How to get infant to go to sleep without the paci?

amother

Wed, Jul 15 2020, 12:56 am

My baby is 3 months B"H and seems to only be able to fall asleep if a paci is in her mouth (I'm not nursing).

It's been ok so far but I don't want it to become a "thing" because I had it with my oldest, and it was sooooo hard. So now trying to train her without it but she's not going for it.

Any ideas? Would love something concrete, not "read xyz book" b/c I do NOT have time to read. Please gist me!!!!

TYSM!

banana123

Wed, Jul 15 2020, 1:09 am

At this stage it is normal to need to suck for comfort. I wouldn't fight. She won't do sheirut leumi with a paci in her mouth, nor will she get married with a paci in her mouth. And in all probability, she won't go to first grade with a paci in her mouth, either.

What you want to avoid is the discovery that thumbs can be sucked as well as pacis, as well as distress because her oral needs aren't being met.

amother

Lilac

Wed, Jul 15 2020, 1:13 am

This is FROM a book, but it was the single most useful method in helping me get my kids to sleep without nursing, and it will probably work well for a pacifier too.

It's from the No Cry Sleep Solution by Elizabeth Pantley, and she calls it the "Pantley Pull-Off."

The theory is that she thinks she CAN'T fall asleep without the pacifier, and you need to teach her that she CAN.

In short, you carefully watch your baby as she is falling asleep. When she is ALMOST asleep, you gently break the suction and remove the pacifier.

She will probably whimper and want it back. You put it back, count to 10 or 20 slowly in your head, and try to remove it again. Repeat and repeat until either she or you get too frustrated.

Do this every time you remember to, at bedtimes (and naptimes if you're willing).

Eventually you will be able to remove the pacifier without resistance and she will peacefully fall asleep without it.

(Whether or not this is a noble goal for a 3-month old baby I'll leave to the experts. I don't do pacifiers, but I nurse, and I don't always start teaching them this skill at 3 months.)

banana123

Wed, Jul 15 2020, 1:15 am

amother [ Lilac ] wrote:

I did this with nursing, but I don't remember when I did it.

amother

Seagreen

Wed, Jul 15 2020, 6:25 am

OP, I know you mean well, but this post seriously breaks my hear. Babies (and toddlers) need to suck, it calms, relaxed them. Its a natural reflex. Most babies that dont take a paci usually suck their thumb( I know there are exceptions).
Whats so bad about a 3 year old that need a paci to fall sleep. And at this age you can explain and they Unterstand. For all my kids at around age 3, the latest 4, I bought a nice, exiting present and left it in its box next to their bed. I told them that as soon as they sleep 3 nights in a row without a paci, they get the Gift. It always works. Some need a few weeks or more until they are strong enough to try, but thats ok, no pressure.
And after sleeping for 3 nights without, the child is automatically weaned.

Please, please, dont pull out a pacifier of an almost asleep infant, its cruel.

nchr

Wed, Jul 15 2020, 7:55 am

You can just take it out of her mouth once she falls asleep. It's really normal for babies to have a pacifier. The emotional attachment to a paci starts around 9 months so you can easily wean it away around 6 or 7 months.

amother

Indigo

Wed, Jul 15 2020, 9:21 am

I'm guessing it has something to do with baby waking up when she loses the pacifier, and parents having to keep going back to the crib to find and replace it instead of baby soothing herself back to sleep. Thumb suckers don't have this issue, though they have different issues down the line.

I hear you, Op, but think it's a little early for this realistically. I would seed the crib with pacifiers, so that they are easy to find, both by you and baby.

amother

Violet

Wed, Jul 15 2020, 9:22 am

So many judgmental responses as if this woman is abusing her baby.

OP: I never offer a paci. My babies are not abused. They are fed and loved and cared for. My husband and I were not offered pacis either as

As with so many things in motherhood. Pacis are a personal choice that somehow has become a bellwether for mom shaming.

Op: you do what you decide is best for your baby and your family and don’t listen to the haters.

amother

Wheat

Wed, Jul 15 2020, 9:36 am

amother [ Violet ] wrote:

Abuse??? No one is being judgmental either. We're just giving her our perspective.
Not offering a paci at all is not the same as taking it away once baby is used to it.

amother

cornflower

Wed, Jul 15 2020, 9:40 am

I don’t offer my kids a pacifier. I nurse and they fall asleep for the most part without sucking and never cry themselves to sleep.
Are there real benefits to it? (The only one I could think of is that they might take their thumb. One kid did and grew out of that in nursery.)

amother

Wheat

Wed, Jul 15 2020, 9:44 am

amother [ cornflower ] wrote:

I think that the calming and soothing effect is a great benefit. I also think that it has more benefits in the toddler stage, it's often the only thing that will calm a tantruming toddler. I think it's important for kids to have something besides for mom to soothe them.
My sister explosively breastfeeds. A bottle and paci are poisonous to her. Her kids are used to only mom for comfort and they are so so clingy. Even her older kids stick to her like stickers, she can never send them away because they cry hysterically.

amother

Cyan

Wed, Jul 15 2020, 9:49 am

My babies used a pacifier for the first few weeks. I found that they really needed to suck a lot at that point. I wasn’t nursing so there was just a limited amount they could suck from their bottles.
Since I wasn’t always putting it back in for them, they all outgrew by 4 months.

nchr

Wed, Jul 15 2020, 9:54 am

amother [ Wheat ] wrote:

Abuse??? No one is being judgmental either. We're just giving her our perspective.
Not offering a paci at all is not the sane as taking it away once baby is used to it.

Before 9 months there is no emtional attachment to a pacifier. Even the American Association of Pediatrics advise one should stop pacifiers at 6 months of age.

amother

Lilac

Wed, Jul 15 2020, 9:59 am

amother [ Wheat ] wrote:

Judgmental much?

I nurse exclusively. Most of my kids have never had a pacifier or a bottle in their lives.

My kids are very independent, actually. Their needs were met as babies and toddlers and now they feel secure enough to go out on their own.

Oftentimes it's more about personality than about parenting methods.

stillnewlywed

Wed, Jul 15 2020, 10:38 am

amother [ Wheat ] wrote:

What does that have to do with breastfeeding? It's just that she's been home with her kids their whole life so they are not used to going away. It's a personality thing also.