Do I have to tell them I'm pregnant?

amother

Mon, Jun 22 2020, 8:42 pm

I have an offer for an administrative position.
I also just found out I'm pregnant which means I will have a maternity leave a few months into starting it.
I'm not announcing or showing, so I don't want to inform them. And I also know that legally I do not have to. But I kind of feel that maybe they should know upfront.
What do you think?

amother

Seafoam

Mon, Jun 22 2020, 8:53 pm

I think around 18-20 weeks would be my deciding line.
If you're going to have to tell them within a week of starting it's less awkward to say now. If you just found out you may only be a few weeks along, you have time to tell them in a few months.

amother

Silver

Mon, Jun 22 2020, 8:57 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

If you don’t want to risk losing the position, perhaps start and wait for the first few weeks so pass.
So that they can’t legally let you go.
If you tell them prior “something may come up” and they may not need you for the position anymore

amother

Honeydew

Mon, Jun 22 2020, 9:14 pm

if it's a jewish business, you prob should tell them. Most likely, they'll give you the promotion anyway cuz it's yashrus and it will give you points in their trust system. If it's a non-Jewish company, you cant trust that they'll for sure give it to you anyway so don't bother saying.

Rappel

Wed, Jun 24 2020, 12:27 am

If you're still in the usual range of child-bearing years, then there is no reason for them to not think you're going to have a kid within the next year or two. So they've already factored that in when they picked you. I don't think you should bring it up - just be the best manager they have ever had, and enjoy!

singleagain

Wed, Jun 24 2020, 4:45 am

My mother told me a story once about when she was interviewing.

She had two interviews. One was obviously pregnant and when my mother asked about the 18-month commitment she needed. This applicant very nonchalantly said "yeah yeah not a problem" and didn't mention the fact that she was pregnant. When my mother asked the second applicant, who did not look pregnant, about the 18-month commitment, the second applicant said "I have to tell you I am expecting but I do plan on coming back to work right after the 6 weeks whatever"

The second applicant got the job. My mom says it was more to do with the attitude they had versus the actual pregnancy.

amother

Cyan

Wed, Jun 24 2020, 4:50 am

Well, I had the opposite. Applied for a job was going really well. They basically told me they were offering me the job. I told them I was pregnant. Then they decided not to hire me.

I can't tell you it was because I was pregnant but it certainly was very suspicious.

amother

Blush

Wed, Jun 24 2020, 5:11 am

When I was still in shana rishona someone wanted me to hire me for a part-time job. He was a very frum man. I could not believe that he asked me if I can commit for, I believe he said six months or a year without getting pregnant. I was shocked, though did not show it to him. I was on bc for other reasons then but the fact that he asked such a thing of me (and I was not sure I would stay on bc for a year anyway) completely spoiled it between us and I politely declined.
I mean it's one thing to hint things and a very different thing to ask of someone. Was not even sure it was ok halachically.

amother

Wed, Jun 24 2020, 5:16 am

amother [ Blush ] wrote:

I know ppl who hire single girls for the year on condition they don't get engaged.

If I wasn't already pregnant maybe I would have been on bc not bc of the job, but bc my whole life would be more challenging, now its obviously too late and im just not sure. I think im up for having a newborn and returning to work at 6 weeks (its not my first), I know it will be a pain but im really capable of this role.

singleagain

Wed, Jun 24 2020, 5:20 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

I think an important question is. How far into your job will you be when you have to take off? If you'll be at your job 6 months, that's quite different from being there less than.

And if as you say you intended to come back. Make it clear. That you will be coming back.

Frumme

Wed, Jun 24 2020, 5:25 am

amother [ Honeydew ] wrote:

Not always true, unfortunately. Like the above poster, I had a nice part time remote job lined up with a frum company and then the boss started asking me about if I have any children at home, who was going to be watching them while I was working, if I was pregnant/planning on getting pregnant, etc. I get that he was concerned that I might not be able to do the job well because of distractions and he was still very miffed that his "great previous girl" had decided to stop working because she wanted to focus on her kids. But it was still very inappropriate and made me feel uncomfortable.

Anyway, I was young and stupid at the time and didn't realize what he was asking is actually discriminatory and illegal to ask. Legally, it's my responsibility to worry about things like childcare. I thought because it was a frum man he would be more understanding or flexible, but it was the opposite... He never called me back after that.

amother

Wed, Jun 24 2020, 5:55 am

Success10 wrote:

Just morally, I think it's proper to tell them. They are investing time and effort into training you in.

I'm trained and have prior experience and qualifications. Learning the ropes as in fitting in with the team will take some time, but not more than a month.

I'll prob be leaving close to 6 months (at least 5.5 but I tend to go overdue)...and start showing within a month of starting

amother

Wed, Jun 24 2020, 5:59 am

btw I wonder if responses would change based on the field? (Obviously I have to come in every day, no option of remote, or I wouldn't be concerned about a leave)
For example - head of a corporate team vs supervisor in a factory plant vs supervisor of therapy case loads vs administrator in a school vs management position in retail? (Just trying to come up with different ideas)
Would your opinion changed based on the job or are these answers across the board?