It's not fun to sleep alone

amother

Thu, Jul 09 2020, 3:36 am

So says my almost 6 year old. Which is why he comes to my bed every night pretty much. I was taking him back to his bed each night and laying with him there until he falls asleep. Then it sometimes happens again. Sometimes I just let him stay with me. I tried offering rewards to stay in bed all night so we can all get some sleep. Even if he really wants to, it's just too hard for him it seems. There are other kids in his room but that doesn't help him if they're (thankfully!) asleep. Also when falling asleep in the first place he'd rather me lay with him. Until a year or so ago he liked to hold my hand while falling asleep. He doesn't like to be alone ever really. He's my oldest If I'm giving his little sisters a bath and we're all in the bathroom, he often wants to sit in there with us, too. Sometimes he will stay outside in the living room and play himself. It's a small apartment... we're never too far apart. Is this in the realm of normal at this age? Anyone experience this? Did you do anything about it? Did he grow out of it on his own? When??? I love him to pieces, just worried about him and a drop tired...

amother

Taupe

Thu, Jul 09 2020, 3:40 am

not surprising especially now during this challenging time
different things work for different kids based on specifics
you can talk to a sleep coach
sleep is so crucial! as I am sure you know

mega hugs

amother

Thu, Jul 09 2020, 5:53 am

teachkids wrote:

Is he the type that letting him choose a special stuffed animal would help?

I just asked him if it would help him if his teddy bear were sleeping with him. He said "It would help very much if all my animals were with me and also you- l'fachot you." Isn't he a sweetie pie? I asked if he's scared to sleep alone and he said "Ma kesher? I'm just not matzliach to sleep without you." Then he came to sit on my lap and asked for a kiss...

salt

Thu, Jul 09 2020, 6:19 am

If you have space in your bedroom - I did this with my DD who used to come and want to sleep with me in the middle of the night - have a mattress on the floor in your room, and tell him, whenever he wants he can come and lie down on the mattress, but he mustn't wake you or come into your bed.

amother

Firebrick

Thu, Jul 09 2020, 9:59 am

The reason he wakes up in the middle of the night and comes to you, is because you are in the room when he falls asleep at bedtime. Kids (and adults actually) wake up slightly a few times during the night. If the only way he knows how to go to sleep at bedtime is with you there, he will have a very hard time falling back asleep in the middle of the night without you there again. In his mind you have gone missing!
Try to work on having him fall asleep after you leave the room and that should help dramatically.
Also - he's 6. You can make rules. Your room can off limits during the night.

amother

Lavender

Thu, Jul 09 2020, 10:11 am

One of of my kids was like this. No real fears or anything abnormal, just wanted to be near me.
What worked for us was compromises. We tried every second night he can come. And the mornings he woke up in his own bed hes get a special treat. But he knew the next night he was welcome again so he adjusted.
We also had a system of coming in the morning to cuddle for a little bit but it didnt work so well because I needed to get up for work.
Or any other compromise that you can think of. He sounds like a mature logical cutie with whom you can have a real conversation.
Good luck!

yiddishmom

Thu, Jul 09 2020, 10:15 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

I don't have any suggestions, but I needed to say that he is way too cute!!

Good luck figuring it out and lots of nachas!

amother

Amber

Thu, Jul 09 2020, 4:27 pm

My DD is 4 and she used to come to my bed every single night. I hated it because my sleep would be terrible - she stretches out and kicks and steals the comforter lol. I made a chart for her to earn a big prize and she earns a check for each time she sleeps in her bed the entire night. The first few nights were terrible (think screaming bloody murder outside our locked door and sleeping on the floor out there) but she got the gist after 2 days. I sometimes still have to bring her back to her bed in middle of the night but I just give her a kiss and leave the room. No laying down in her bed...that just drags out the process.

amother

Silver

Wed, Jul 15 2020, 8:01 am

My son tried that a few times.
Main thing is I let him snuggle for a few minutes since that’s what he needed. I let him know that it’s only for a few minutes in my bed and then he has to go back to his because everyone sleeps better in their own bed.
I told him how cozy his bed is..
I bought him a night light and we bought new linen and kept talking about how great his room is.. he gets rubs and tickles before bed and I tell him how much I love him...
He’s 7 now and doesn’t come to my bed in the middle of the night anymore.