I don’t want to lend out my pool - how to tell neighbors

amother

Bisque

Tue, Jun 23 2020, 6:00 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

I’m one of the few people in my area that has a pool. How can I nicely tell neighbors I don’t lend it out? I don’t want the responsibility and nervous about safety! Even when I’m with my kids, I’ll invite a relative like my sisters but not a neighbor with a bunch of kids. Don’t want anyone being mad at me!!

The bold is all you need to say. Perfectly reasonable pre-Covid and especially now during Covid. It’s your pool, you are not obligated to share.

Learning

Tue, Jun 23 2020, 6:02 pm

amother [ Bisque ] wrote:

The bold is all you need to say. Perfectly reasonable pre-Covid and especially now during Covid. It’s your pool, you are not obligated to share.

I can’t believe we both said the same thing at the same time 😂

amother

Bisque

Tue, Jun 23 2020, 6:03 pm

Learning wrote:

I can’t believe we both said the same thing at the same time 😂

Great minds think alike! 😆

amother

Coral

Tue, Jun 23 2020, 8:12 pm

Don’t give an explanation.
It will just get you stuck.
Corona- we are all immune.
Liability-I will pay for insurance
Safety- I’ll get a lifeguard
Cleanliness- my kids don’t pish
And on and on
I’m sorry we can’t have other use our pool.

ShishKabob

Tue, Jun 23 2020, 8:29 pm

I would just say no. And you have to make sure to keep it no across the board and not make exceptions to certain people. THAT can create very bad feelings.

Amarante

Tue, Jun 23 2020, 9:19 pm

amother [ Coral ] wrote:

I agree as you are headed for a slippery slope because my experience is that people who have the chutzpah to ask for stuff like this are generally the same kind who are used to steamrollering people who don't accede to their demands.

Just say no - we don't lend out our pool.

There are all kinds of reasons that other posters have stated for not "lending" your pool.

There is absolutely no similarity between inviting your family or friends of your children over versus having a neighbor putting you on the spot.

keym

Tue, Jun 23 2020, 9:20 pm

amother [ Coral ] wrote:

This.
Don't give excuses. They will always try to find a way around.
I'm sorry I can't. That's it.

amother

Purple

Wed, Jun 24 2020, 1:07 am

If they ask why, send them a link to that nasty imamother thread about what people do in other peoples' swimming pools Puke

amother

Dustypink

Wed, Jun 24 2020, 2:06 am

First off I just want to tell you that you are not alone. This exact issue comes up every year. It is totally normal to prefer to not share pool for many valid reasons.

For me (I don’t have a pool but I used to be a lifeguard and am super uncomfortable with untrained adults supervising) , the liability is tremendous.

Don’t bother making up excuses. There is no reason for dishonesty and fake excuses are always transparent. And its not even necessary anyhow! Just like she can ask, you can Say no.

If it were me I would say -
I really hate saying no, but the pool is the one thing I’m just not comfortable with. And I hope that you don’t hesitate to ask me for other favors in the future

Last edited by amother on Wed, Oct 25 2023, 11:08 pm; edited 1 time in total

Einikel

Wed, Jun 24 2020, 2:54 am

amother [ Lime ] wrote:

What kind of people ask to use someone else's pool??? I can't wrap my head around that sense of entitlement.

. I would assume people are willing to pay to rent or use a pool.

amother

Lime

Wed, Jun 24 2020, 2:57 am

Einikel wrote:

. I would assume people are willing to pay to rent or use a pool.

I didn't get that impression from the op, but if so, then it's really easy to say that your insurance doesn't cover rentals.

amother

Olive

Wed, Jun 24 2020, 2:59 am

amother [ Lime ] wrote:

What kind of people ask to use someone else's pool??? I can't wrap my head around that sense of entitlement.

It’s interesting that you say that. I live oot and every summer Dds beg me to ask people to use their pool but I’m just not comfortable doing it. Everyone is swimming at other people’s pool all the time (California...) and I just don’t understand. I’m happy the dds are going to camp and swim there the whole summer. I think it’s the norm here to ask to use people’s pool. I’m not the norm.

LovesHashem

Wed, Jun 24 2020, 3:46 am

amother [ Lime ] wrote:

What kind of people ask to use someone else's pool??? I can't wrap my head around that sense of entitlement.

There's nothing wrong with asking! Many people who have pools lend and rent them out. Many people don't.

It never hurts to ask someone if they lend or rent their pool out. There's a difference between that and asking someone "Can I use your pool?" and pushing them to do so.

amother

Lime

Wed, Jun 24 2020, 3:54 am

LovesHashem wrote:

There's a big difference between lending and renting.

Asking to use someone else's pool is just odd. If my neighbor has a bigger closet than I do, should I ask to store my clothes at her place? Kal vachomer in a case like this, where there's real danger involved.

FranticFrummie

Wed, Jun 24 2020, 4:52 am

ShishKabob wrote:

I would just say no. And you have to make sure to keep it no across the board and not make exceptions to certain people. THAT can create very bad feelings.

I disagree. OP owns the pool, on her own property. She is under no obligation to share with the neighbors, just because the visiting cousins are allowed to use it. Why do neighbors feel entitled to other people's belongings? That is not the culture I grew up in, and it feels a little like living on a commune or something.

I think it's perfectly normal to say "no" to pool sharing, just like if I had a trampoline in my back yard I wouldn't want the neighbor kids coming over all the time to use it.

Personal boundaries are not bad manners, they are healthy limits. If the neighbors develop "bad feelings", OP is not responsible for other people's emotional reactions.

amother

Cobalt

Wed, Jun 24 2020, 9:03 am

I think allowing family and neighbors is different.
Of course someone can choose who to lend their pool to.
But if you lend it to neighbor A and not neighbor B it is only natural and human nature there will be hard feelings.