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amother




OP
 

Post  Sun, Jun 21 2020, 9:43 am
I'm at a bit of a crossroads and I'm trying to decide what to do - any and all advice would be appreciated!

I had worked in offices when I was a girl and then for a few years after I was married, but eventually I stopped and worked on and off from home (babysitting, playgroup assistant, things like that). When my youngest started school I went back to work and it's been a rocky road so far, to say the least.

I had updated my skills (I learned Quickbooks and Excel and I knew accounting and programming previously), and looked for a part time job to work around my kids school hours. I got one, but quickly learned that employers sometimes expect full time work in part time hours (ouch), plus the flexibility I had thought I would get by working part time was not there on the level that worked for me (I did not get off for things like doctor's appointments for kids because I had committed to the hours). FTR, by part time I meant 20 to 25 hours a week, sometimes more if I had to finish things.

I also felt - and I'm wondering if I'm being over sensitive or this is the reality - that employers do not take middle aged women seriously. At least where I worked. I worked at two different jobs, and the above - both that the hours were not flexible enough and I was not taken seriously - was my reality both times.

I took off some time now (with Covid and my kids being home as an excuse) and am using this time now to reassess somewhat. I'm trying to decide if I should continue looking for a part time job that will work better for me, or should I just give up and look for full time.

Pros of working full time - benefits, PTO, more opportunity to advance, presumably being taken more seriously. Cons of working full time - pretty much the obvious ones - less time at home, less time for kids, less time for grandkids, not enough time/energy to clean my house properly, less time for hobbies and cooking.... less time to be me.

Financially, we can squeak by with me working a part time job, but more money will enable us to live a drop more comfortably (more money for cleaning help, being able to put away money - which we're not doing right now, more money for emergencies). Right now we are living paycheck to paycheck - which is really ok for me emotionally if it becomes a tossup between falling apart from a super stressful job or falling apart from financial pressures - I would prefer living more simply to living a very stressful life.

Again, any advice or ideas or just anything at all (chizuk would also be greatly appreciated) welcome!!!
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thunderstorm




 
 
 
 

Post  Sun, Jun 21 2020, 9:46 am
What do you mean that the employers don’t take you seriously?
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amother




OP
 

Post  Sun, Jun 21 2020, 9:50 am
thunderstorm wrote:
What do you mean that the employers don’t take you seriously?


I overheard my boss saying something like - I'll give this to the women to do because I can't be bothered. Or he'll say things like - you can't do this it's too complicated, I'll take care of it (I have a programming background plus I'm probably more capable than him). Or he'll say - here do this (very simple task) and I'll do the rest. Oh, and let me explain to you how I'll do it...

To be fair, I have so far worked in two offices and have had different experiences in each. My first boss did take me seriously and the work was better but in general, I'm not finding a high level of respect towards women by either boss. People have told me that this was because I was working for tiny companies, in a larger company people would be more professional.

Another reason, maybe, to look for a full time job in a large company.

ETA: I also mean professionally. Like if you're working part time, they'll see you more as a Mommy who happens to be working than a professional worker. I'm not sure if I'm overthinking this...
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thunderstorm




 
 
 
 

Post  Sun, Jun 21 2020, 9:56 am
I do agree that working for a larger company you will have more professionalism. But know that once you go to the more professional and corporate type of environment you will have less flexibility in terms of home life and your kids. You won’t be able to leave early, come late , have appointments etc in the middle of the work day.
You need to decide what’s more important to you now.

At a time when I needed the flexibility I preferred working for employers that weren’t too professional. They didn’t bat an eyelash when I needed to take off here and there for simchos, sick kids etc.

But now I’m in a larger corporation and they won’t care about my personal life or issues and are not flexible. Yet , I don’t need it as much now and I prefer this type of set up now.

You need to really know what is most important to you right now and base your decision off of that.
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amother




OP
 

Post  Sun, Jun 21 2020, 10:03 am
thunderstorm wrote:
I do agree that working for a larger company you will have more professionalism. But know that once you go to the more professional and corporate type of environment you will have less flexibility in terms of home life and your kids. You won’t be able to leave early, come late , have appointments etc in the middle of the work day.
You need to decide what’s more important to you now.

At a time when I needed the flexibility I preferred working for employers that weren’t too professional. They didn’t bat an eyelash when I needed to take off here and there for simchos, sick kids etc.

But now I’m on a larger corporation and they won’t care about my personal life or issues and are not flexible. Yet , I don’t need it as much now and I prefer this type of set up now.

You need to really know what is most important to you right now and base your decision off of that.


That was my issue - that I thought I would have more time off but I didn't. They made a huge deal if I had to take a day off to take the kids to the doctor, for example. My current boss actually gave me a whole speech recently how he's being so nice to me, especially as with Covid he's letting me work at home - hello? EVERYONE is working at home now - are you for real? Never mind that I was ALWAYS available and I worked crazy hours - like at night - if he had an emergency that came up. When I worked in a larger company, many years ago, I was able to take time off for personal reasons - we had a certain amount of sick/personal days a year.

Anyway, I was so turned off by the whole experience and I'd almost rather by on food stamps than have to deal with the way I was treated at work.

Sorry, I'm going to clarify more - both bosses were somewhat abusive/difficult in different ways. I discussed this with people who know them/me and they agreed that they were. I have spoken to other older women who went back to the workforce and they told me they experienced the same thing. For some reason these young male bosses just don't see older women as being real people?
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watergirl




 
 
 
 

Post  Sun, Jun 21 2020, 10:12 am
Are you working only in heimish offices?
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amother




OP
 

Post  Sun, Jun 21 2020, 10:13 am
watergirl wrote:
Are you working only in heimish offices?


