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S/O What's a mashpia?
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amother
OP


 

Post Thu, Jul 09 2020, 6:54 am
I was reading another thread and felt super ignorant.

What's a mashpia? Is it a Rebbi? A mentor? Do many sects of Judiasm have them? Only Lubavitch? All Chassidim?

Does it make sense I never heard of this term? I'm middle of the road Yeshivish for reference.
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amother
Orchid


 

Post Thu, Jul 09 2020, 6:57 am
Iiuc, A very awesome system within the lubavich community where each young married women has a "big sister" to go to for wisdom and life experience so to speak that is not their mother. I wish we all had them.
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mo5




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Jul 09 2020, 6:58 am
I wrote this in the other thread originally:
Can’t be bothered to find the poster that said having a Mashpia is a Lubavitch thing. It is and it isn’t.

It comes from the idea עשה לך רב, having an objective voice of a ‘teacher/mentor not just for matters of straight Halacha like a Rav usually is.

It is a Lubavitch thing as in the terminology and that the Rebbe made a strong request d that people find and make for themselves a

It isn’t a strictly Lubavitch thing because this concept exists all over the Jewish world with different names given to it, couldd be the mashgiach in the Yeshiva that the guy connects to and comes back to years later, the teacher that she seeks advice from, the local Rebbetzin, or anyone that You give the mentoring role to for yourself.
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amother
Blue


 

Post Thu, Jul 09 2020, 6:58 am
I've only heard it in connection to lubavichers. It's a rabbi, rebbetzen, guide, mentor type person of ones own choosing. Their role is to help understand and implement in daily life the Rebbes guidance and to make it jive with each person's personal reality.
Not every Lubavitcher has a mashpia but many so and it's very much encouraged.
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mo5




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Jul 09 2020, 7:00 am
amother [ Blue ] wrote:
I've only heard it in connection to lubavichers. It's a rabbi, rebbetzen, guide, mentor type person of ones own choosing. Their role is to help understand and implement in daily life the Rebbes guidance and to make it jive with each person's personal reality.
Not every Lubavitcher has a mashpia but many so and it's very much encouraged.

Not just the Rebbes guidance but Torah and mitzvos and life in general.
And you might have a mashpia you’ll ask questions in chinuch, and a different person for general questions about your own avodas hashem as a woman etc.
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banana123




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Jul 09 2020, 7:01 am
A spiritual mentor. Someone who helps guide you in serving Hashem, so that you are serving Hashem and not your own convenience or ego. Smile Does not advise on halachic matters other than "that's a good question to ask a rav" or correcting gross mistakes that are complete misunderstandings of halacha.
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amother
Blue


 

Post Thu, Jul 09 2020, 7:02 am
amother [ Orchid ] wrote:
Iiuc, A very awesome system within the lubavich community where each young married women has a "big sister" to go to for wisdom and life experience so to speak that is not their mother. I wish we all had them.


Just want to comment that it's not just newly marrieds. The concept includes single girls and bochurim, older middle aged people who are leaders in their own right. Really, anyone.
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amother
Amethyst


 

Post Thu, Jul 09 2020, 7:02 am
It's basically a mentor. Someone who you respect and whose outlook you appreciate. They help you work through questions you have and decisions you're making. The idea is that every person is subjective to their own reality as much as they try not to be so having an outsider looking in with fresh eyes helps clarify what we're trying to figure out.
It's not a therapist, it's not a Rav, it's just someone to help you analyze life from another perspective so you can make good choices.
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amother
Blue


 

Post Thu, Jul 09 2020, 7:03 am
mo5 wrote:
Not just the Rebbes guidance but Torah and mitzvos and life in general.
And you might have a mashpia you’ll ask questions in chinuch, and a different person for general questions about your own avodas hashem as a woman etc.


Right 100%
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shabbatiscoming




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Jul 09 2020, 7:05 am
Ive only ever heard of this concept here on imamother.
I think it is connected to daat torah.

Not everyone frum has a mashpiah. But those that do use daat torah to punctuate their lives.


Last edited by shabbatiscoming on Thu, Jul 09 2020, 7:05 am; edited 1 time in total
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amother
OP


 

Post Thu, Jul 09 2020, 7:05 am
Makes sense. Thanks! My community is similar in that all the men all close to their Rebbeim here but unfortunately the women don't necessarily have a connection with someone. Definitely not as much of a given.

Here a Rebbi is trusted to have his hashkafos solidly down pat, how can one know for sure if their mashpiah is knowledgeable enough if it's just a mentor?
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banana123




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Jul 09 2020, 7:08 am
amother [ OP ] wrote:
Makes sense. Thanks! My community is similar in that all the men all close to their Rebbeim here but unfortunately the women don't necessarily have a connection with someone. Definitely not as much of a given.

Here a Rebbi is trusted to have his hashkafos solidly down pat, how can one know for sure if their mashpiah is knowledgeable enough if it's just a mentor?

It's not a Catholic marriage. If you feel your mashpia doesn't know enough, or isn't right for you - you switch.
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mo5




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Jul 09 2020, 7:09 am
amother [ OP ] wrote:
Makes sense. Thanks! My community is similar in that all the men all close to their Rebbeim here but unfortunately the women don't necessarily have a connection with someone. Definitely not as much of a given.

Here a Rebbi is trusted to have his hashkafos solidly down pat, how can one know for sure if their mashpiah is knowledgeable enough if it's just a mentor?

You choose someone.
If you don’t feel that person is the right person, you ask someone else. You’re not married to the advice. If someone feels off, you ask someone else.

Often it’s just someone with a bit more life experience. And its not always easy to find the right person to ask.
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mo5




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Jul 09 2020, 7:10 am
banana123 wrote:
It's not a Catholic marriage. If you feel your mashpia doesn't know enough, or isn't right for you - you switch.

Funny how we both used the marriage analogy!
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banana123




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Jul 09 2020, 7:11 am
mo5 wrote:
Funny how we both used the marriage analogy!

Do you live in Israel?
זה לא חתונה קתולית is a pretty common saying here...
(But also, it's not the same. A Catholic marriage doesn't allow for divorce. Being married to someone means you are committed, but generally speaking there is the option to divorce if you really, really have to...)


Last edited by banana123 on Thu, Jul 09 2020, 7:12 am; edited 1 time in total
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amother
OP


 

Post Thu, Jul 09 2020, 7:11 am
banana123 wrote:
It's not a Catholic marriage. If you feel your mashpia doesn't know enough, or isn't right for you - you switch.


Lol! Dumb question, do they know they're your mashpia?
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amother
Ivory


 

Post Thu, Jul 09 2020, 7:13 am
It sounds like a fine system for some, but really dangerous for the most fragile people. If you have very little self-confidence, a domineering mashpia can totally crush you, all in the name of religion.
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banana123




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Jul 09 2020, 7:13 am
amother [ OP ] wrote:
Lol! Dumb question, do they know they're your mashpia?

If you ask them to be your mashpia, then yes. If you just keep asking them questions, then maybe they think they're your friend. But at some point, I think most people understand the nature of the relationship.
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mo5




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Jul 09 2020, 7:14 am
banana123 wrote:
Do you live in Israel?

No
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banana123




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Jul 09 2020, 7:14 am
amother [ Ivory ] wrote:
It sounds like a fine system for some, but really dangerous for the most fragile people. If you have very little self-confidence, a domineering mashpia can totally crush you, all in the name of religion.

You choose your own mashpia. And no system is perfect.
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