that if there is no sign at all of improvement and the crying is actually getting worse after a few nights, it's time to stop. I'm very glad we did!

amother

Bronze

Fri, Jun 19 2020, 12:01 am

I did Ferber at 8 months. He doesn't recommend earlier than 7. By the third day, baby was sleep trained. Allowing my baby to learn to self sooth was a great gift, both for me and baby.

You don't let baby cry forever. It's 3 minutes, then 5 minutes, then 5 minutes again etc., each day giving slightly longer stretches. DO NOT CONTINUE IF YOU DON'T SEE IMPROVEMENT AFTER 3-5 DAYS. It doesn't work for every kid.

amother

Fuchsia

Fri, Jun 19 2020, 12:13 am

I regret doing CIO with my first. She was colicky and I was young and dumb. My mother always did it so I thought it was perfectly normal.
I wanna kick myself for how cold hearted I was. I’ll never know if her anxiety and fear of being alone stem from that, but thinking of her alone in that dark room makes me so sad.

amother

Brunette

Fri, Jun 19 2020, 12:18 am

Frumme wrote:

We basically did this. Not following any specific method, it just made sense to me.

amother

Tan

Fri, Jun 19 2020, 12:25 am

Frumme wrote:

This is insane.
Do you know how long 5 minutes is for a baby?
Never mind 10!
And never mind a little baby who doesn’t understand yet.

This is cruel.
1-2 min AT MOST!

amother

Denim

Fri, Jun 19 2020, 12:28 am

It’s very difficult for mothers who did CIO to admit that it’s wrong. It’s devastating. Also a friend once told when (she had three children) that she knew it was wrong but she can’t change and she kept doing it with her other two children.

amother

Tan

Fri, Jun 19 2020, 12:35 am

amother [ Denim ] wrote:

It’s a convenient and lazy way.
Just close the door and tune out of their cries. So easy for busy mom...

Kiwi13

Fri, Jun 19 2020, 12:44 am

amother [ Tan ] wrote:

It’s a convenient and lazy way.
Just close the door and tune out of their cries. So easy for busy mom...

I don't know about you, but NOTHING was ever easy when my babies were crying. I felt like I was being torn apart when they cried. I doubt most mothers choose CIO out of laziness.

ShishKabob

Fri, Jun 19 2020, 12:51 am

Honestly, it only had to do with how exhausted I was that I was unable to take care of them or didn't hear them due to exhaustion. It was never a 'shitah' or concious decision. I don't beleive in letting babies cry it out or self soothe or whatever you want to call it.

crust

Fri, Jun 19 2020, 12:51 am

amother [ Brown ] wrote:

Op don't believe most of the anti cio posts here.

I did cio at 4-5 Mos and it was the best thing ever. The kids learned to put themselves to sleep within 4 days and were STTN by 7 mos.

If you count total crying time of cio (3 nights of 30-45 min) vs total crying time of other methods or not training them at all, cio results in the least amount of crying and fewest sleepless nights. Sleepy baby = happy mommy.

Read Weissbluth's book. Forgot what it's called but will totally calm you down about cio. It's not making a baby cry. It's letting them. And teaching them.

If you're a mom who needs to sleep, not using this method is cruel to yourself. There is zero evidence of trauma to the baby or to the attachment relationship per the book.

If you knew that this method originated in some Kloster, would you still say don't believe the anti CIOs?

lucky14

Fri, Jun 19 2020, 1:22 am

Modified version at 6 months where I held her hand all night long while she cried (I couldn't hold her all night long which is what she wanted. I couldn't function on zero hours of sleep. I'm human). Then again at around 7 or 8 months (she got sick and I held her for a week or so until she was all better and then of course she didn't want to go back to sleeping in her own crib). I had my method of doing it. I didn't just put her to sleep for the night and leave for forever. I went back in a couple of times and gave her a quick pat and told her it was time to sleep. I'm not a monster. I do NOT think she is traumatized. I think she had a couple of bad nights and she's fine. She wakes up and cries at night now and I always go put her pacifier back in her mouth or give her a pat on the back and she goes back to sleep. She acts the same with me during the day as she always has. I never noticed any change with that. I think it depends on the baby and mother. Obviously from the comments here some mothers will do anything and everything for their babies. Or maybe this is just one area where they feel very passionate about. I stand my ground that I am not a monster.

trixx

Fri, Jun 19 2020, 1:25 am

amother [ Brown ] wrote:

All these bragging posts, I did baby whisperer from day one, baby slept through night without a dream feed (12h straight) BEFORE 7 months.

Don't make like CIO is the be-all, end-all when there are perfectly valid, more gentle things to try first.

lucky14

Fri, Jun 19 2020, 1:28 am

amother [ Denim ] wrote:

Your opinion but don't say it like people who choose to let their babies cry themselves to sleep are doing something they know is wrong but doing it anyway. There is nothing for me to "admit" to doing. I feel bad for her that she was so sad. I wasn't able to keep up with what she wanted though. She is FINE now. She was crying a few minutes ago and I went in and rubbed her back for a few seconds and she fell back asleep. She still knows if she cries at night I come running. But she's able to sleep in her own bed now which I personally feel is the safest place for her. Co-sleeping is a whole different topic and while others feel strongly that it is the way to go it scares me personally.

lucky14

Fri, Jun 19 2020, 1:33 am

trixx wrote:

Some of us did try other things first.

amother

Orange

Fri, Jun 19 2020, 1:33 am

CIO is really cruel and cold hearted. It’s not rocket science to understand how it will traumatize babies. Please don’t to it your baby; there are much better ways out there. Read the “ No cry to sleep solution” by Elizabeth Pantley. It’s an excellent book.
As an aside I don’t think Ferber is that great either, didn’t he say he regrets his own method or something like that?? Any one know what I’m referring to?
Hope you get some sleep!

amother

Orange

Fri, Jun 19 2020, 1:36 am

amother [ Fuchsia ] wrote:

I also did cry it out with my first as per all the yentas on the block telling me to do it. I have major regrets now. I would never do it again and I believe it’s cruel and heartless parenting.

amother

Tan

Fri, Jun 19 2020, 1:58 am

Kiwi13 wrote:

I don't know about you, but NOTHING was ever easy when my babies were crying. I felt like I was being torn apart when they cried. I doubt most mothers choose CIO out of laziness.

I knew that response would follow...