How to help a child develop a healthy body image

amother

Tue, Jun 30 2020, 6:11 pm

My daughter is turning 11 and is becoming very self conscious about her body. I know this is completely normal, but she keeps talking about how she’s fat, and it puts her in a bad mood. In general she is going through a lot of hormonal moods, and I feel like have a grip on that mostly. But I’m a bit at a loss about how to dress her body image issues without causing any damage long term. Of course I just want to reassure her that she’s beautiful, but I don’t feel like that’s necessarily the right way to go. Nor is it super helpful. Any advice would be appreciated!

RuralIma

Tue, Jun 30 2020, 6:53 pm

The emphasis should be on health not weight and definitely do not talk about your own body in negative terms. Encourage healthy habits like eating healthy and exercising. Learn about some awesome women in history who did amazing things because of their ingenuity, courage, intelligence, perseverance, etc and not their looks. If you're okay with non-Jewish magazines, check out Bravery magazine. Every 3 months they feature a different woman and have activities and discussions about things like being courageous, not giving up, etc putting an emphasis on traits and not looks. I think the next one is Ruth Bader Ginsberg but the past issues have been Maya Angelou, Temple Grandin, Frida Kahlo, Julia Child, Jane Goodall, and others.

amother

Tue, Jun 30 2020, 7:06 pm

I am extremely careful never to discuss my body. Have literally never used the word diet. Unfortunately, she hears it elsewhere. I am very thin, and other mothers ask her what diet I’m on and really stupid comments like that. I’m into health but not to an extreme unhealthy degree that would cause her any unhealthy views on food. For example I rarely buy soda for shabbos, but have absolutely no problem when the kids come home with soda cans, never comment. I never make a big deal when they come home with bags of candy from a siyum, and usually the bags just sit in the pantry for weeks once they pick out the few things they like. Overall my kids are pretty intuitive eaters. But I can’t control external influences. Btw, she’s not even fat.. just going through typical puberty.

amother

Cerulean

Tue, Jun 30 2020, 8:53 pm

Value her for her charachter and personality and tell her about how body image obsession is created through media and women buy in but it is wrong. Men dont buy in and neither should we. Show her the before & afters of makeup, hair & photoshop. Tell her a out how industry uses this to convince us to buy products out of fear. Tell her she is loved and healthy and hopefully she will see past marketing and not buy into it like probably lots of her friends snd their mothers.

And also observe together who you like to hang out with and your reasons why you do.

behappy2

Tue, Jun 30 2020, 10:20 pm

amother [ Cerulean ] wrote:

Men don't buy into it?!

Something that was very eye opening. I once watched a documentary on you tube of a country where it is s-xy to be fat and all the girls when they hit teenage years get together for a fattening up party, where they are forced to eat way more calories then is comfortable. The ppl shooting this asked the men who all said they want to marry fat women! We see this here in America too, where it becomes more or less beautiful to have larger or smaller body parts (hamyvin yavin)

Its titled "young girls force fed for marriage-mauritania"

Last edited by behappy2 on Tue, Jun 30 2020, 10:41 pm; edited 1 time in total

behappy2

Tue, Jun 30 2020, 10:23 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Good for you! Very impressed! I hope I can remember this too when my own little girl grows up. It's impossible to be in control of everything kids hear or see. You keep being her rock and role model.

amother

Cerulean

Wed, Jul 01 2020, 12:22 am

behappy2 wrote:

Good point. I watched that documentary too. I will correct myself- the good men / husbands you want to end up with, the ones who you will be happy with. Not all men, there are the ones who want to purchase a fashion statement. While all are influenced to think its beautiful upon a look, men are attracted to the inside, the personality, the character when it comes to long term commitment & happiness. Granted an unhealthy person extreme obesity for example is exluded from this idea, normal size women is a very wide range. Men really dont see a difference between size 8 or size 12. Men dont use a magnifine mirror and nit pick on each minute detail, Women do. Men are more interested in the smile, the entire package, the person. Unless they are like Donald trump and just are looking for a trophy to collect dust on their shelf, and those make atrocious life partners.

Ora in town

Wed, Jul 01 2020, 6:12 am

Do sports.
Swimming is excellent.
But sports in general allow you to feel your body more, to feel more in partnership with your body...

Our society tends to be quite cerebral and to neglect the body...

So the best way to have good body image is to have good feeling about your body, and the best way to have a good feeling is either moving against resistence, be enveloped by water (swimming, aquafit), or activating muscles and blood circulation, have a warm feeling from the inside... this feeling will hold on for some time, accumulate if you repeat regularly...

amother

Wed, Jul 01 2020, 8:22 am

Ora in town wrote:

She swims everyday. Doesn’t seem to help.