When do you take suicidal threats seriously-updated

amother

Brunette

Wed, Jun 24 2020, 5:28 am

I'm getting disturbed by seeing so many posters who never met this poor child advising OP that this might be manipulation. This isn't usual speech or healthy behavior for a child, and only a professional can make a diagnosis. Please don't ever minimize a child's cry for help, especially not to a parent of a child you never met.

OP, can you post what community you're in? Maybe people here can recommend experts you can speak to or free programs that can help.

imasinger

Wed, Jun 24 2020, 5:32 am

Burlywood has some great perspective here.

The tricks that I learned in a very similar situation were:

1. Detach the behavioral component from the emotional component.

It is really difficult when a kid is legitimately upset, and threatening scary things as an attention seeking behavior. Because if you respond with attention, it perpetuates the problem. (Back story -- with my kid, after a time with a beginner therapist, when things got worse, we found our way to better counselors.)

So if you can help strengthen him as much as possible outside of the stressful times, if he already has an overabundance of positive attention, he's less likely to seek negative attention.

This means finding things he can and will do, then praising him for his success. And spending quality time where you make it clear you're just enjoying his company.

2. Teach him how to calm himself. There are lots of great materials available, if you Google "self calming strategies" and click Images. Print what you like best.

Try practicing one technique every day for a week or more, at a time he's already calm, then apply it when he starts to get upset.

3. Help him understand the body/mind connection. When our bodies are tense, it can trigger automatic negative thoughts (ANTs). We go from "It's raining on my parade" to "I have a terrible feeling in my stomach" to "I want to hurt myself". Taking care of the body, with deep breathing, tensing and relaxing, or pleasurable exercise, can break the cycle.

I told my DS, "ANTs can ruin a picnic. So they need to be squashed." (Note to environmentalists -- no actual living creatures are being harmed here).

Feel free to pm if you want to discuss further. And hang in there!

amother

Linen

Wed, Jun 24 2020, 9:31 am

amother [ Brunette ] wrote:

My biggest concern is that OP mentioned this has been going on for over a year already and she can't get adequate help for the child. The child is not even 12. This is very concerning and I'm truly worried for the well being of the child. A child that has been mentioning suicide for the past year but isn't getting decent therapy, this is pretty worrisome.
Maybe the school can help you get adequate help?

amother

Peach

Wed, Jun 24 2020, 9:46 am

I had a diary when I was a child and regularly wrote about wanting to die for many years. I never told my parents and I never got help.

I never attempted suicide and I never fell into a deep depression where I couldn't go through my daily routine/life. I was just a very sad child. I had a hard life with parents who fought and cursed at one another daily. So badly, the police came once. I was also unpopular and lonely.

I truly wasn't suicidal, I just really didn't like my life so I would write that no life was better than this life.

My life turned around when I was in high school and finally old enough for some independence and freedom from my home. My sadness was situational but due to my age, there was no way out of it until I was older.

I know we are taught over and over that any mention of suicide should be taken seriously. Yes, any time a child is going through emotional turmoil, we must listen and help. But sometimes, not always but sometimes, scary words like suicide are no different than the little boy who angrily screams that he's going to hurt you if he doesn't get his way. Kids have big feelings that overwhelm them and don't always realize that using words like suicide or kill are very serious.

amother

Taupe

Wed, Jun 24 2020, 1:17 pm

amother [ Peach ] wrote:

This 100%