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Forum -> Inquiries & Offers -> Israel related Inquiries & Aliyah Questions

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View latest: 24h 48h 72h

amother

cornflower

Mon, Jul 06 2020, 7:18 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

This is what I worry about. I'm not worried as much about my kids. They are still young and they will adapt quickly to the new environment. They would react the same way if I told them we are moving our of NYC to a new neighborhood because they are used to their school and has been in the same school for 4 years.
My husband, in the other hand, might not get used to the new environment. I know he loves me and the kids and will do everything to keep the house happy, but I'm worried that I'm "forcing him". Today he told me that he will support me with "Plan A (to move to Israel)" and help out. But then he said that he can't think of any good things that Israel has! That made me mad because first he told me he is into the idea of moving to Israel, but then he is complaining that he can't see anything good in Israel ?! I can't move with a negative attitude. I know it's different for him, but I also know that we can make it work with a positive attitude. I grew up in Israel, I'm not trying to be selfish, I'm thinking about the kids and what's best for them and I really feel like over here they won't have the same childhood like what I had in Israel. It's not the same. But if it won't work out, of course I'll have to make it work over here, even though I always felt like the USA was my second home, not my first.

It sounds like he wants you to be happy, but doesn't want to live in Israel.

DH does see some of the good things about living in Israel but sometimes he gets upset and says there is nothing good about living here. And our eldest DC is already of the age to have opinions, and starts talking about how awful America is (LOL, DC hasn't lived in America) and how good Israel is...it's not pretty.

A large part of it is the culture difference, especially the "don't be a frier" mindset. Of course we can make it work with a positive attitude and so can you, but you can't deny (and neither can I) that some people do have a positive attitude and their kids' education still suffers because they are in Israel. I don't want to get into details here. Suffice it to say that a positive attitude is really difficult if you feel forced to live somewhere you don't want in order to make your spouse happy. And eventually it will get to you, too, even if right now you love Israel and want to be here, living with someone who doesn't love Israel is going to impact how you see things and how you feel about being here as well.

The biggest issue is that regardless of where you live, one of you won't be happy. I don't have a solution for that, unfortunately.

If you make an imamother email address I'll be happy to talk to you more about this.

amother

Mon, Jul 06 2020, 7:43 am

Success10 wrote:

Why do you think the kids will have a better childhood in Israel? Why is it so important to you that the kids have "the same childhood like what you had in Israel"?

In an OOT community in America, there is amazing quality of life, trees, grass and low crime rates. None of the big city pressure to keep up with the gashmiyus.

I live in Israel, I love it, trust me I know all it has to offer, but I just want to understand what you think your kids are missing, and if you might just be pushing on to them something that's not really in their best interest.

Kids in Israel are more “free”. I know there are also safety issues in israel but over there I wouldn’t worry as much if my kids walk home alone from school and cross the streets. Yes, there are nice quiet OOT communities in America but then you hear of missing kids and all kind of scary stories because this country is huge with so many people (and many crazy ones). I’ll always be concerned about assimilation even though we’re trying our best to raise them well at home as good Jewish Kids and pay for yeshivas.

amother

Mon, Jul 06 2020, 7:44 am

amother [ cornflower ] wrote:

When did you make Aliyah?

amother

cornflower

Mon, Jul 06 2020, 7:47 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

When did you make Aliyah?

A while ago.

Will email you IYH later this afternoon.

banana123

Mon, Jul 06 2020, 7:49 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

This is true....

But statistically I think even in America most kidnappings are by someone the child knows and trusts, usually a family member.

I don't let my kids cross the street alone. Not even at age 9, like B'terem says is okay. Drivers here are nutcases. Israel's road accident rates are horrifically high. (Not saying you shouldn't make aliya. But please please please don't let your kids cross the street alone.)

amother

Orchid

Mon, Jul 06 2020, 8:06 am

I would try first, as you are doing, to prioritize the issues and clarify by thinking.
The best thing for kids is a happy home and marriage and shalom bayis and happy healthy parents IY"H.
As much as I don't think this always work or is the best approach for most, given your husband's reluctance and unfamiliarity with Israel perhaps you want to take a year sabbatical there. Yes theres risk giving up jobs and apartment but maybe in your case it makes sense even though it usually takes more time to adjust successfully. Would this appeal to your husband?
Some things may have changed since your childhood or would be experienced differently by you as the parent.
Are you close with your sister? Would you want to live near her?
I am a big proponent of aliyah; however, best when both parents are heavily invested in making it work and are clear about the advantages practical and otherwise and keep up positive attitudes. And present that positive united front for the kids.
hugs and hatzlocha

ora_43

Mon, Jul 06 2020, 8:38 am

banana123 wrote:

I disagree with this. Yes, the accident rates are high. But how many of those are people over age 8 hit and killed in a crosswalk, while crossing carefully and legally? It's not that it never happens, but it's rare. I would definitely let a 9-year-old cross the street, it gives them so much more freedom.