So far, yes. I live in one of the heimish/frum areas....
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amother




Linen
 

Post  Sun, Jun 21 2020, 10:16 am
If you work for a big company full time then it’s supposed to be less personal. Like, the money isn’t coming out of your boss’s pocket, so they are more understanding about doctor appointment and that stuff. Also my full time jobs have let me work from home on Friday even before Covid. Personally I prefer working full time in big companies. There are a lot of benefits like 401k matching which USB important if you are middle aged.
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amother




Salmon
 

Post  Sun, Jun 21 2020, 10:26 am
Negotiate days off. Even if it means not getting paid for those days off. It's just not doable to work without that.

On another note, we try to set appointments early morning so I just come a little late and I don't have to tell anybody anything about my personal life. Or I set appointments for after 3/4pm when my part-time day is over - most doctor's offices have one night they're open later.
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amother




OP
 

Post  Sun, Jun 21 2020, 10:32 am
amother [ Salmon ] wrote:
Negotiate days off. Even if it means not getting paid for those days off. It's just not doable to work without that.

On another note, we try to set appointments early morning so I just come a little late and I don't have to tell anybody anything about my personal life. Or I set appointments for after 3/4pm when my part-time day is over - most doctor's offices have one night they're open later.


Thanks.

So I'm going to clarify my original question (I think I rambled off too much and it's not so clear) - I'm wondering if I should continue looking for another part time job or should I just bite the bullet and look for a full time job?

Pros of full time: more professionalism (maybe), more opportunity to advance, more money, a lunch hour. Cons - the obvious ones.

What would you do?
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amother




Salmon
 

Post  Sun, Jun 21 2020, 10:34 am
amother [ OP ] wrote:
Thanks.

So I'm going to clarify my original question (I think I rambled off too much and it's not so clear) - I'm wondering if I should continue looking for another part time job or should I just bite the bullet and look for a full time job?

Pros of full time: more professionalism (maybe), more opportunity to advance, more money, a lunch hour. Cons - the obvious ones.

What would you do?

I've been keeping part time as long as I can for our sanity.
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amother




OP
 

Post  Sun, Jun 21 2020, 10:37 am
amother [ Salmon ] wrote:
I've been keeping part time as long as I can for our sanity.


Do you find it hard not to have a lunch hour, or no paid time off, and does it not bother you that there's no opportunity for advancement?
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amother




Salmon
 

Post  Sun, Jun 21 2020, 10:42 am
amother [ OP ] wrote:
Do you find it hard not to have a lunch hour, or no paid time off, and does it not bother you that there's no opportunity for advancement?

If I couldn't advance at all and the kids were old enough not to need child care I'd go for full time.
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amother




OP
 

Post  Sun, Jun 21 2020, 10:48 am
amother [ Salmon ] wrote:
If I couldn't advance at all and the kids were old enough not to need child care I'd go for full time.


How old would that be? My youngest is already in school.

Would you really go for full time?

Will it bother me that I'm a working Bubby as opposed to a Bubby who has time for hosting/grandkids, etc? I'm not even sure how this whole grandchildren thing works (neither my parents or in-laws were available to help us when we had our children).
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amother




Lawngreen
 

Post  Sun, Jun 21 2020, 10:52 am
Sundays
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amother




Taupe
 

Post  Sun, Jun 21 2020, 11:12 am
I work part time (still have young kids) and I get paid time off (two weeks in the summer and all yomim tovim) also boss is very flexible about an appointment or something as long as I make sure my work gets done. I try not to take advantage tho.
Definitely no opportunity for advancing but for me thats ok for now.
Is it possible for you to find a different part time job with more flexibility?
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amother




Salmon
 

Post  Sun, Jun 21 2020, 11:13 am
amother [ OP ] wrote:
How old would that be? My youngest is already in school.

Would you really go for full time?

Will it bother me that I'm a working Bubby as opposed to a Bubby who has time for hosting/grandkids, etc? I'm not even sure how this whole grandchildren thing works (neither my parents or in-laws were available to help us when we had our children).
6th grade when youngest can go home alone until mom gets there?
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amother




OP
 

Post  Sun, Jun 21 2020, 11:22 am
amother [ Salmon ] wrote:
6th grade when youngest can go home alone until mom gets there?


I hear you.

She can go to a neighbor or I can hire someone to be with her until I get home...

Is it wrong to do this if I don't ABSOLUTELY need the money to survive?
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amother




OP
 

Post  Sun, Jun 21 2020, 11:24 am
amother [ Taupe ] wrote:
I work part time (still have young kids) and I get paid time off (two weeks in the summer and all yomim tovim) also boss is very flexible about an appointment or something as long as I make sure my work gets done. I try not to take advantage tho.
Definitely no opportunity for advancing but for me thats ok for now.
Is it possible for you to find a different part time job with more flexibility?


Interesting. Thanks for telling me that, it's good to know that even part time jobs can give PTO and be flexible.

How many hours would you consider part time?
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amother




Coral
 

Post  Sun, Jun 21 2020, 11:30 am
amother [ OP ] wrote:
I hear you.

She can go to a neighbor or I can hire someone to be with her until I get home...

Is it wrong to do this if I don't ABSOLUTELY need the money to survive?


It sounds like you want to try working full time. I think you should go for it. It sounds like you could use the money, you don't have to only make the minimum amount necessary for survival. Unless your daughter will be very hurt and resentful by your being out extra hours.
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