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I don’t want to lend out my pool - how to tell neighbors
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ladYdI




 
 
 
 

Post  Mon, Aug 03 2020, 11:07 pm
Good fences make good neighbors, but that being said
I think boundaries are important but what is such a big deal with allowing people to use your pool for a specific predetermined time that works for you? Aren’t we always trying to reach out children to be nice and share? You can say not today but maybe Tuesday 5:00?
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amother




Lilac
 

Post  Tue, Aug 04 2020, 12:35 am
amother [ Lime ] wrote:
What kind of people ask to use someone else's pool??? I can't wrap my head around that sense of entitlement.

Totally! Do they also ask to hang out in ur living room?! & if they would, would the response be given with excuses or just a straight NO!?
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amother




Smokey
 

Post  Tue, Aug 04 2020, 12:56 am
amother [ Olive ] wrote:
It’s interesting that you say that. I live oot and every summer Dds beg me to ask people to use their pool but I’m just not comfortable doing it. Everyone is swimming at other people’s pool all the time (California...) and I just don’t understand. I’m happy the dds are going to camp and swim there the whole summer. I think it’s the norm here to ask to use people’s pool. I’m not the norm.


This. As I was reading the thread, I was thinking 'wow, I so appreciate living here, where people are so nice about letting others use their pool'. I also usually felt uncomfortable asking, but I did it a few times a summer. And then I heard about one lady who is so super nice about it, she gladly lets people come when its available. But the people asking are also very nice, not pushy or feeling entitled.
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FranticFrummie




 
 
 
 

Post  Tue, Aug 04 2020, 3:03 am
I didn't read the whole thread, but I can't imagine asking to use someone else's pool unless I was told in advance that this was a possibility. Would you knock on the neighbor's door and ask to take a shower?

If I had a pool and didn't want anyone else to use it, I would tell them that my homeowner's insurance wouldn't cover the liability. End of subject.

Even if they insist, "But Chani was a lifeguard at camp!" I would just repeat the above line until they got the message.

BTW, I am not a Scrooge. I would probably share with adults and teenagers who could swim well, but I would never feel comfortable with younger kids in my pool, even if the parents were right there. Parents can get distracted, CVS.
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twizzlers1




 
 
 
 

Post  Tue, Aug 04 2020, 6:00 am
I really don't have a problem with people asking to use our pool. I have offered some neighbors but don't think to ask everyone. they are also very respectful and if I say it's not a good time they don't push. One problem I do have is that some of them send teenage girls in regular swimsuits and I'm not so comfortable with that since my husband and boys are home. I tried to shut the window that looks out but it's not always perfect. Just curious if you ladies would think it's okay to ask them to wear a t-shirt. Otherwise I'm likely to say no most of the times that they ask where I was I would say yes much quicker.
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FranticFrummie




 
 
 
 

Post  Tue, Aug 04 2020, 6:02 am
twizzlers1 wrote:
I really don't have a problem with people asking to use our pool. I have offered some neighbors but don't think to ask everyone. they are also very respectful and if I say it's not a good time they don't push. One problem I do have is that some of them send teenage girls in regular swimsuits and I'm not so comfortable with that since my husband and boys are home. I tried to shut the window that looks out but it's not always perfect. Just curious if you ladies would think it's okay to ask them to wear a t-shirt. Otherwise I'm likely to say no most of the times that they ask where I was I would say yes much quicker.


I would never consider going into a neighbor's pool in anything less than a tznius swim dress, and same for DD. I don't think there's anything wrong with asking them to wear a t-shirt. It's the very least they could do. A pair of shorts would be a good idea, too.
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amother




Mistyrose
 

Post  Tue, Aug 04 2020, 6:32 am
ladYdI wrote:
Good fences make good neighbors, but that being said
I think boundaries are important but what is such a big deal with allowing people to use your pool for a specific predetermined time that works for you? Aren’t we always trying to reach out children to be nice and share? You can say not today but maybe Tuesday 5:00?


This is where it becomes an issue, where it’s like ‘what’s the big deal’?!

The big deal is that it’s not one neighbor, occasionally, it’s atleast 10 different families asking every week in busy season. It’s feeling like I’m running a business (non profit!). I have to clean up gross toilets, deal with garbage left behind, have no privacy in my own backyard every weekend in the summer.

Every situation is different- if your neighbor/ friend seems happy to do it and you ask nicely, amazing. Give a gift once a season to show your thanks maybe.

But if there’s pressure involved it’s just unfair.

Signed- haven’t opened my pool in 2 seasons (and I love to swim!) because I work full time and I need my weekends and evenings to be peaceful.
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twizzlers1




 
 
 
 

Post  Tue, Aug 04 2020, 8:29 am
FranticFrummie wrote:
I would never consider going into a neighbor's pool in anything less than a tznius swim dress, and same for DD. I don't think there's anything wrong with asking them to wear a t-shirt. It's the very least they could do. A pair of shorts would be a good idea, too.


Thank you for that now I know I'm not crazy. They've already come a couple of times so now I feel kind of funny saying something. But then again I would say yes much more frequently if they were a bit more covered.
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singleagain




 
 
 
 

Post  Tue, Aug 04 2020, 8:55 am
twizzlers1 wrote:
Thank you for that now I know I'm not crazy. They've already come a couple of times so now I feel kind of funny saying something. But then again I would say yes much more frequently if they were a bit more covered.


If they protest you can always use that as a reason "for a one time thing I wasn't going to make a big deal. But on a regular basis. This is my rule."
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amother




Linen
 

Post  Tue, Aug 04 2020, 9:04 am
Good points! Hopefully people realize yes they are one person asking one time...but they are not the only person! Multiply their one time with many and its a whole different story.

Do what works for you. We all do chesed in our own ways and works best when we also set healthy boundaries. Otherwise resentment comes out and thats no good for anyone.

Also, we are not communists it is not public property that needs to be shared til nothing is left for anyone. Mutual respect means also towards the owner(s).

As an aside, Especially now with germs, what happened to everyone calling for SD and protocols? I hope no one against schools opening is in favor of sharing pools.
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