Want to make Aliyah but scared

shabbatiscoming

Mon, Jul 06 2020, 11:14 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

I get it, I know israel isn’t perfect and it probably changed since I grew up over there, but I’ll always feel like the US is my temporary home. I came to the US being “forced” as a teenager because of my parents and then they moved back to israel after retiring pressuring me to come back as well 🙄. I’m definitely confused and depressed as a result.

This article sounds like what I’m going through. If I still feel that my husband isn’t into the Aliyah idea, I’ll probably end up like her.
https://forward.com/just-marri.....rael/

I didnt read the article, but if one spouse is not into making aliyah, it is not a good idea to force it. It will backfire in a bad way. Hugs.

imasoftov

Mon, Jul 06 2020, 11:50 am

So I did a search here for Yona Weinberg and found three threads that mention him as an abuser.

In today's NYTimes - Shunning Victims, Supporting Abusers

... Yona Weinberg, a bar mitzvah tutor and licensed social worker from Flatbush who had been convicted of molesting two boys under age 14.

Convicted S-ex Offender Yona Weinberg

Convicted relations offender Yona Weinberg has moved from his place of residence in Har Noff, Jerusalem. He is now believed to be residing in the Ashdod area in Israel.

S-xual Predator Living in Har Nof

... Yona Weinberg, a registered relations offender from the US now living in Har Nof.

banana123

Mon, Jul 06 2020, 11:52 am

imasoftov wrote:

Nice sleuthing. Smile

Success10

Mon, Jul 06 2020, 12:33 pm

amother [ Azure ] wrote:

This thread has gone way off topic. If you want to talk about paedos do a spin off.....

Yes, Azure is right. But our tangent did prove our point: Israel is not necessarily safer than the US. It is an amazing place to raise children, but there are risks everywhere.

amother

Mon, Jul 06 2020, 1:12 pm

Success10 wrote:

Yes, Azure is right. But our tangent did prove our point: Israel is not necessarily safer than the US. It is an amazing place to raise children, but there are risks everywhere.

Yea, I know there are bad people everywhere, including in Israel, unfortunately. I’m aware of that.

Here’s a good thing I find about israel... it’s not hard to find a shul, my husband would wake up early morning and would just walk to shul and there are so many shuls! Over here I have to really dig deep to find a Jewish community (if we want to live out of NYC, OOT). And again, yeshiva tuition will always be a problem.

My husband is still saying we should try plan A and see if we can move or not.

Success10

Mon, Jul 06 2020, 1:20 pm

Did we ever write up a budget for you, just for you to get an idea if you'd be able to cover your monthly living expenses? How many kids do you have? Do any have any special needs or need special therapies? Any other extra expenses we might need to know about? You've mentioned that you would need a car.

amother

Mon, Jul 06 2020, 2:16 pm

Success10 wrote:

That would be extremely helpful!!! I know I also have to do my own research.
I have 3 kids. One is currently receiving speech at school but I think he is much better so don’t think he will need much services. One has selective mutism. He has this anxiety to speak to teachers and friends at a school environment. He has been working with a therapist and is getting better but I’ll always have to work with him and a therapist every year... every time he gets new teachers or if we even move him to a new school. The youngest isn’t getting any services yet, still young.

Most likely will not take our Honda Odyssey so we will need to purchase a car in israel ... maybe second hand one.

We would need to buy appliances and some furniture in israel. We currently live in a small apartment but we have stuff to take... so yea... there’s the expensive lift.

banana123

Mon, Jul 06 2020, 2:20 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

If he needs speech therapy he has a high chance of needing speech therapy in Israel, if only to help him learn the language.

shabbatiscoming

Mon, Jul 06 2020, 4:04 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

How old is your child with selective mutism? Thats a very hard one. And I think you should find out if he will be able to get the services he will need to succeed.
I worked in a gan with a boy who was selectively mute. It was very sad. But the parents were very on top of it and by the end of the year, he was still not talking to any of the kids but was saying a sentence here and there to all of us ganenot.

Buying appliances and beds and tables and chairs and bookshelves will obviously be costly, unless you bring most of your things. You will have to pay for a lift then, so it just depends which you would rather do.

heidi

Mon, Jul 06 2020, 4:17 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

I think this was said upthread, but children who need services in their native tongue will need double or triple services here.
OP, it's not just your husband's reluctance that's an issue. Selective mutism stems from anxiety.
Aliyah is a really hard transition (different language, different social norms, different environment) for a regular kid. It seems really unfair to do that to a kid with such major anxiety issues.

amother

Mon, Jul 06 2020, 4:23 pm

shabbatiscoming wrote:

He is 7 years old, going to 3rd grade.
I’m pretty sure israel won’t have the therapy he needs because even for here it was very hard for me to find him the right therapy. I ended up paying thousands of dollars for a special selective mutism camp... it was a one week intensive camp for him and also the parents were trained. I met parents that came from different countries just for that summer camp! A few were from the U.K., it is a therapy that started over here so I doubt israel has that. However, it was just one week and since then, I’ve been working with his teachers with all that I’ve learned. He didn’t speak to anyone at school for 2 years... until he started first grade (after the intensive therapy).
He isn’t getting that therapy anymore, he is getting services from the district, which I had to train his counselor as well. Not too many people know how to handle it.

Of course there are those people that I know (like my mom) who thinks he will overcome it alone and he’ll do great in israel because he already speaks Hebrew. But I know it’s not a language issue.

Anyway, even if we end up not going to Israel, we have to move and he will have to go to a new school one day and then I’ll have to work with a new school.

amother

Blonde

Mon, Jul 06 2020, 4:23 pm

heidi wrote:

Deleted

amother

Blonde

Mon, Jul 06 2020, 4:25 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

But it will be in English.
In the same" type of place"
Not in a new contry!!

amother

Orchid

Mon, Jul 06 2020, 4:34 pm

Im so sorry Op you are really in a tough spot.

As I said I am a real proponent of aliyah and think its the best place on Earth.

That said, between your husband and your child with selective mutism (not blaming anyone for anything just sending mega hugs) I wonder if its possible you are conflating your understandable wish to live in E"Y with your issues with your mother and more....and I would take her out of the picture and tell her while you fully understand you don't want her to weigh in on it anymore as it is up to you and your husband.

While I understand the time line and urgency, decisions are best made in the present moment based on reality as it is now.

I know what its like when contemplating a move and then thinking so we will just do the "big" move. But sometimes the path is a bit more detoured than that.

I feel for you. Take some quiet time close your eyes and picture and feel what the choices might be like. I would have a real hesitation taking a child with an issue like selective mutism to a new country unless I was assured they had some stellar program and even then I would proceed with much caution. Big changes for any kid.

Hatzlocha