Help me have bitachon in health crisis....what shld I think?

amother

Aqua

Sun, Jul 19 2020, 10:07 am

Surrendered wrote:

Emunah Daily by R'Dovid Ashear, Either via phone on chazak hotline (he has his own hotline as well). As eell as his books give great chizuk during trying times.
Listen in and read up on Bitochon shiurim. It'll keep you going.
The best advice I received when we went through an extremely challenging Nisoyon, was to take it minute by minute and not think how we'll get through this...
How is it possible that people have anxiety, depression, nervous break downs, heart attacks... if Its known that Hashem gives a person the kochos to handle his challenges???
We were told that "Hashem give the person the kochos to handle the situation at that moment only. When we start thinking How we will manage or how it'll work out, that's when people lose it and break under."

Remember to take minute by minute only.

And yes, you should beg Hashem for a complete Refuah because HE is Hakol Yochel. He can change the situation for the better. Never stop asking.
Refuah Sheleima.
Can I have his full name so I can daven on his behalf?
May Hashem give you the kochos to handle and accept whatever HE sends your way and may you see the good in everything that happens.

In Rav Ashear first book (I didn't read the other 2) he has dozens of stories about how people with emunah received a quick fix to their problems. Rosh yeshiva's who needed thousands of dollars to meet payroll in a few hours and had the attitude, "why worry, Hashem will take care of it", and then randomly meet the wealthy man in the neighborhood who insists on giving 25,000 right now. Every 4 or 5 pages in this 300 page book has a very similar story. Chapter 19 in his first book, on page 61 is actually titled "emunah cures illness". You can look this up. He immediately goes on to describe a story where a patient is diagnosed with cancer and is given a grim prognosis. The patient does not lose faith and continues to thank hashem. Shortly after the doctors exclaim that a miracle has happened and the man is completely cured of cancer. On the very next page a talmid is walking with the bal shem tov in the desert. The talmud is dehydrated and concerned he will die. The bal shem tov tells him that hashem is in charge and he need not worry. All of the sudden a man on a camel with lots of extra water happens by and saves the mans life. On his call in hotline the recent recording is of a businessman who accepts a deal with someone and then immediately gets a better offer from someone else. The businessman honors his original and less profitable deal and forgoes the extra profit. Sure enough things immediately change and he is able to do both deals. Hashem rewarded him for his honesty.

People take comfort in his books and stories because it depicts hashem as a vending machine that cures illnesses and problems just like that. If that works for some, kol hakavod. But if we are being real and honest, we all know that these stories are not showing the reality of how hashem runs the world.

amother

Saddlebrown

Sun, Jul 19 2020, 11:51 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

I consider myself someone who has been going through a lot of hardships in my life. I've tried to improve my bitachon trust in hashem and daven for my life to be better.

Now, I have a new hardship(which is even more overwhelming so I'm not even thinking how I'll manage everything else on top of this but that's a different discussion. )

Right now, my child got diagnosed, and I'm going for a follow up to get the details and see if theres anything I can do. Although there is no cure, I'm hoping another part of the body is not going to be affected by this. I know the initial diagnosis is correct about something my child cant do as my child confirmed this.

So, I'm confused about how to think about this in terms of hashem/trust in HIm.

I know I cant rely on a miracle and must be realistic that with this diagnosis comes a very
Handicapped life etc....I'm so confused...am I supposed to daven that everything should go away and
My child should be completely healthy (but this seems like I'm relying on a miracle?)???

Or, am I supposed to say I know my child has problem A with her body, but please dont make it get worse. (At this point, it's bad but not that bad, but if it gets worse, it would be even more devastating.....

I know that unfortunately, many ppl here have experienced health issues with their children or themselves, and I need some insight about how to think about this in terms of what to daven for(I learned not to rely on a miracle) and what to think in terms of trusting hashem etc..

I have a friend that is handicapped and dont want to tell anyone about this now. But, I always gave her a listening ear, and she had these same questions. Life is so hard..

If anyone can give me advice or share their experiences/thoughts and how they daven or connect to hashem.

Tia.

You can always hope for a miracle!! Hashem is limitless and the biggest doctor and healer!! Sometimes doctors diagnose or say things to patients/parents and then hashem makes a miracle and it goes away or it gets better even though it seems it never could! But if you tell yourself hashem is big and he can turn any situation around then you will already feel so much better!! Just know that this is probably hashems way of bringing you closer to him as he wants to have a connection with you and hear your heartfelt tefillos. Even not knowing what to exactly say in your prayers hashem already knows exactly what your feeling and how much your hurting and scared, just know hashem is even closer to those who are really really struggling so daven your heart out for your child because even if our children are perfectly healthy we shouldnt ever stop davening for them! Hatzlacha and I hope hashem answer your tefillos and sends u a miracle!!

amother

Green

Sun, Jul 19 2020, 12:04 pm

amother [ Aqua ] wrote:

How can someone believe this? It seems absurd. You say the reason why the answer is often NO is because we don't truly believe that the situation will change. And if we did believe the situation would change then the answer would be yes.