I'm not saying your choice is wrong, just giving OP a different perspective.

(and of course location also matters here - how big is the street, how bad is the intersection)

Rappel

Mon, Jul 06 2020, 8:46 am

ora_43 wrote:

Btw, Israel actually has a really low car-mortality rate. About 1/3 that of the USA, per capita.

banana123

Mon, Jul 06 2020, 8:46 am

ora_43 wrote:

Your parentheses are the key. A lot depends on location. But let's say Jerusalem or Tel Aviv, no way.

Oh, also you have the electric scooter problem, which is a big problem.

And crossing on Shabbat is different than crossing during the week (on Shabbat, unless your neighborhood is blocked to cars, cars think they have free reign).

banana123

Mon, Jul 06 2020, 8:47 am

Rappel wrote:

Btw, Israel actually has a really low car-mortality rate. About 1/3 that of the USA, per capita.

Better to compare to a given location in the USA, instead of the country as a whole.

Success10

Mon, Jul 06 2020, 8:51 am

Some areas of Israel are safer than others, and yes, the kids are pretty free here, but there are pedophiles and terrorists out there and it's not a utopia. I think I was actually safer running around and riding my bike in my small, upscale suburb I grew up in.

amother

Mon, Jul 06 2020, 9:01 am

I get it, I know israel isn’t perfect and it probably changed since I grew up over there, but I’ll always feel like the US is my temporary home. I came to the US being “forced” as a teenager because of my parents and then they moved back to israel after retiring pressuring me to come back as well 🙄. I’m definitely confused and depressed as a result.

This article sounds like what I’m going through. If I still feel that my husband isn’t into the Aliyah idea, I’ll probably end up like her.
https://forward.com/just-marri.....rael/

banana123

Mon, Jul 06 2020, 9:12 am

Success10 wrote:

You mean, where suing a pedophile actually did something, and you were allowed to warn others without worrying that he would sue you?

Success10

Mon, Jul 06 2020, 9:41 am

banana123 wrote:

You mean, where suing a pedophile actually did something, and you were allowed to warn others without worrying that he would sue you?

I'm not sure what I mean, but I'm pretty sure that's not it. Although now that I think about it, I'm sure there were pedos in suburban Long Island as well, I just didn't know it.

banana123

Mon, Jul 06 2020, 9:48 am

Success10 wrote:

I'm not sure what I mean, but I'm pretty sure that's not it. Although now that I think about it, I'm sure there were pedos in suburban Long Island as well, I just didn't know it.

In Israel pedophiles have lots of rights and are very protected. I was writing tongue-in-cheek.

Success10

Mon, Jul 06 2020, 9:50 am

banana123 wrote:

In Israel pedophiles have lots of rights and are very protected. I was writing tongue-in-cheek.

I've heard it's hard to get them locked up here. But I do think people can get falsely accused and their whole lives destroyed because someone was seeking revenge and spread rumors, so I think it's good that people are innocent until proven guilty. It's not an easy topic, I understand both sides of the issue.

banana123

Mon, Jul 06 2020, 10:10 am

Success10 wrote:

How about a Level 3 registered sx offender whose name you are not allowed to mention because if you do he will send his lawyer after you? You are not even allowed to warn parents in his new hometown of who he is and what his history is, so that they can protect their children.

I am the first person in line to prosecute false accusers, but the way Israel handles pedophiles is just horrific.

(Great, this thread is visible to the public. Now is he going to look up my IP and come after me? Let's hope not...)

imasoftov

Mon, Jul 06 2020, 10:43 am

banana123 wrote:

(Great, this thread is visible to the public. Now is he going to look up my IP and come after me? Let's hope not...)

Your IP address is not visible to anyone but Yael.

Success10

Mon, Jul 06 2020, 11:00 am

banana123 wrote:

Sorry for what you've been through. I hope your kid got the help he needs. Hashem's ways are hidden, but life is not fair sometimes.

banana123

Mon, Jul 06 2020, 11:05 am

Success10 wrote:

Sorry for what you've been through. I hope your kid got the help he needs. Hashem's ways are hidden, but life is not fair sometimes.

BH BH not my kid, and I hope it never is my kid.

I've followed Rabbi Yakov Horowitz for years already, and he doesn't warn about anyone who isn't a real threat. The particular sx offender I'm referring to is well-known, but he is just a symptom of the systematic problem Israel has dealing with him and his ilk.

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