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Help I dont think 3y is cute anymore

 
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amother




OP
 

Post  Mon, Jul 06 2020, 10:46 pm
more experienced moms, please advise.
Ever since his upshernjsh 6 months ago he didn't look cute to me anymore. I try to find his baby features within, and remind myself of his personality, etc but I force myself to hug and kiss him. He's a great kid and great to hang out with but I just dont think he's cute.

Let me try to explain, my mother used to hug and kiss the babies for the first year or two, once we got older she stopped touching us at all, I have no memory of her hugging me, I cringed when the photographer made her pose at my wedding. So obviously its something I vowed to give my own kids, but its hard now that he no longer seems like a cute baby.

Cue the next problem, I have no problem eating up my 1y old. So 3y becomes jealous and starts acting like a baby (baby grunting, crawling, throwing toys, I mean its so painfully obvious and transparent) to get attention. Which makes me annoyed and short tempered with him bc its not cute behavior, its needy and annoying. Obviously this is a bad cycle and I recognize it, I just can't unstuck myself.

How can I get back into showing him physical affection and attention if I seriously don't feel it.
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amother




Ivory
 

Post  Mon, Jul 06 2020, 10:47 pm
You're looking at him as lacking the cuteness of a baby, but he's not supposed to be baby-cute at this age. He's entered a stage where he should be a different kind of cute.
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thunderstorm




 
 
 
 

Post  Mon, Jul 06 2020, 10:49 pm
Try focusing on his attributes and who he is as a person. Try not to base your ideas of him on his looks. He is loved cute or not cute . And he needs double doses of attention now, to make up for what the baby gets. It’s hard and I could relate to the not being hugged or shown affection as a child and then having to force myself to do it for my own kids. But think of your child’s essence. Almost nobody remains cute forever.
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amother




Peach
 

Post  Mon, Jul 06 2020, 10:58 pm
amother [ Ivory ] wrote:
You're looking at him as lacking the cuteness of a baby, but he's not supposed to be baby-cute at this age. He's entered a stage where he should be a different kind of cute.


Agreed. I still think my 5 year old is adorable. He says the cutest things, and it's amazing to watch this little person develop. 3 year olds can sometimes be frustrating, but they're still very cute! Just in a different way.
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amother




Pink
 

Post  Mon, Jul 06 2020, 11:01 pm
I get you 100% I could have written every word of your post aside from the fact that I don't currently have a three year old... I don't have much advice to give you -my oldest is only a few yrs older then your three yr old.

Like you I promised myself not to do it to my children but it's so so hard (and yes I have no problem hugging and kissing my baby) I do make a point of every night giving each child a hug and kiss - they want it so much. And it's gotten a little easier now that I do it every night and it sort of became routine. Another thing I do is snuggle up with them on the couch and read a book together or hold them tight on my lap and talk about their day. They enjoy the touch and I somehow find thats not so hard since it's cozy and the focus is on the book or discussion....

Just curious do you find that this also effects you when your with your husband?
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amother




Mauve
 

Post  Mon, Jul 06 2020, 11:03 pm
If giving hugs doesn't come to you naturally, make it a point to hug him when you say good morning, once when he leaves and come back from daycamp and once before he goes to bed!
Give him attention in other ways, read him a book, play with his toys ,build domething...
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amother




Hotpink
 

Post  Tue, Jul 07 2020, 12:23 am
I once heard /read somewhere that our kids need us /our hugs the most when they "deserve" it the least.
That bratty teenager (if you think your 3 yr old isn't cute Wink )
The whiney 5 yr old
The brooding 10 yr old
It's sometimes really hard to find it in ourselves to love our kids for you they are, and to give them what we never got
And I can totally get the not growing up with hugs part.
I also try so hard to hug my kids, it gets harder as they grow up, but I'm still their mother, and I feel good about myself when I can do it, especially when it's so hard for me.
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