Sorry, there are way to many people that are genuinely davening for refuos and yeshuos who believe that hashem can make the situation better and they are still sick, infertile, poor, being abused, can't find a shidduch, and every other horrible situation imaginable.

Unfortunately, sometimes the answer is NO and we don't understand why hashem wants people to suffer in various ways but we can't deny the fact that he does allow it all to happen.

Sorry, you misunderstood the response. Not that you will always receive a YES to your request because you asked or believed.
The point is to daven, hope, trust and believe that Hashem is NOT limited and CAN change things that are B'Derech Hateva impossible.

Last edited by amother on Tue, Aug 04 2020, 12:02 am; edited 1 time in total

FranticFrummie

Sun, Jul 19 2020, 12:14 pm

OP, there is no "right" way for you to feel right now. When Job was facing terrible losses, the friends who just sat down and cried with him were the friends who were the most helpful.

Books on emunah and bitachon are great, IF you are in the right headspace to read them. I find that the messages sink in when I am happy, and not currently freaking out about stress in my life. By practicing emunah on good days, I have it "in my back pocket" for bad days.

I don't think people should read books on emunah when they are emotionally fragile or facing huge challenges. It's true that everything is for the best, but nobody wants to hear that when there is a crisis! You don't go to a funeral and tell the mourner "Oh well, I guess Hashem wanted him back." That is SO not helpful in the moment.

Davening in your own language, straight from your heart, is worth more than any siddur. Why do you think women can daven whenever, how ever, but men need a minyan and set rules about davening? It's because when a woman davens, "The Gate of Tears" is always open. We have a direct line to Hashem, anywhere, any time.

When facing a crisis, you can't go wrong by davening for wisdom, strength, and clarity. You can never go wrong davening for healthy and happy children.

I will keep you in mind when I light candles. Hashem knows who you are, and knows who your child is. Ima bas Imamother. Hug

mandksima

Sun, Jul 19 2020, 3:58 pm

I think my perspective has gotten me through many difficult times in life, including losing a child.

I must assume Hashem is only doing good for me even though my current situation may be very difficult to go through.

I know every tear and cry to Hashem is being used and counted even though it may not help alleviate the current situation when I am asking for a yeshua. It will help somewhere, sometime.

I believe that before coming down to this world, our souls agreed to everything that will happen during our life as it knows what has to be fixed up in this current life. If you have a hardship, it is because you NEED to go through it to work on whatever needs fixing - maybe patience, maybe understanding and not judging others in the same situation, maybe a suffering that you caused another in a different life, who knows? The point is we don't need to know why it is happening. We just need to believe we must go through it for our own good. We can definitely nullify ourselves to Hashem and tell him we can't do it ourselves! We need his help in getting through it! But we must start to go through it and not run away thinking it must be a mistake. It is from Hashem with love.

Believing this fully can bring us to a really difficult but necessary place. We need to believe our suffering is so good for us that we can thank Hashem for it. Thank him for giving it to us. Ask him to help us get through it but thank him for not giving us an easy time. Tell him you can see his love for us through our suffering. Believe it. This alone can bring many "miracles." I think people are just mad that they aren't getting the answer they asked for specifically from Hashem. Your miracle doesn't have to be what you asked for exactly but it will be something you really need. We have to understand and assume we are getting countless miracles performed for us each day. We don't know of most of them. We must thank Hashem always! I always tell my kids that if anything "bad" happens, we must assume Hashem has done a great kindness for us and destroyed an even worse decree against us and made whatever happened to us be less of a punishment. For instance, a broken item instead of a bone. A broken bone instead of paralyzed. A loss of money instead of great embarrassment, a great embarrassment instead of death, etc.

Also, you can make deals with Hashem. Be a stubborn child who demands a deal from his father for really great behavior. Find the hardest test for you in life and work on it. Find the thing you always assumed is beyond you to take upon yourself and do it for Hashem. Beg him to reevaluate your deeds based on you conquering your yetzer hara for the thing it tries its hardest to prevent you from doing correctly. Give up and sacrifice something for Hashem. Go against your nature. Go out of your comfort zone. THEN, you can beg him and have something to use as a bargaining chip. In the meantime, you will see you have grown into a different person and so much stronger.

We are here to use whatever life Hashem sends us and serve Hashem in the best way with whatever we are given. If we come into life deaf or blind, we know Hashem decided we didn't need our hearing or sight in order to serve him properly. Don't think of it as a handicap but as a way to rise above and still live a life of happiness and contentment that Hashem made you exactly as necessary.

Without these beliefs, I never would have survived my life. Or I would have become bitter and jealous and mad at Hashem. You don't have to understand Hashem's ways but you have to know that everything is worked out for your best at the very beginning. It's all good but we can still make our lives better. We can change things but it requires changing yourself first. Understand the power that Hashem gives us. We can change our own bad decrees and judgments. We can look with an good eye and have that same good eye come back to us. We can forgive someone who has wronged us and then deserve to be forgiven ourselves. Our challenges are meant to challenge us!!

I don't mean to belittle anyone's pain. I just wanted to state what works for me and what can work for anyone.